The chills and thrills of the Candy Day celebration have now passed us by. We are skipping past our Turkey Day decorations to wish Santa here that much faster. So my commitment to the Hayride is fulfilled for this season and I should be more open for consultation. Ah, but this is the time of year when Santa's workshop is the busiest. Those who have studied the evidence carefully know that the elves are really hobbits and halflings. No true elf is that short--look at Legolas compared to Gimli and Sam and Frodo. Yes, Santa's little secret is out. So I am working on so many different things to make the holidays bright for my friends. It should be fun and exciting and so many other things that I can't express, so if I am still busy and you have to schedule a lunch date like everyone else, forgive me. Anyway, I think today is the perfect day to get some work done on some presents, perhaps lessening my great stress. Have a lovely day, loves. And If I do something thrilling, I will let you know immediately.

*BANG* You have been shot through the heart with a turkey feather. The turkeys are not taking Thanksgiving lying down this year. They are starting an uprising that will be remembered for years to come. Of course, turkey dinners will still be prevalent. A turkey doctor has been helping suicidal turkeys find there way to the Honeysuckle and Butterball factories, among others. These suicidal turkeys are giving their lives to make your holiday worth having, so be thankful.

That helpful announcement made, I can begin babbling about my day. I was awakened by the wild shenanigans of my cat as per usual. He bounced around me, clawed me, picked my glasses up and dropped them on the floor, and then started playing with my papers. Of course, all he got for his trouble was slapped and whapped with a pillow. When I finally stumbled out of bed it was to find breakfast and get some trash ready to go outside. Then it was off to work where I had liftoff with a new load of NASA books.

I also spent some time cleaning up decorations from the Candy Day celebration. Having laid that to rest, I now am free to ponder the many other things in my world, like my deep need for a domain. How on earth can I afford that? The answer is hard to say, but if you want to help out, I shall try to provide you with opportunities.

People break my heart every day. I fear that it is because I may some day turn into that kind of person. I fear I may become so trapped by my own indiscretions and inappropriate desires to think about promises made. I know that I sometimes ask things that I could find other solutions to. I expect too much from others, but in some cases, it is because they expect too much from me. Such is life. Off to work on the five million things that demand my attention.

November 4, 2003: Woman of Beauty

Look beyond my face, my eyes, my lips, see depths of me
Only there can you find my most eternal beauty
Silence any lustful thoughts that may arise
Look beyond that where true beauty lies
Hidden in my gentlest wish to heal
Lost inside where no one can steal
Away my innocence, destroying in the name
Of passion, all that has made me worth the fame
Of beauty that crowns my soul with a soft light
And brings me out once more to the light
In search of the soul to match my every need
That can every idiosyncrasy carefully read
And respond with love or firmness as need be
Look beyond my features to see a woman of beauty

My desk has turned into a shrine today. I swear I am innocent though I am in two of those pictures. One of which reminds me of Darkwing Duck. If you don't know who Darkwing Duck is, you are either too young or too old. Go feel sorry for yourself now. Do I need to go into the boring details of my day? Naw. I did get to meet another member of the Miss Kewl fanklub. Miss Kewl has a following as far away as Moldova. *gasp* Who would have thunk it?

I have finished one of my Christmas presents which removes an iota for the stress I feel before the holidays hit us. I still have about twenty of them to go--many of them more complex that you would imagine. I am also working on a shirt for myself. That's right, I am selfish with my talents. I'd say sue me, but it wouldn't be worth the two pennies you might get. I did buy Sarah's latest CD today to continue my selfishness. I am critiquing it as I type. So far it is not too bad. Of course, the speakers on my laptop are not made for optimal sound quality, so I will just have to listen to it again later. And now, as I have nothing else to share, I shall sink back into my twisted little world of words, cloth, paper, glue, and other random artifacts.

My dancing feet falter and I pause
No one is watching, there is no cause
But somehow your face is before me
I wonder if I want what I see
Do I want to reach out for a dream
To feel it crumble, rip the seam
That binds my vision to my brain
And let tears flood like rain
Down my cheeks as I fail again
To let go and let someone in
As I enter the circle, my feet falter
My tongue forgets all words, I offer
Up a silent prayer, and hope my hand
Will be swiftly taken, that you understand
And will draw me close for a dance
Give me cause to believe in romance
But my feet falter and it falls away
And I am left with words unsaid to say

I seem to be dancing back into a circle that I alone could understand. It comes back around to the same point, leaving me to choose my path. Thus far, I have not chosen wisely, so what makes this different? I have no idea. I have no idea why old memories that never haunted me now come crowding back. Mere coincidence could not drive me this insane, could it?

