It seems like something is different today, doesn't it? I wonder what it is. Some of you have probably figured it out. Oh yeah, it's October. You know what that means. It means ghouls and ghosties are slowly waking up to scare little children. They have thirty more days to reach their full potential, so be wary. Those little creaks will become big creaks and then the whole house will be full of spooks. Okay, time for me to go accomplish some more fun things. Night night.

Well, I am updating again, which is always a good thing. I would hate to see poor defenseless readers left with no words to read. After all, my life is the most excitement one can find on the web. Okay, maybe not, but I do so love to have a delusion of grandeur from time to time. It keeps me young. Something has to because someday I am going to be ninety and still typing this journal and some things just have to be said about lil' Granny Bella when people, including my prospective grandchildren are checking out this site.

Anyway, not much has happened yet, but I have a game plan of swords and sewing that should prove eventful. I will have to post more if something astonishing or phenomenal happens.

My afternoon was filled with plotting. As Halloween draws closer, I can feel a million things calling for my attention. I have newsletters to put out, parties to plan, and small children to petrify or at least entertain. I spent about an hour having a net meeting with my fellow members of the entertainment errr...employee association. Ah, the plans we have for the upcoming Halloween party. Yeah, you know you wish you were invited and if you are, you'll be there, right?

I also had to get in more practice for the famous scene we will be performing ten nights this month. I was informed I am "good enough", so Mezon the swordsman has given up on me or he feels I won't break me. I also have put more thought to my costume, but not come up with anything overly useful. Hopefully, it is complete as it is or it may just get more elaborate as the month draws on. You'll just have to come to the Hayride a couple of times to find out. *wink* Now, I am working on random presents as it looks as though I may not have the money to buy presents for Christmas again this year, so be wary, and watching a little horror flick to get me in the mood to bring terror to the hearts of the young and impressionable.

It was an overwhelming weekend with a million things on the platter and more trying to squeeze themselves on. Between gearing up for Halloween, motivating myself to become more Bella, and thinking ahead two holidays to Christmas, I should be in a fine state of nerves and hyperness for weeks to come. In short, if the entries are huge covering days and far between, I would label that as a good thing. If entries fail to appear, well, there are other things posted around the site to explore, so don't feel too neglected. Anyway, about my weekend and how great it is to be uber-busy.

I managed to partially finish my mysterious present for the great Shelby. Then I realized I should find something for my other dear friend Gail who is also pregnant. Well, I am now industriously working on partially finishing that project so I can bounce between the two and feel gratified. As Gail is due in December, I shall probably be concentrating on that. This, of course, led me to thinking about Christmas and all the joy it brings. Since I am still poor because no one wants to buy my awesome t-shirts and help me out, people shall be receiving whatever strikes my fancy. In many cases, these shall be homemade gifts from me. Control your excitement and don't ask because no decisions are final in the gift department. I shall have to update my wish list, too, for those people avidly wishing to please me.

On Friday night, I prepared myself for my little goth girl impersonation. After successfully failing to make my roommate look like a big creepy guy, I returned to adding dark hues to my eyes, including mascara and dark eyeliner. I know how that always makes people go "oooh" and "ahh". I even popped in my contacts and let my beautiful peepers come out to say hello. Then I threw on some leather pants and a black shirt with white collar and cuffs, slipped a beaded necklace of large stature around my neck and prepared to go out into the woods. I managed to get whacked in the knee and across the cheek, very astonishing feeling, but I must have partially blocked the blow because the ache faded away in a brief period of time and I am not bruised and battered. It wasn't too bad cold wise and we had enough wagons to keep us on the go.

I woke up the next morning a little groggy, but still able to answer the telephone without squashing the cats who were attacking my ankles. I answered the phone to the famous Miss Kewl who wanted to make sure I was still alive. Tell people you are going to be fighting a tall, burly guy with a big stick and they feel they have to check these things. Our call was cut short by my mother calling from the hospital. I love her dearly, but she could be a scary scene if she were in the mood to talk about the right things. So send wishes of good health floating her way for me. Then I cleaned the house and worked on surprises before going out for another night of hay-riding fun.

The second night was as slow as the first. We set up our scenes in much quicker time after familiarizing ourselves with more efficient methods the night before. One of my fellow thespians brought us some pizza to chow on as we put finishing touches on our scary little world. Then we prepared to scare the screams out of the people riding the wagon. A path of moonlight floated down to illuminate me long before the lights went on, so I think that some of our guests were expecting me to charge the wagon, instead of the big guy with the sword. No such luck for them. We'd run through our scene and then throw on our coats, cuddle into them, and wait another half hour for another wagon. Hopefully things pick up so we will be active and full of joy. You know what, you could help out with that by dropping by and bringing all your friends.

