I know that my faithful readers were wildly excited about a nice Saturday morning read of the journal, but I was called away. Where? Well, after a nice drive through my old hometown *shudder*, I spent the evening with a dear friend. We spent the night at her parents' house in the scenic boonies of this state.

We were entertained by her sweet niece, a television, and UNO attack. We watched "Only You" at around midnight. It's not a bad movie if you like romance, Robert Downey Jr., Marissa Tomei, Italy, and Billy Zane. Of course, the preview for the R movies was a little creepy until I caught on that the R was for Romance. The fact that they were playing all the smoochie scenes in their advertisement was not reassuring.

UNO attack can be entertaining. Of course, not everyone likes being shot rapidly by cards. Then again, some of us think this is great fun. I like being shot by cards for instance. I somehow managed to win though. The game isn't nice to the people who want the cards. I will have to school it eventually.

I also got to go sneak around a chicken coop. Why would I sneak around a chicken coop? Well, when one is taking eggs away from their mommy. Besides you have to sneak around the other random people who came into the coop with you so you don't end up in an egg fight. Okay, maybe there was no chance of an egg fight, but we can all dream.

At last, I returned home to cats, steak, and chores. Cleaning is the spice of life. That and random afternoon naps. If I could just find a way to sleep less, I could post so much more love on this dead sexy site. Keep smiling and checking in.

Some days I feel like an ancient among little children. I muddle through and try to understand the baby babbling that comes out of their mouths, but it is like a Vulcan trying to understand the emotions of a human. Then I feel that all they are saying amounts to "cover my butt" whether it be with a diaper or making myself seem less efficient so they feel like they have accomplished so much more with their day.

I also spent more time with the deeply lovable microfiche. *keeps talking until people fall asleep* *goes back to talking about age*

Ever notice how people have no trouble hearing someone they claim they don't care about on a bad connection on a cell phone, but you could be speaking directly into their ear with a bullhorn and they would remain oblivious. They say they are willing to listen, but seem more intent on telling you how wrong you are and how you don't know how you feel. I assure you I know how I feel. I also assure you that I don't find it difficult to remember my friends, particularly the vocal ones who always ask the same favor. Then again perhaps I am perfect in every way, which would explain why this journal is updated everyday with no typos to speak of and the most fascinating content on the web.

So I send out a challenge to all my happy little readers. Can you hear me? So you have any idea who I am? Do you really care? Send me an e-mail (fanklubz at meowmail dot com) and tell me about myself. Why? Because I don't get enough e-mail there. It gets rather lonely. Even my fanklubz e-mail needs some loving from time to time. Who knows, you may even win some sort of prize. *gasp* Oh that's opening some eyes.

Yeah, keep reading. It can only get better, from the realization that skunks are mutated barcodes and zebras are really big barcodes, life can not get cooler. In fact, I think I should go to Africa and find myself some zebras to put on fiche. That would definitely create more interest in microforms. So who wants to send me a donation for that noble endeavor?

Speaking of noble endeavors. We are slowly working on bringing joy to mortals everywhere. In order to do that though, I may have to sneak into another window to play with words or something, so I will let you go back to sleep now.

I opened my eyes and looked out to dawn
I lie here alone, yet still my peace is gone
For when I step out, and I look in their eyes
I see they pass judgment and dare to despise
One whose heart is empty, whose soul is so old
It has long since dissipated, grown cold
To the fires of love that never burned true
As she backs away from the glances and finds so few
Who see beyond rumors, judged for a past
That long since has simmered, and at last
The pity flows up for those foolish men
Who'd rather pass judgment than repent their own sin

Something is stirring in the world tonight. I feel the pain of my friends crashing in waves as heavy as those that try to bring me down. The storm is building and in its wrath will be left the remnants of some beauty that could never be shared. People miss out on so much because they are looking for their ideal beauty. They can't look beyond a few extra pounds, a few gray hairs, an absence of something that will not be around when any one reaches forty, or whatever it is that drives them. We can't all be beauties nor can we all be geniuses. We can't all be raised like little lords and ladies whose mommy and daddy give us everything except our own identity.