Don't pay much attention to my ravings today. I am starting to feel the hint of some sickness. I will deny it has any power over me until I can barely walk, but I will probably not breath out near people for a while. If all else fails, I can resort to my normal illness cure--lying in bed, listening to Sarah and avoiding the world because I am the whiniest sick person in the world. I got accused of hating someone because of this behavior once, but I don't really hate anyone. I swear. Some people just need bent over my knee.

And the big excitement for today? I went to see the latest edition to the Matrix trilogy. I had read some really bad reviews of it. I have come to the conclusion that a lot of people wanted things spelled out for them, perhaps printed out on their tickets. Pay another couple of bucks to watch it again and pay attention this time. That's my thought for you. Okay, a million and one things to work on.

That's right. Do the turkey dance and don't forget to gobble while you do it. I have nothing much to report. Have a good one.

J'ai le dé de parler au sujet de l'amour. J'ai besoin de sentir le broyage de mon cœur quand un homme entre la salle. Mais ma vie n'est pas celui simple.

It's been another one of those days. Not feeling much motivation these days. I hope it passes. I have a lot to do and none of it involves staring at the ceiling. Perhaps it shall pass and perhaps my postings will be more entertaining. Only time can tell.

Ah, the excitement, the joy, and the wonder that is my life has brought you careening back to my journal for an update. So what did Bella do for fun this weekend. I would say the normal, but I can't. It's not October anymore, so I had free time. We all know how I can fill free time. I just have one huge problem. I am so apathetic that I am not sure I care that my tootsies are a little cold right now. I do, however, care that my cat seems to be having a hacking spell. Poor kid just can't escape that aspect of his Persian heritage.

So I spent Friday night feeling trapped. Yes, I felt a bit like Belle, but she is another of the many faces of me, so that should be expected. I finally escaped to Walmart where I picked up some pet supplies and A Muppet Christmas Carol, which I will watch after Thanksgiving when it is appropriate. Of course, I have already begun working on Christmas presents, but we all know that Santa's workshop is cranking out the best presents all year round. Then I came home and watched a bizarre movie with my roommate and the cats. I don't remember anything eventful besides talking to random, fellow-oddballs online.

So I woke up on Saturday after sleeping for like 12 hours. This would go back to my raging apathy. I puttered around the house for a bit, tripping over the cats and pondering the sweet rolls in the fridge. Finally, I gave into the sweet rolls and gave them a nice send-off with some milk and probably a burp since I am such a graceful lady. Then I vacuumed and avoided doing anything of note. Seriously, I think I must be losing my mind.

I did go out that night though. I met up with some friends at the Annual Cash Bash to support, you guessed it, Stepping Stones. I watched people drink and smoke and felt my lungs slowly dying. I watched people buy about 5 billion little tip cards in the hopes of at least breaking even. With uncharacteristic luck, one of my friends actually left with more money than he came in with. Another friend left with more money than he came in with, but he was just collecting for other friends. Funny how that works sometimes. Then I went home and accosted a shower, so I would no longer smell like an ashtray.

It worked and I got enough sleep to wake up ready for the morning. I even made it to church. Happy shiny people rejoice. I even smiled and didn't disharmonize. Of course. I didn't do much besides listen to people. Now I have a line-up of people telling me things I do or do not want to hear coming up. Wish me luck and check in later.

We often dream of a simpler time
When children entranced by a simple rhyme
Were lulled to sleep in innocence
And it took more to cause offense
But as we grow, our world ages
More blood is written in more pages
And those who dream of simpler times
Must hide their eyes from such crimes
As the world has done, and shy from sin
For fear that their souls it will win
Sucking them in, sucking them dry
Leaving them alone with misery to cry

Yeah, it's been another one of those days. I woke up and went to work. Yeah, more fun with papers and books. I did get to venture to Kewlville where the kewlest people in the world gather to eat leftover pizza and fresh Stromboli. Ah, so little urge to write about my day. Someone, quick, throw a stick in my spokes and give me an exciting flight over my handlebars. More to come in the life of Bella when the circle comes into alignment again and tightens until I can no longer escape the fate I fear has come back around.