I woke up yesterday with sore muscles and the aching sensation that I was missing something. Ah yes, General Conference was this Sunday. As it is broadcast via the net, I shall be able to catch up over the course of the week. My spiritual cup definitely needs filled. In fact, I already began this morning and continued into the afternoon. Now I have even more things to think of as I make my way through the rest of the day.

Then I was naughty Sunday evening. I went to see some real live belly dancers. The Visionary Belly Dance East Coast Caravan Tour pulled into Pittsburgh and a friend of mine and I made our way north to join other dance enthusiasts. We saw Raihana, Angela Prato, Laura Rose, and Delilah. Sirocco was also on hand to provide music for the "dancing ladies." I could tell you about watching people who have such incredible control over their movement and grace, but you could not appreciate it without seeing it. Words can only say so much. Needless to say, I am now more convinced I need to practice my wiggling, but I have a lack of money for lessons/videos, so I shall have to rely on my memory and random notes I have taken.

This morning, I made a new friend. His name is P. Low, as in Pillow. He's a cute fluffy penguin who dropped in a little early for the holidays. He likes me. He's cute. He has already bonded with the Bobs. Well, that is all I have for now. My little fingers are getting tired. So have sweet dreams and I shall sing more words your way later.

I feel compelled to remind my readers that only one definitive expert on Bella exists, and she is not revealing everything. Why? Because some things are better left buried and unknown, like my shoe size. No one really needs to know that.

So what makes me want to remind you of this? As usual, I am faced with people who believe they know me. These people seem to react poorly when I don't openly answer all of their questions about my life, my world, and what I am doing right now. I was on a kick about my ambassador a while back. I wondered why people felt they needed to talk to someone else to get through to me, and now I realize it is because that individual thinks they know all about Bella. No one can completely understand someone else, especially when they can't stop singing their own praises long enough to listen.

That said, come to Bella for all the Bella news that is news. Speaking of Bella news, I got back my second rejection letter (not for the same item, but still a little depressing). I fear my love letter may be too deep for the average person, but I tend to be bull-headed, so I shall try again. After all, if you don't have enough love and faith in your own work to stand up for it, how do you expect someone else to take an interest in it?

I also got a couple of sewing books this morning. It really is Christmas in October around here. A little ironic since one of my friends says this is his Christmas. Ah, the joy of scaring small children. Yes, I am on a kick, can you ever forgive me? Well, if not, you'll miss my next batch of commentary as you close the window.

An angel weeps into the depths of my soul
Such sadness, such pain has taken a toll
Can't bear to hold the weight of wings
The knowledge and joy truth brings
And so much more, unimagined by man
For they don't see, they say they can
But their eyes are blinded, filled with more
Images of death and lust than faith and peace
My soul cries, my weeping can not cease
For I see through, past all those lies
A sinner who sees with an angel's eyes
And wishes she felt nothing, ceased to care
For a moment, but is always found there
In the heart of the storm offering solace
To those who dare look beyond the palace
For the peace offered from repentant hands
That which is built humbly, still stands

You are the Blue Angel. You have powers over all water. Any place by a body of water is your home because the gentle sounds calm you. You're a leader among all and you would never steer anyone wrong. Sure your moods may change like the temperament of the sea, but no one's perfect.
Which Angel are you?
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The angel speaks and poets weep. Words pour forth to express pain, confusion, and depths of love than can not be understood. Then I awake from my ponderings of the world around me and the foolishness I see. I wake up to a big wooden truck full of books and a shiny black computer. So I had another wonderful day of work full of out of this world technology, dust, barcodes, and plotting parties. Ah yes, it is a month for parties. You know how that goes. After all, everyone lives for Halloween.

Middle of the week and not much to say, but maybe I can pick up some cows later or some sheep. I can take them for a spin in my rented limo and around the block. According to recent quiz-taking, it has to be a Jersey cow, however. What on earth am I talking about? Well, look:

What type of Cow are you? brought to you by Quizilla

Yeah, that's right, I'm a Joisey cow and I have a lovely brown coat. I could be turned into the cutest pants or maybe just the cutest purse. In the meantime, I shall have to keep using my old cow pick up lines to find a bull to the cow in me or I could work on my new masterpiece. Or I could just sit here and watch television and ponder the fact that my muse is sleeping. Any ideas on how to wake her up?

