This journal began as a place to post random bits of humor. It progressed to a rant log in my attempts to get people to realize that being selfish or possessive in deference to me is a way to lose me. It has had humorous moments, poems that make people want to cry, top ten lists about everything from animals to zills, random spiritual thoughts, and confessions of food addiction. Where will it go? What will I talk about next?

Some lament that I do not give details of my personal life. That is why it is called a personal life. It isn't to be shared with the world. Others lament that I don't share every bit of information I somehow acquire about other people. I'd never do good at a gossip blog. I'd feel terrible if I realized I had hurt someone who I cared about.

On the other hand. I am sure most of my readers are glad I don't sink to preaching too often here on the web. Unfortunately, those who come to church are not so lucky. They got to hear from me twice today. No one complained, so I must not have said anything too disturbing. I know. This always surprises me as well.

Some of us enjoy surprises while others do not. I have found myself on both sides of pleasant (albeit small) surprises lately. I may have developed a greater appreciation for such events.

Another wonderful weekend is now behind me. As anyone who has been near me in the last few months is surely aware, the warm weather made me feel happy beyond all reason. I turned off my heaters thus lowering my electric bill and starting the healing process for my dry skin. Of course, this fantastic weather was perfect for a walk in the park with my sweetie. We participated in this somewhat healthy activity two days in a row. On the second day, a gentleman who had been walking his dog the day before told us we must be tired as we had been walking all night. I admit I was amused by this statement, but I assure you I could never walk all night long. I'd have curled up on the bench to take a nap at least once. I also would have probably been arrested for vagrancy, but that is another story (one that didn't happen).

The sunshine and random adrenaline would have made the weekend fabulous, but I got to enjoy other parts of the weekend as well. I spent a little over six hours, snuggling and watching hobbits save the world. I also got to watch the Penguins win against the Capitals. The game was pretty intense, though I sheepishly admit I took a nap during the game. I woke up after the Capitals took over the lead which led to much worried lip-biting on my part. I may have finally discovered why I haven't been led to sports watching until recently. I had the same lip pain after watching the Steelers win the Superbowl. If you don't know what I am talking about, you are not a Steelers fan or slept through the game.

We also got to recheck our teamwork as we continued to pursue the art of putting up molding, trim, and casing. We work pretty well together. If all else fails, we can start our own contracting company. Well, that probably isn't true. I am not sure I have the skills needed to succeed in that line I work. I feel no shame in admitting that my ability to swing a hammer is minimal, but I am hoping to reassure myself this month that I can do a good job painting. Of course, I need to do a good job cleaning first. Ah. cleaning. Maybe that will be accomplished after Monday Mormon Moments tonight.

We are asked to fight the good fight. Some days I am not sure that I am clear what that is. I don't believe it is the constant battle I have with my laptop as it grows older and older and more cranky. I don't believe it is the fight I have with Rodney for my covers each evening. It could be the ongoing battle to find records for all of the microfiche on my desk. I am still looking for confirmation as to what the best fight is.

Not every day in my life is as eventful as the next. I could talk for hours on some subjects, but I will not. Despite many people's belief that my private life is their business or theirs to control, I like to keep some secrets between me and a few trusted friends. For instance, not everyone knows how many cats I have loved, and I plan to keep it that way.

Today did have its interesting moments, however. Our department is trying to fill an empty librarian position. We met our first candidate today. I approved of her outfit and would have asked where she got it if I didn't think that would seem rude. I did notice how nervous she was. This is understandable. She was in a room full of "old fogies" who were asking her questions and evaluating her answers. She didn't run away screaming though, so I succeeded at being on my best behavior.

I was not so successful at controlling myself when faced with someone who obviously doesn't understand traffic lights. He turned onto the street I was on while I had a green light. This implied that he had a red light and therefore should not continue allowing his car to move in a forward direction. I asked him what hi problem was as I slammed on my brakes, but I wasn't screaming loud enough, so he didn't stop to tell me.

I expect a lot of things from life. Sadly, most of them are negative things. This would explain my confusion when I whip through my work with greater speed than I had expected. I also expect people who take me for granted to continue to take me for granted. I expect them to continue thinking I am unaware. I also expect them to cry when they realize I am not around to be taken advantage of when they have annoyed everyone else and need a shoulder to cry on. Maybe I am cruel, but sometimes I think that it helps people to get a crash course in how to treat their friends if they wish to keep them.

However, I sometimes do not expect the degree of affection I get from those around me. I don't expect Ziggy to purr when I cuddle her since she raises such a fuss when I pick her up. I don't expect Rodney to come back for more after being unceremoniously dumped from my pillow or rolled over on. I don't expect some people to continue to try to insert themselves into my world when they will obviously not have the position they desire. Yet these things still happen.

Spiders.

Riding in an Omni.

Being denied my cookies for life.

The woman you love realizing she is too good for you.

Never finishing that huge pile of novels.

People finally treating you the way you treat them.

Realizing the world really doesn't revolve around you.

Heights.

Are any of these your fears? Does it scare you that I might know?