So what are you looking for? What drives you? What will really make you happy no matter how much you deny it? Can you reach out and grab hold of what you want? Do you have the guts to admit your greatest desire of the moment even if it is only to yourself? If it involves someone else, will you let them in? I have that power, but it will take me about eight weeks to find out how close I have come to my mark. I guess I better get cracking again.

Where is my heart, that timid beast
Does it love or imagine at least
That somewhere is something to catch my eye
And fill me with fire I can not deny
I find it in words, I find it in this
But no where, no more is it a kiss
That sways me and moves me, makes me
Feel more than the love that breaks me
And wraps me up in the pain of denial
For my heart has found no aisle
Full of roses, only a bed of lies
And in silence, they weep, when my heart cries

It's rather ironic what can make you happy. You don't realize how much you enjoy something until it somehow comes to your attention that other people don't. You think that project you are working on is a drag. You slave over it. You breathe life into it. You sing to it in the silent parts of your heart, but you deny that it does make you feel more complete. Then someone mentions what a drag that must be and you're on the defensive.

I don't think anyone will ever completely understand all the things that make me happy. Ironic how most of them seem to involve staring into the one glowing eye of my computer screen, day after day. I work on this journal. I write myself love letters. I spend hours staring at microfiche and their accompanying records. Dull? Boring? Tedious? It's all in the eyes of the beholder or perhaps just another attempt to fill the emptiness in my heart.

My heart swells with a fullness of truth. All my LDS readers will understand what I mean. No, I am not dissing on anyone else's beliefs. I just feel content with what I believe and feel like expressing it on my journal. Anyway, more Mormon moments for a later date.

On the other hand, some days my heart feels so empty. It feels like there is nothing more to fill it. Love fades away and disappears. That happens after a while of caring too much for people who take you for a rung on the ladder or a mat before the door of the palace. But I know that eventually the ice will melt. My heart will thaw and all those old loves will overtake me.

I will find myself once more gripped by the knowledge that somewhere a sister, not of birth but of love, aches and dreams and brings herself to harm. I will be aware again of the undercurrents of pain surrounding any who has ever been dear to my heart. I will ache for them and wish them joy, but they will not take the solace I offer. Such is the life of those who love too much.

In short, I had another lovely day with the microfiche.My roomie's mommy is visiting, too, so that is a change. The cats have been very nice about entertaining our house guests. They are the coolest. Sweet dreams.

It's the birthday of my best friend from kindergarten. She is also my cousin, but that tends to be a common phenomenon in small towns, I am told. Her lovely son's birthday was yesterday, making him four years old if I remember correctly. He may be five, I seem to lose track of these things. HAPPY BIRTHDAY, GAIL!!! I doubt she'll see this, but she is in my thoughts. I have rarely met someone as truly sweet and considerate as she is. We don't talk much and I haven't seen her in years, but she always remembers my birthday and I can count on a Christmas card from her. She doesn't want some kind of recognition, she is just a great friend who wants to remind me that someone does care about me for me regardless of the fact that I can be angry, unpleasant, forgetful, and even somewhat hateful when the mood strikes.

So what is this about ticket sales? Well, it's a fund raiser. Two dollars buys you a dance with me. The money will go toward paying off some of my outstanding debts. Of course, I am serious. Of course, it won't do you much good if you don't live around here because I don't travel to give out these dances sorry.

While we are on the topic of tickets, if you are buying tickets to Heaven, just pick up one. You can't buy a dozen and force them on other people. Also, you can't buy your ticket by acting like someone's friend and then dropping them when they seem spiritually on the right path. I'm serious. I am not a ticket to Heaven. I am just another traveler on the train, so do us both a favor and say what you mean, be kind because you want to, be helpful because it feels nice to make someone smile not because you want a reward. And while you are doing that, I will work on the exact same thing.