Well, most of you have probably noticed it is Veterans Day. If not, check your calendar, take a moment to appreciate life in these United States, and give thanks to those who have served so we can have fast food on every street corner and all those other healthy treats we enjoy as part of our freedom. If you see an eagle, the bird not the local football team members, give it a salute and maybe some birdseed. Hmm, I believe my brother is actually a veteran now--bizarre. I really am getting old.

I had a wonderful experience this morning. I slipped and fell down, so my knee has been on fire ever since. It's getting old and you can imagine it is not improving my mood. I like to ignore any extremities I don't need to type or create beautiful crafts. Having my knee announcing itself foils this plan.

I do have a survey for you, so open up another browser, open up your e-mail, click compose, and prepare to e-mail your answers to fanklubz@meowmail.com (and only that e-mail). I will post the best answers sometime in the next week. Try to keep it clean:) Fire:

1. Which scares you more pants gnomes, sock gnomes, or lawn gnomes?
2. Why?
3. Which is a cooler number seven, pink, or circle?
4. Why?
5. If you could be a famous farm animal, who would you be?
6. Why?
7. Describe the dorkiest hat you can think of. 8. Would you wear it while singing "I'm a Little Teapot" in a public place full of judgmental, violent people for an ice cream bar?
9. Do you know your drag queen name? If so, please share.
10. Would you be more embarrassed to have people know you dig Bavarian cream or that you can't get enough beef?
11. If you were a banned book, what would your title be?
12. Who do you think would write you as a banned book?
13. Do you love surveys or just love Bella?

Accepting answers indefinitely, so send them in whenever you happen across this entry. Make the subject something like: "November 11, 2003 Survey".

The day continued without much event. I did get to play with a bunch of shelf list drawers. Yes, I even got to count backwards, so I had more fun than most of you. I also got to help one of my friends move and look over some of the intriguing responses to the survey. Keep sending them, darlings, and be prepared to read the contributions soon.

I was a little tired when I posted my last smidgen of an update last night, so I thought I would share more info. I know that you are all on the edge of your seats now, thinking it involves beef and cream, but that will be posted a bit later in my excellent survey answers section. I think I'm gonna need it:)

I didn't feel overly helpful at the great moving party. Somehow my role seemed to consist of chasing a cute baby who wanted to help the men move heavy furniture and making the pizza guy feel like he was standing outside a mad house. I did give some fairly stable advice on couch movement, crib retrieval, and score myself some books. Thank you, Karnsy, you did make my Christmas in November a reality!!!

Another friend of mine dropped in to help out and give out more exciting news. My friends Jessica and Nathan are expecting another lovely baby. Congratulations, guys. They also live much closer to me than I thought they did, and I found out just in time for the holidays, which is good because they are on my Santa's Helper gift list, but I wasn't sure how to contact them. When things calmed down aside from some random cleaning, I also got to be a Jungle-Bella as one of my many nephews threw himself into my arms in search of protection from Dread Lord Vacuum. Always nice to feel like a defender of justice.

Okay, another random survey. Same specifications as before except for the fact that the date in your subject should change.

1. How do you eat a Reese's?
2. How does a Reese's eat you?
3. What is the most memorable advertisement you have ever seen? Why?
4. Who is the coolest advertiser you have ever seen in a sitcom? (yes, you do have choices)
5. If you were in a bar called Cheers, what would we call you? Why?
6. In honor of John Ritter, what do you think was his best role (film or television) over the years? Explain.
7. What product would you be most willing to buy from Bella? Why?
8. Where do you hide your cheese?
9. Do these surveys drive you batty?
10. Are you certain you weren't a little mad to start with?
11. How do you know?
12. What does your psychiatrist say about all of this?
13. Do you know your Star Wars name? If so, what is it?

