I almost made it through the whole month without updating. Did you notice?

A few friends invited me to join them on their bi-weekly efforts to be fit. As a professional couch potato, I am often the turtle or caboose of the group. Of course, I also spend a lot of time looking totally confused when I am commanded to do a burpee, a mountain climber, a Turkish get up, or some other intriguing combination of muscle movements. I leave tired and wake up the next morning to a painful awareness of a fact that still shocks me:

I HAVE MUSCLES!

And they are the angriest muscles in the whole world. The anger in my thighs seems to increase the more my commander tries to work my already fabulous glutes. I tried to explain that these are my only valid muscles, but I think that increases her determination to bring on the muscle fatigue. In the meantime, my calves have returned to their hill-climbing shape. (Moving to a flatter environment made them slightly flabby.)

In light of the fabulousness of my commander, I have a few testimonials:

1. She has introduced me to muscles that I thought I didn't have.
2. She doesn't let me be a slacker.
3. She motivates me to work harder by accomplishing twice as much while the tiny baby in her belly mocks me.
4. She manages to keep a smile even when I say "no" or ask to be reminded what such and such a move entails.

Now if I can get her son to stop calling me "ouch" since I say it so much...

I woke up this morning and watered myself thoroughly so I could rough myself up. My trainer did not disappoint. She made me... RUN! Again!

We hit the road today. As we traveled from state to state, my bladder made its wishes clear. We stopped at one of those terrifying buildings know as "rest stops." I forgot to throw on my coat but didn't notice until I realized people shivering all around me despite poofy parkas, scarves, and gloves. A nice old lady informed me I needed to put on a coat because I was making her cold. I offered apologies and dashed inside. You don't need more info than this--I am the polar bear.