Also there has been concern due to my lack of posts lately. As always, I have been trying to work on a million things at once. I meant to post last night but if I am to take those who would quote Will Turner from Pirates of the Caribbean to that Horizon, there must first be a Horizons. So I have been working on some documentation for that. I have also been eating far too much food because my roommate's mom has been feeding us quite a bit. In short, I have a life, so calm down. I am still alive. I am still typing. I am still muy kewl, so have a good one:)

I had a great day for writing about yesterday. I just came home so worn out that I couldn't bring myself to share it all with you. However, with some cat cuddles and a long night's rest, I may just be able to wow you with my excitement. I am, of course, cheating and putting it on yesterday just in case today is interesting enough to get its own entry.

HOW TO BAKE A HOBBIT

Black riders, orcs, and evil wizards everywhere have been trying to get this recipe. It is the top secret recipe for baking a hobbit until the hobbit is too hot to eat. Well most of you already know that hobbits are too "hot" to eat. That is why you love to read this website, but let's talk about it anyway.

First, you must find the hobbit. Then you must lay the ground work for baking the hobbit. Lure it out of its hobbit hole with the promise of food. Food on the grill will be an excellent lure. If you can throw in a couple of sides and some librarians, the hobbit will be there with cookies.

Then you let the hobbit sit out in the sweltering heat for about four hours. By this time, the hobbit will be feeling the heat. Hobbits with long hair will be trying to fashion bobby pins from twigs to pin their hair up. By the time the intriguing salad with watermelon and feta is almost gone, the hobbit will probably be draped across a bench with its bag for a pillow. At this point, the hobbit is too hot to eat and too sweaty to touch.

Now you can send the hobbit home to take a brief siesta. Following the siesta, the hobbit will learn about some other mythical creatures. This educational process will result in the edification of all.

THE NEW SEVENTH DWARF: ZOPEY

We all remember Dopey, the cute little dwarf with the big ears, the bald head, and a serious addiction to Snow White's kisses. He entertained us. He wooed us. He made us smile, and he did all of this without saying a word. Well, as stated previously, Dopey had a problem, he was cracked out on kisses. He couldn't get enough of them and when Snow White left with her prince, he had a serious breakdown.

The other dwarves had only one solution. They had to send him off to the Squirrelly Swirly Clinic for forest creatures with severe addictions. They managed to cure him of his addiction to Snow White's kisses, but he got in with a certain crowd of people there and came back with a new obsession.

Imagine the looks on the faces of his six little brothers when he came strolling in with a laptop over one shoulder and a case of Mountain Dew in the other. His head was still bald, but a beard had sprouted on his chin. He said nothing to them, just nodded a greeting on his way to the living room. Still without a word, he went to work, coding away into the wee hours of the morning with only his caffeine for company. He responded once, with a quick smile, when Doc said dynamic, but that was it.

The others could not figure out these strange processes he had running on his desktop. They couldn't understand the soft smile that played across his face. When he finally passed out, they tried to get a closer look but the screen saver was up and locked. In his sleep, he spoke the first words of their recollection, "plone" and "zope."

At that moment Doc turned to the others with an awed voice and said, "Our poor mute Dopey has renamed himself Zopey."

You guessed it, Dopey is now down with zope, making him Zopey.

MAKE THEM SCREAM: THE VAMPIRE WAY

Onward and out we go into the very depths of terror. Just when you think terror is far behind you, you realize it is the month of August and terror is dead ahead in October. Halloween is even on a Friday night this year, so that those kids too old for trick-or-treating can come let the volunteers at Stepping Stones scare the daylights out of them. Start saving now, plan your group trips and come on down.

It promises to be a thrilling ride for everyone. The group of volunteers of which I am a part is planning some awesome scenes for your enjoyment. Don't let us down. Don't let all the people that Stepping Stones helps out down. Have a little fun and find out why one of my friends calls Halloween, his Christmas.

Before I get into my rant for the day, I would like to remind you that this journal has just turned two years old. Celebrate by picking up some cool merchandise. Okay shameless plug over, let's get into the action.

As reliable as poltergeists and almost any character played by Arnold Schwarzenegger, the students have returned. Droves of people dying to get lost who number in the thousands have poured into this University city today. Lines of traffic extend for miles. Irate parents are prepared to do anything, including driving the wrong way up a one way street to avoid other parents just like them.