Now, many of you know that Thanksgiving is a holiday that often gets overlooked in the world of advertising. It is sandwiched between Candy Day and Go Broke Day (or for those who don't feel it's all about giving expensive gifts and recognize it as the birth of our Savior, Christmas), so it doesn't get the hype. Except, of course, for gourmands and turkey enthusiasts who go out and try to save every turkey they can because they are such an endangered species, kind of like chickens. I feel the need to give a little more attention to this holiday right now, so hold onto your knickers and keep your funny bones at right angles for your own protection.

I can not apologize for my very being
This intricate soul who you aren't seeing
The one who cares and gives too much
The one who is crucified for being such
A friend to care and listen though
In truth, she knows she must go
But one more word, one more whisper
Then she'll go, and the air will stir
As she races forth to a destination
She may not be welcomed with elation
When she comes late to her own demise
Because she stopped to help, teary eyes
Cease their weeping, find their peace
But she should have no release
And that is why they cling on
When they know anyone else would be gone.

Ah, I'm a (well, I just can't say this because there are people who read my journal who would be hurt to read such a word), an uncaring, heartless wench who thinks only of herself. How could I? How dare I? Oh wait, I think we have some confusion again. Anyone who really knows me would see beyond that. I am just tired of being patronized. If I say that I know something, have some faith in me. If I do things my way instead of yours, just let me do so. If I want advice, I will ask, so don't start pouring it out.

I have been an ancient soul since I was seven. I left my childhood dripping and bleeding on a playground years ago. Her little skeleton is buried under a freaking addition to the building or maybe still clinging onto rotting pieces of wood on an old play set. Yet I am childish because I ask people to please keep in mind that I am busy and they are not the only people in my life. In short, if you don't feel I devote enough time to you, I have some thoughts for you.

A) I have two godsons, one of whom I have not seen in five months and the other I have seen once in the past four years. B) I haven't seen my mother in a month and talk to her like once a week anymore. C) The first time I saw one of my best friends in the past four years was at her wedding and I was afraid I was going to miss even that. Hell, she is in the hospital right now near where I live, has been there for a week, and I have barely talked to her let alone visited her and I have presents from past Christmases, her wedding, and one for the baby that I need to make sure she gets. D) Another friend of mine sees me once a month, if she is lucky and I kind of blew her off last week because I was being supportive of someone else.

On to other things for those who just want to be amused not pretend this journal gives them great insight into every part of my being like sleep.

Sorry for not posting yesterday. I have been out of my element for a while as I believe I warned you, but it is up now and I shall post survey answers as they come in, I promise. I went to visit my friend Gail in the hospital yesterday. After my rant, I knew I had to even though I hate hospitals. She seemed very pleased with her present but so tired as they began inducing her at noon the day before and her water had only just broke over 24 hours later. Still no word as to whether a lovely baby girl or a handsome baby boy has come into the world. It is my hope that both are resting peacefully in preparation for another day of familial outpourings of love.

I also got a phone call that did not add to my shiny mood. I don't tend to appreciate being volunteered for something without being given more information. Add to that the continuing attempts to make me feel guilty about it and you get an unpleasant personality problem. Of course, I am sure I shall get to hear how I am in the wrong and letting people down. I, of course, am not perfect because I do things besides what people demand that I do for them so they don't look bad. I am more than willing to serve my God, but that is because he gives me a clear indication of what I am getting into and allows me the right to choose.

So anyway, this ranting is getting old. It is Friday. It should be a day of celebration, so I will work up a nice long quiz to occupy the minds of the bored for a bit and then talk about what excitement there is in my world.

1. Does Bella's journal help you get your Z's? Why or why not?
2. What color sheep are you?
3. How often do you count penguins, bees, and devils while thinking of breaking windows?
4. If you could be a snack, what type would you be? Why?
5. Can you really break windows or do they break themselves?
6. How many goats does it take to change your mind?
7. What personality would be the opposite of yours?
8. Oil or lotion?
9. Peas or carrots?
10. Are you really so bored you want to keep answering weird survey questions?
11. Make a new jellybean in your mind. Tell me about it?
12. What is the scariest thing you have seen this week.
13. Did you make it all the way through this survey without trauma?

I have been being a little mirth bunny these days. I went to Friday Forum, a luncheon lecture series at my church, and presented one of my friends with a bumper sticker. She was very excited about it, so I am glad I invested some time, some stamps, and some patience in getting it for her. Remember that sometimes the smallest gesture does let someone know that you care.