I sometimes find myself standing open-mouthed, wondering if people have any idea how much they say without actually saying it. Then I close my mouth around a cookie and go back to thinking about something else, like song lyrics:

All my life searching for the one to share
The space within my heart
To stand right by my side

~Stryper

Like most people, I struggle to discern the good and the bad around me. I also struggle to make peace with conflicting emotions and thoughts. The greater the number of these, the greater my irrationality.

It was a long, productive, and enjoyable weekend. The cure to all my ills is spending time with good people. I definitely feel better now though a bit wore out from being productive. On Friday, my knight with the irresistible smile appeared on my doorstep with a dozen roses for me and a dozen roses for my mom. He failed to find the stuffed Morgan Freeman doll that plays obnoxious music, has wings, and holds a huge candy bar that would have made her completely happy. We had dinner together, spent some time talking, and then decided sleep was a good idea to prepare us for the whirlwind of Saturday.

Saturday started with a trip to Walmart. Any good project starts with a trip to Walmart, right? (If I got paid for all the advertising I do in this journal...) After much pondering, I decided white oak sounded like an appealing wall color, so we bought a couple of gallons of that and some roller covers and returned to my home where we began painting my living room. I gave up on de-texturing a few of the walls, so that made things less complicated.

From there, we made our way to Xax and Shannon's wedding reception Their cake looked like three little fluffy pillows piled on top of each other. A few of us were considering snuggling up to them and going to sleep. I am glad none of tried that however because they were three fabulous flavors of cake: lemon, carrot, and chocolate. I tried all three and enjoyed them. Due to Spring Break, not a lot of people showed up so we got to see the cake again on Sunday--yum.

From the church, our whirlwind tour took us to visit my mother. Being my mother, she felt compelled to share cat stories. She also let us practice our sign language, which resulted in amusement as I kept making the sign for "cookie" because cookies are awesome. Then we rushed back to Morgantown to meet up with his parents and some friends since the concept of, "we'll call you when we are headed back to Morgantown" somehow got lost in translation. It happens, right?

Sunday was a little less eventful. We went to church (surprise). Testimony meeting was very uplifting. I think I enjoyed my friend Sara's testimony the most because it said a lot of things I wanted to hear about how important it is to share the gospel (even with ourselves--Bella translation). This was followed by a potluck and much mingling. I realized again that many of my friends are guys as they kind of surrounded me and began discussing football. From there we went back to my house to recover from too much running around on Saturday. Of course, snuggling ensued, as did sneezing on Rodney who wanted to snuggle too.

Today was less eventful despite having to say goodbye. Family home evening rocked out. This proved,of course, that my friends, true to my belief, can make any FHE great without any pre-planning...

I was talking to my wonderful sweetie last night, and he started listing off things I should be happy about. I was confused as I was pretty happy for a hobbit who didn't have a feast before at the moment. I guess I didn't express that very clearly. I shall have to work on sounding less like Grumpy, particularly since he was a dwarf not a hobbit. So why am I happy?

I get little reminders every day that Heavenly Father loves me and He is looking out for me. Sometimes it seems like He is checking to see how much weight I can hold on my shoulders before I fall over, but it is probably my own fault for not asking for help.

I have two adorable kitties who want to spend time with me. In my paranoid moments, I like to think that this is because they want food, but they've been known to chase me when there is still food in their food dish.

I got a new project at work. It is as tedious and exciting as most of my other projects, but it is different and I can see an end in sight. Of course, I think I'll get more records to play with two or three times a year, but I can handle it.

My living room is painted. This sounds small to most people, but it makes me happy. Now all I have to do is make it clean as well. Then I will be truly happy.

A wonderful guy someware out there likes me a lot. He also respects me, wants me to be happy, and lets me babble at him randomly about anything I want (from cookies to being Mormon to my deep desire to disappear some of my most hideous fabric.) As if that weren't enough to make me happy, he seems to like snuggling me, too. Anyone who has met my cat knows that I am used to free snuggles.

I have a million talents that I can use to entertain, comfort, and help out the people I care about. Of course, this can also lead to unhappiness when they expect me to do this at all times. I really do love far too many people to give any one individual (that I am not married to and I remind you that I am not married in that sense depsite the six wives) as much time as they may feel entitled to.

I often claim to be a bit of a party animal. Anyone who truly knows me is aware that I can only maintain this claim if a party is defined solely as a place to eat lots of cookies and perhaps dance with the wall when the sugar high kicks in.

"When were you last fed by a family member or friend? When were you last given nourishment for growth and ideas, plans, sorting of the day, sharing of fun, recreation, sorrow, anxiety, concern, and meditation? These ingredients can only be shared by someone who loves and cares. Have you ever gone to extend sympathy and comfort in moments of death and trial, only to come away fed by the faith and trust of the loving bereaved? Certainly the best way for us to show our love in keeping and feeding is by taking the time to prove it hour by hour and day by day. Our expressions of love and comfort are empty if our actions don't match. God loves us to continue. Our neighbors and families love us if we will but follow through with sustaining support and self-sharing. True love is as eternal as life itself. Who is to say the joys of eternity are not wrapped up in continuous feeding, keeping, and caring? We need not weary in well-doing when we understand God's purposes and his children." (Marvin J. Ashton, "Love Takes Time," Ensign, Nov. 1975, 109-10)