The little princes and princesses are piling out of cars, grabbing their things, and trying to escape those loving people who continue to give them last minute advice. Some of them have already begun wandering the buildings in search of their classrooms. Others have dropped by the library to gather in small herds around the computers and figure out how to log in, Still others are trying to shoo their parents away before the keg arrives.

Burning questions are ripping through the minds of the gathered masses. Is it to early to set the couch on fire? Can we justify setting telephone poles on fire just to let the townies know we're back? Why is everyone on this street driving in the opposite direction of me? Is this big building with the huge windows a dorm? If so, why are their so many books in it? Can we set the books on fire without those nice ladies behind the desk noticing?

Well, by the end of the weekend, we should have the answers to these questions. We should also have a greater appreciation for the lack of students that comes with summer. And maybe if this hobbit reporter is lucky, we will have some microfiche to file. This is Bella Ordena signing off until the next rave comes on.

I fear that my last post may have heard the feelings of some of my more delicate readers. I do love the students. I love to watch them gather in small hordes. I love to walk through the litter from their latest party. Ah, can I begin to describe how I love them unleashing their parents on poorly marked streets (many of which are one way).

Okay, so I do miss the student who is nice enough to mark off days on my calendar. I finally marked them off on Friday. This may be because I realized that it could not be Saturday the 10th. After all, it was payday. Yeah, I get paid to play with the fiche, but that doesn't mean I don't love them.

I had another eventful day. I've been working on some wedding gifts. More weddings lie in the future. Two of my friends are getting married in September, but only one was crazy enough to invite me to be part of the wedding party. Maybe if you're lucky, some pictures of me in my bridesmaid's dress will appear on this site. Then again, very few pictures of me appear here. How I look is a detail that changes over time. My words can always entertain.

I also went to see Freddy vs. Jason. Not a bad movie if you like horror flicks. It got much better after people stopped being half-naked. That would be when I started watching again. I am not big on seeing people naked. I figure that clothed people are more fun to hang out with. They don't creep me out. Yes, I am a prude and rather glad to be one. Thanks for the love. Type at you later.

Break out the Tequila, let's drink away that hate
Let's open our arms to indomitable fate
Kill our souls in so many different ways
I fear, I'll fall one of these days
To such a descent, let the whore in me
Rip my life away, so they can watch me bleed
The game tires me, I want to fall
Patience is not mine, but I hear a call
It burns my heart and I can not give in
To the ignorance and bliss of sin

That's right, the shell is cracking. I sit again far from where I should be, could be, but most importantly would be. I ask for favors and they can only be given when I come out looking like the bad guy. Remind me to buy a good pair of walking shoes because one day I am going to tire even more of this game and go for a very long walk. Where will I end up? Who really cares? As long as I am nowhere near those so-called friends who take so much and give so little. Feel free to get a pair of shoes and keep them tucked away if you care to join me.

I must pause here to state the obvious. If you are reading this, you most likely do care. If you didn't you wouldn't bother. Unless, of course, my jokes are that funny when I post them. Haven't posted much of a humorous nature lately, so that isn't likely. I've been too busy trying to find myself.

I found me. And what a beauty I really am deep down at the core, but none of my so-called lovers (I use this to mean people who ever professed love beyond friendship--then again most of those people used a different four letter word too profane to grace this journal to describe their feelings) could ever delve that deep. I've been told how shallow, selfish, ignorant, worthless, detestable, and loathsome I am on more than one occasion. You give all you have and can give no more and suddenly you are centered on yourself. Yes, that's me. Hold up your hand if I never ever gave up some part of me to try and make your world better. Point the finger if you have no sins of your own to regret.

I never said I was perfect, nor do I ever think I will be. I just want the truth. I have found parts of it, but some of those closest to me have told me the greatest lies. I always find it so droll that people I have loved so much that I could feel their pain, read their hearts, know exactly how to ease their pain try to tell me I don't know them. Perhaps, I am conceited. Perhaps, I know nothing. Perhaps, I am just crazy.Perhaps, no one really wants to be near someone as bitterly twisted and hideous as I. In that case, hand me a shot of Tequila, baby, and ship me off to the loony bin or the freak show. (Expect to wear that Tequila though because I still don't drink.)