Final update of the evening, Angel Christina was born yesterday at around 8:25.

I didn't seem to do much today besides wander through stores, but I did find a few more presents and some more interesting references. I also finished a couple of my special handmade presents although I see myself obsessively updating them later. That is about the extent of my joy for the day, so here's a survey to keep your fingers tapping:

1. If there can be only one, what should it be?
2. Have you ever seen a cracker in a barrel?
3. Have you ever met a leprechaun? If so, did you get his gold?
4. Have you thanked a turkey today? Why/why not?
5. Does saying "tofurkey" make you giggle?
6. Are you still answering these survey questions?
7. What do you wear beneath that kilt, laddie?
9. Did you really feel I needed an answer to that last question?
10. Ever met the same dream twice?
11. Do you think Tori is cooler than Bella?
12. How many ways do you know to peel a grape?
13. Which is cooler fire or rain?

So I woke up this morning in a foul mood. It was probably inspired by the cats. Rodney decided he needed to drag my blue flower, hippie necklace around the room. Then Ziggy decided to jump in and out of a bag and drag papers off my shelf. I was not amused. To add to that, I was soon greeted with half-veiled accusations. As if I were not aware that I am not perfect. However, those who wish to cast stones might want to ask me about my reasons. I do not ask for help that has already been offered if that help is reliable and has not been grudgingly given. I also do not walk away from things I actually volunteer to do. You can't make someone do something without giving them information and then confirming especially if they say, "Let me know more, I may be able to come up with something better." Okay, rant over.

I went to church this morning. That is always a great experience. I sat next to the kewlest people around (well, some of them--can't sit next to everyone). One of them was drawing pictures of the people talking. Ah, talents I wish I had, but no one is buying Belle memorabilia to support my goal. The other drew an interesting creature that I swear was buff Gollum or what he would have looked like had he never found the ring. No, I do not have a LoTR fixation, so take the survey of the day and quit smoking pipeweed.

1. Did Adam have a belly button?
2. Which came first the cow or the burger?
3. How many hobbit feet make a yard?
4. Would you rather be prime rib or sirloin tip? Why?
5. How much boredom does it require before someone wants to respond to these surveys?
6. If cheese could sing, what would it sing? Why?
7. Who moved my Z's? Is this why I sometimes have trouble sleeping?
8. Would you rather eat squid, jump off a cliff, or date a hairdresser? Why?
9. What is that over your head? Why is it there?
10. Did a lightbulb go off for that last question or just a big question mark?
11. When will it all end? How do you know?
12. Chester, Spuds, or Joe? Why?
13. Weasles, crickets, or noses? Why?

Ever reaching out for more than I should need
I feel the darkness, how souls do bleed
How my blood mingles and is set on fire
And slowly burned away in dark desire
For something more than I can describe
For a presence of pure love to arrive
But you are there on the outskirts again
Waiting to save me, pull me away from the sin
That taunts me from a past I almost forget
Until another fool tries the evil to abet
In the guise of friendship falsely sworn
That leaves my soul tattered and worn
Until I am back here reaching out for more
Reaching for sunlight on this stormy shore

As if I don't already have a dozen addictions, my mind decided to work up a quilt pattern for me last night. If I succeed at making this piece, it will be beautiful. Not sure anyone but me would think so, but I suppose that fifty centuries from now, I will find out. In the meantime, I still have to concern myself with Christmas and church and Thanksgiving and maybe even pretending to be normal long enough to get a driver's license. Yeah, sometimes I find myself a little behind the flock in my attempts to be a polka-dotted hippie sheep, earth sheep, and a

Congratulations, you're a Pillywiggin, a trouping flower fae.
What kind of female faerie are you?
Take the female faerie quizby Paradox

I guess that is just how the cookie crumbles in my world. I don't usually care as long as I can eat the cookie before it crumbles. I am one sexy fae, however, you can admit it--go ahead. Okay, stop drooling on your keyboard at the thought of my beauty. Now let's see how my day was.

I woke up and began dashing about. It was another fun day of lateness. Perhaps, related to that excessive need to create new projects for myself. I went to work where the barcodes waited for me with love and affection. I made many of them take their place away from my desk. Some more fiche appeared to dance for me. Yes, they dance for me. Maybe I should lay off the chocolate.

