The month started out pretty well. My concerns about my recently hospitalized car were quickly laid to rest. The back window really isn't going to pop out onto the pavement. The obnoxious noise was coming from the trunk. (And, no, it wasn't a possum put in there by the raccoon mob, just some supports that weren't locked together correctly.)

That left the rest of the day free for personal introspection and brain rotting. I've recently started watching Boy Meets World. I can't believe I didn't watch this when I was younger. It is totally cheesy in all the best ways and sometimes a little uplifting. Besides, his little sister has a lot of tea parties. That reminds me of a young Bella eating oatmeal with her ponies. Good times, my friends. Good times.

More often than I care to admit, I was the know-it-all with her hand raised to answer every question the teacher asked. After a while, that made me uncomfortable, so I started leaving my hand down and trying to wait out the awkward silence. I don't think of that often, but today I went to my first church class as a student (not a teacher) in a few years. It reminded me that children are not alone in their lack of desire to raise their hands. I quickly overcame my shyness as the silence deepened and the teacher got a lost, worried look that I know too well. I am hoping that more people will be back from vacation next week, so I won't have to relive my early years as the class nerd--as glorious as those were.

One of my responsibilities as a nerd is to spread a little light in the world. If only I was a true geek and could make an animated gif of some wookies dancing or something as delightful. Hmmm...

That's not going to happen, but if you live locally, maybe I can arrange to share some cherry berry pie bars with you...

In my efforts to stay informed today, I took a look at the wonderful world of facebook. To my dismay, a picture of my birthday buddy, Robin Williams, greeted me with a headline announcing his death this morning. Despite bringing laughter on even our lowest days, he struggled with depression, which most reports surmise resulted in his death.

In a moment of self-reflection and unwarranted comparison, I pondered on the fact that even when I have been at my lowest point, others have laughed at my jokes or found comfort from my voice. Sometimes it is easier to make people laugh than to share our pain with the world. Of course, this makes me wonder how often I overlook cries for help from those around me. Robin Williams shall be greatly missed, particularly by me. Our common birthday is one of my claims to fame after all. I only hope that he now realizes how much happiness he has brought to the world...and how much he really was/is loved.

Nanu nanu!

More and more, I become convinced that I really never should have grown up. Despite a somewhat disappointing childhood (I never got that pony), I still think I'd rather be there. Children tend not to lie to you. If they don't like you, you know it. They don't feel like they have to be your friend for the sake of diplomacy or in case they need to use (and abuse) you later. A lot of factors have led to my scathing view of the adults around me.

A relative of mine noticed a friend of mine had a last name that crops up in our family tree. They started asking me incredibly personal questions about the person. Ignored my detailed explanation of how we have a common relative who was born in 1790 and insisted that I give this other person their email. Since I was not asked for their email or information and the distant relative has quite a few of their own worries right now, I never relayed the information. I was waiting for an opportune time. Of course, the closer relative started sending me slightly catty messages about how I don't check my email. I wasted twenty minutes tonight trying to find the right way to explain myself to her without her going from catty to nasty. She then dismissed me in the way one dismisses a two year old who keeps asking "why?" when no more answers to that question exist. *shrug* I fear I draw ever closer to cutting off every single person who doesn't recognize my value. That would cut out most of my annoyance.

I also suffer from an old-fashioned idea that I should keep in touch with the people who are important to me. It isn't too hard to drop a few lines on facebook, in an email, or via text--to name a few methods. It seems that more and more people don't even bother to respond to these messages. Granted, one of my friends is basically dying and another one has a combination of health problems that keep landing her in the hospital with unbearable pain, but these two always make time to reply. Even one sentence confirming that they are still alive is more than enough to get me through the next six months of our friendship. Others don't reply to me at all...no matter how many times I check in with them. And yet, I know that they will be complaining when my messages stop. Friendship must be a two way street...or it fails...

Another annoyance stems from people who don't practice what they preach. I tire of being told to prepare for church lessons and never being informed of what the lesson is I should prepare. That is the lesser of the annoyances. I tire of people claiming to be good people when they can't even be mildly nice to the people around them. I know some people can seem intimidating, but the natural response to a polite or friendly smile is a smile not a grimace or a glare.

I know. I know. I rant so much, but sometimes you just have to rant. Then you go back to trying not to have a heart attack when you find people who are supposed to be building your front deck standing on your back deck instead. Home improvement can be so much fun...