Sorry I couldn't entertain. Maybe you could make a little trip down to the campus and watch the students mill about. I am told that can be quite amusing. I personally like to watch them circling the computers like vultures. That actually made me smile today. I don't enjoy the way some of them drive, but I am sure my own driving would not result in happiness of pedestrians either. Anyway, off to do one of those many pointless things that I do--proofreading. Come back later, maybe I will be pumped full of chocolate and ready to giggle.

As we can all see, sometime Bella does not get enough sleep. Sleep dep leads to grumpiness. Grumpiness leads anger. Anger leads to headaches. And we all know what headaches lead to, or perhaps not. Let's go to a different subject in our card catalog.

Contests. Everybody loves contests. Want a date with me? Well, I updated something on my site today, and if you are the first to e-mail me, making the subject "Contest" and telling me what changed and what you think about it, you'll land a date with me. Sure, I'll pay, but I work for the state, so you may have to think cheap when you pick the dinner location. Also, big disappointment, I don't kiss on the first date or even unless I feel inclined. My heart still has frost bite because no can start the fire to melt it.

*looks around suspiciously for droves of people with lighters* No setting me on fire. That would make this journal much less interesting. Or maybe not. I could have features like the following:

This isn't really Bella typing. I am Juan, a poor candy striper who has been contracted out to type for her. She says to type exactly what she says for the next couple of minutes and that will be her entry, so here goes:

Juan, are you typing? Good, good. I haven't posted for the last couple of days because some weirdo decided to set me on fire to melt my heart. *random screams*

Lady, can't you see I am sending love to my fans? Aiiiiiieeee. That hurts. I don't care what the doctor said. Go away while I finish this. Dang it, I said go away. Quit touching me or I am leaving this bed. What is that needle for,. Stop. No, my fans need me. You can't do this to us. Maaaaan, I feel tiiired. *snore*

I woke up in the middle of the evening to my cat doing his best impersonation of a ball and chain. I tried to cuddle him, but he just went back to draping across my foot. Poor dear seemed to think he needed to hold me down. He also failed, so here I am with my laptop and my television.

I spent another eventful day with the microfiche. You can imagine the joy of barcodes and microfiche dancing before my eyes. Not much else of deep excitement is going on in my world. Of course, the e-mail responses to my concert give me the impression that my faithful readers are not too studious. Surely, it is not so difficult to find a change. Okay, keep smiling and reading.

Well, Miss Kewl figured out my newest feature. She is a swift one, so she got her date today. Don't worry, boys, there is still hope for you. Feel free to send an e-mail with the subject of "Contest" and your thoughts on my new addition. One more date up for grabs and only so short a time before it is scooped up. Now for highlights of today's date.

Miss Kewl and I made it to an establishment called Chik'N'Bones (No cows for us, baby!). We got a coveted booth for two and ordered a water and a root beer. Then we played air hockey while we waited. Of course, I am not sure our waitress appreciated this behavior as we were using our coasters, but we were certainly entertained. We ate our sandwiches with much gusto and found ourselves unable to cram in some Dairy Queen.

I also got to polish off the Y4's. No I do not mean that in the Shakespearian English sense (Why fore art thou speaking?). I mean it in the Government Documents sense. I made two thirds of them disappear into their cabinets with a lot of love and about a thousand barcodes. Most people would not appreciate this, but most people have not watched those honeys piling up on the cart by my desk.

I also finally got the big call. I got accepted for a new job in my Tuesday and Thursday department. I make a little more money. I still get my barcodes and I don't have to remember what day of the week it is. In the meantime, I need to clean up some stuff over the next couple of weeks, but that is what work is all about. More to come later in the life of Bella.

The day started out pretty slow. I rolled out of bed and threw on some clothes. Then I decided I wanted to shower again. Showers are a great way to start the day after all. The cats were kind enough to keep me company and make sure I washed my face before putting on clothes again and spending some time with my laptop.