I also got to have an exciting lunch with Miss Kewl. We got to watch five billion people work together to figure out how to thaw lunch meat. Now what does defrost mean and why would they have that feature on a microwave? Who knows? Sister Lyda. Rock on, Sister Lyda!!! Then it was back to work for more barcodes and well, barcodes. Yeah, it wasn't the most exciting day in my world, but at least I have work to do.

The evening culminated with massive procrastination and game shows. Yes, I renewed my role as everyone's favorite game show host. I took it upon myself to create another fun game for my happy, shiny friends. Well, no quizzes tonight. I don't want you to get too burnt out, so answer the old ones if you haven't and await the magic posting. I will get to it. Have a sweet one.

Am I the predator or the unknowing prey
I feel I have trapped you somehow
But I feel myself slipping away
Because that is not what I want now
I feel my claws coming out, blood about to flow
Yet you smile at me with innocent eyes
And beyond it, I see something I can't know
I see beyond and see facades and lies
For I wish no harm to you, yet I can see
That as my heart wavers on the edge of tears
You are still out there pursuing me
Trying to play on all my deepest fears
So the predator will be waiting for you
Always there when you need her the most
But once more one wishes the parasite knew
Taking too much will kill the host

It's one of those dreary days. Rain keeps pouring down. The air is full of flood warnings and the squishy sounds of wet shoes. There was a time when I was young when I would watch the rain pouring with mounting excitement. When the rain was done, and perhaps before if it was not a thunderstorm, I would already be on my way upstream with a super noodle, ready to ride the rapids. Ah, but I have outgrown all of that. I outgrew it before I dared it but didn't quite have the heart to tell myself so. It is the perfect day for old souls like me to sit around the house lazily drinking a cup of hot chocolate or frozen hot cocoa (since it isn't really cold), but I went to work instead. Maybe later, I will reward myself.

So it is the moment everyone has been waiting for--the moment when I give my review. Review of what? Tori's new CD. If you didn't get that, you have not been reading my obsessive posts. I must confess I was a little disappointed. It does have a few songs that I do not already have in my collection, but mostly they are slightly different versions of her songs. The Dewey Decimal System feature does intrigue me though, so that gets an A+. The DVD is a nice edition, too, especially if you want to look at intriguing pictures of Tori. So would I recommend it to my friends? Of course. I'm warning you though, it is awfully pink.

Oh, what more do I have to say? Read on to find out. I have been processing a whole lot of information lately. I got free magazines from some mileage I had with United, so I have been perusing them as they come in. All will teach me to flip past advertising, but the two I have received are about becoming a better you in 20 of 60 pages and the other is about becoming a better hippie love child like such stars as Jennifer Beals and Darryl Hannah. Could be intriguing, I guess. I do get free recipes out of this. I also read an article today about silent dating. Basically, you sit in a room inundated with soothing noises and write little notes back and forth. Ah, how sweet. Now how to use this great new idea to my advantage. Perhaps another survey is in order:

1. So want to go on a silent date with me, baby?
2. Ever wanted to fly with the eagles?
3. Who is cooler Garfield or Heathcliff? Why?
4. What would you do for Sideshow Bob?
5. Do raindrops keep falling on your head? If so, does this make you want to dance and sing?
6. Would you buy bananas from a monkey? Why or why not?
7. What is the sappiest love song you can think of? Does it make you cringe?
8. Are your pets invited to turkey day or just invited to clean up after it?
9. How many woodchucks does it take to have a woodhcucking contest? How do you know?
10. If you broke down on a deserted road, would you get out and ask for help at a creepy old house?
11. Would you like to be a hobo? Why or why not?
12. Loose meat, what does it mean to you?
13. So does Bella watch too much television?

You know. I do tire of having to repeat myself. I tire of being told I said something when I know I said something quite different. I tire of trying to do people favors and then having them act odd when they waste my time and I comment on it. I don't have the time to stand around waiting. When I say that I am meeting someone else but will hand you something on my way through that is what I mean. I don't mean I want to stand around and wait for your convenience to do a favor for you. Is that really so much to ask?

That much said, please spread the word because I don't have time. I am busy juggling what time I have and I'd appreciate it if people would respect that. Otherwise, everyone is going to get one hour of my time a week and that's it--no phone calls, no answers to cries for help, no nothing that isn't already scheduled so there can be no confusion. I don't need to have my life that structured, but I do need to budget my time. And yes, this is a recurring theme, but it keeps popping up.

We live in a world where people live on instant coffee. We want what we want now, right now and if we can't have it, we get angry and storm off. We want our friend's attention right now even if we know they are probably busy elsewhere. We want instant satisfaction when it would be far sweeter if we waited. We want it all and we don't want to work for it. Sad, aren't we? Indeed we are.

Of course there are those who do care enough to devote time to those things that move them when they get two seconds. Ah, to have all the time in the world, but all I have is a few moments of silence while the library sleeps its holiday slumber before it is overrun by students seeking that last study break before finals. Unfortunately, I can not find within myself the muse to work on the many documents that I should be making blossom and grow. As a result of looking through some old disks yesterday, I officially seem to have twenty-one of these documents clamoring for my love. Perhaps, I should pick the one that currently has the most pages and work on it. I know which one it is without looking, but I fear it more than the others because I fear I poured too much of myself into it. That and I was working on it six years ago and will probably just tear it to shreds and start over.

No one reading that but me will understand it, I figure. Ah, but people do love to assume they know me. I have found another Bella expert. This one doesn't even know my name and probably doesn't even know me as Bella, but he does think I am like his grandmother, so he can't be too far off, right? This came about when I began rambling about quilting. See, more things to devote time to. I need an extra me, know where I can buy one?

The sun is my mortal enemy. Each morning when it is not dreary, I must battle it for the most precious right of all--the right to do my work. I find it hard to read my screen with the brilliant day star burning brightly above it, shining through the window and burning out my retinas. This morning I managed to escape long enough to check the mail, but it was not quite long enough. So I spent a fair portion of time feeling very vampiric, and wanting to destroy the sun or go live under the scarred skies of the Matrix world. I am sure it will pass since I am not really a vampire, or am I? Watch your necks, darlings.

Well, the day has been a growling success thus far. I have finished cutting out quilt pieces. I still have dozens of gifts that need my attention. I also have some cute kitties and lovable people who may miss me a little as I am headed off to mommy's house to spend some time with the family. This should be more fun than even I want to write about, so don't expect a big update tomorrow. On another note, be wary, random people may be letting me drive their cars over the next month or so, so try walking in the road while I drive on the sidewalk. Thanks!!! Love ya, Bella.

Another great day for my mementos as per usual. I spent turkey day with the family. I know you can only begin to imagine how eccentric they must be from reading this journal. I think I watched more straight television than is good for any one person. I did make some progress on the quilt that I shouldn't have started until after the holidays during all of this. Got to spend time with my mom and her cat, Yes, crazy cat ladies seem to run in the family.

Among the other fine things I learned today was that you can cook turkey on a George Foreman grill. As my mother's oven decided not to get with the Thanksgiving spirit, we had to resort to chopping the turky up and cooking it in various other ways. Yes, this also means that there was no miracle of pie *sad face*. Not that I need pie, anyway. Oh well, not much to see here. Come back later, maybe I'll find my funny bone and tickle it. Woowhoo!!!!

She dances just beyond your dreams
Too far for a gentle touch it seems
Though sometimes you extend a hand
In the hopes she'd understand
And slip a tiny hand into your own
Revealing that smile that so often has shone
Brighter than sunlight in wild a dream
But you don't use the words to redeem
The dancer who could bring you peace
With a dance and a breath's soft release
So she dances away while you linger on
Wishing you spoke before she was gone

It's been one of those days. I did a lot of uninteresting things and then lost all initiative to do anything. My house is a little cleaner and I have a few more presents under wraps. I have a long way to go before I'm finished though. Ah, it's so much fun being Santa's hobbit.

Well, I managed to be ill last night, so I have been afraid of food all day. That's right, Bella--the famous gourmand--didn't eat much today. My father did drop by and insist on buying me things. Those who know me can imagine how well that worked. I do aspire to be the anti-mooch. I realize it makes it hard for people to buy me things, but I do have my wish list, so you can all pool together and buy me something (or maybe not). More later when the excitement begins.