I have six more chapters to proofread before I am satisfied, Then I can send off my masterpiece and see what publishers think. Sadly, it is not nearly as amusing as this website can be from time to time. I haven't cracked any bad jokes recently. Perhaps if I write them on eggs and crack them in the morning.

Then I spent some time working on some presents for some friends. I have two beautiful friends getting married next month. What am I making? That's a big secret. I never know when one of them might surf in and I hate to ruin my surprises.

I also spent some time thinking about that new feature. I feel sorry for you poor dears who haven't explored my new addition. The contest is still on.

The real excitement of my day was going to see my friend's band. Yes, the band I used to obsess over as Nak'd Jakob. They have sense changed their name to the C.O.Z. (pronounced cause). They rock. I know you think I am biased, but I am not. If you like, I could list some people I know who can't sing. I'd start with Bella and work my way from there. So if you see that the C.O.Z. is playing somewhere, run in and grab a seat. You won't regret it.

Angel that dances in my eyes
Show your beauty, for they despise
The plainness of your face
And can not see this race
Brings no winner to the line
Without another arm in mine

I defy them to see the beauty
That pours in and out of me
Through pure love given to heal
Those who can't believe as real
Such simple beauty that turns heads
When age rips youth to shreds

I deny all who would say
I have no beauty, in no way
Can make their hearts sing
Praises of the love I bring
When they open their eyes and see
Me shining with beauty, defiantly

Well, it has been a day. I spent lots of quality time with my microfiche. I am trying to put as many of them to bed as possible before I desert them for another job. They shall miss me, but I don't think they are planning a party for me. Then again, I may come in next Friday and find some bizarre cake concocted by the fiche chefs to entertain me.

I got to spend some time with Miss Kewl. She even gave me a Cert so I wouldn't knock people out with bad breath after lunch. Then we had to go our separate ways. She returned to the grand world of statistics and I wandered back to the statistics I make by processing my microfiche. Yes, the joy is never ending.

I also got to spend some time with Adrienne and Candace of Hill Cumorah fame. We had a lovely meal at a buffet. We got to catch up and say our good-byes before school becomes too hectic for all of us. It was a pretty good day overall.

Obviously, getting a Mormon into a bar would not prove highly profitable. I just find it amusing that I find myself in bars from time to time. What better reason is there than to hear some good music? It's the only reason I found besides the bridal shower, but even then we were an unprofitable group as we all drank water or soda and virgin daiquiris. We know how to have fun without alcohol. Well, I do.

The stage lights dim accept for one light shining on center stage. So many people are crowded onto the stage that none of them stands out. Time passes and many of the people fade away as the lights go darker. The lights go out completely and the sounds of flight fill the air. At long last, the lights come back up and a few remain standing in center stage supporting each other and giving each other hope. These are my roses, my dearest friends. These are the people who make life worth using to make a better world. I love you guys, so keep being the light in my life.

Not much else going on today. I got to help make our new label printer work effectively and cheerfully. It was more fun than you could imagine. Well, it was when I picked selective things to type such as, "Respect My Authorities", "Patty Rocks", "This Is Your Baby", and the punchline of the following joke:

Why did the producer of MST3000 consult with cows before making the movie?

Because Cows Like Cheese.

Well, I have been vacation for a day and a half now, You would think that I would have great things to talk about like the sun on the beach and virgin daiquiris on the beach. Ah, but those who know me best know that I can't afford that kind of thing, Instead I have been working on my lovely website. BTW, if you tried to e-mail me and it bounced back, you can try again. I got the problem fixed and I would love to hear from you.

I have also been working on my love letter. Proofreading is hard work, especially when one is hypercritical. I do seem to possess that flaw. After all, if Mary Poppins was practically perfect, how could I be completely perfect? After all, she was a character from a Disney movie.

To get a little break from my self-imposed drudgery, I crashed a class. They were discussing The Hunchback of Notre Dame and the professor is good for quotes. Then I had a semi-healthy lunch and now I am considering the joy of a nap. I did take a nice long walk this morning, so I am feeling like I might want to recharge my batteries. I could always stick my Tine in a light socket, but that would just give me funky hair. Anyway, pending excitement or mockery, I shall be off now.