I think the bunny says it all. I think the fact that I specifically looked for that quiz says even more, since that bunny is known for such sweet sayings as "you smell like poo". Indeed, you never know. I may be visiting one day and while your back is turned I could whip out some duct tape and build a scale model of a space shuttle while murmuring about ablation and iron cladding. You never know it could happen. I do seem to have this moon fixation. Maybe it is the books I am working with right now or perhaps the other quiz I took says it all:

Moon Faerie!

What Faerie Are You?
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Somehow the results of that quiz did not surprise me. I have been calling myself the moon goddess for years. The story behind that one actually is rather amusing, but I don't feel it needs to be told. Probably because it is funny and my funny bone is not tickled right now. I feel glum, very glum. I don't deal well with rejection for some reason. Okay, rejecting me is something I expect, rejecting one of my many creations is another story. Then again, sleep would probably wash all this glumness away, but as usual, I lie down to sleep and my mind races wildly.

Oh the dreams I have when I barely close my eyes, or perhaps those are my reality and I never really sleep at all. Perhaps it is true that I seem to want to do everything at once and lack the time to do it, Perhaps it is true that somewhere inside of me, a small child who is still afraid to come out from under the bridge is still crying and wishing it all away. All of what? All of this. All of the pain. All of the joy. All of the taunts. All of the false promises. All of the memories. All of the intuition. All of the empathy. Everything that makes me Bella and everything that makes me this weepy woman behind the keyboard.

And I am sure that so many people think they know the entirety of the woman who types these words. After all, I am so transparent and so willing to impart every detail of my world. If I said "crashing glass", you would know that memory. If I said "doggy", you would laugh with me a little and completely understand. If I were to speak of "crack crack crack", you would instantly know the visions in my head. Or you would not and you would wonder and you would ask and I would look at you and wish you had not spoken, for you do not know, nor do you need to.

If your love and friendship were unconditional, you would not wish to understand me completely or wish to have knowledge of the memories that kill my soul, just know me enough to step back, to give me time, to allow me to breathe without making demands of me. You would understand enough to know that sometimes I want to be held and sometimes I want to be let go. Sometimes I want to be wooed and at others I want to be respected, that I am woman and child, mother and daughter, friend and fighter, laughter and tears. Just bear with me and open your ears to the echoes of my laughter and the memory of my smile that perhaps your memory may bring it to pass once more with no words, only actions.

It has been another eventful day in my world. I woke up early and threw some food together for breakfast. It's amazing how yummy a frozen bagel can taste when you out an egg, some cheese, and some sausage on it. With that joy done, I rushed off to work where I did the normal act of blasting off with NASA books. We even had a special visit from Heather, the follower of Pooh. She seemed to appreciate my roughed-up dog and other various decorations.

Then it was home to bedeck myself in black and join the scaring squad. Things were pretty uneventful until part of my fan club hopped a wagon and rode through. I didn't expect a barrage of people telling me to whack a guy with a stick. Thanks for the encouragement, kids. Sleep, need sleep.

Which Elemental Goddess are you?
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Well, there we have it. I am pure and helpful and healing. Isn't that so true? Though I never thought of myself as an anime character, I think those eyes may be accented enough. Haven't noticed my eyes, lately? Take a closer look.

Finding laughter in the leaves, sunshine in the moon
A wisdom that will grant, the most sacred boon
And bring you back to peace, return you to the light
So you can make from wrong that which is right
A moment of repentance can bring for eternity
All the promises that you never thought you'd see

I have no idea where that came from, but there it is. I did quite a bit of laughing in the leaves. For some reason falling down cracks me up. Perhaps, it is because I am all cracked up.

It was your average day for me. I had lots of work and lots of social activities. I also got more than my fair share of watching other people make out and being ignored though I have a loud voice. One of my co-workers is getting married this Saturday, so we took the opportunity to congratulate her. We even made use of the punch bowl for some healthy, non-alcoholic punch. Okay, maybe it had too much sugar to really be healthy, but you'll have that from time to time.

Arianrhod is the Celtic goddess of the full moon (or the 'silver wheel'), of reincarnation, and of the Wheel of the Year. You are mysterious and serene, yet you can be stubborn and even cruel.

What Celtic Goddess are You? (With pictures)
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Beware my cruelty, beware my pain, beware the wrath that comes on the edge of a moonlit dream.

October 14, 2003: Returning to Me

I come crashing through the mist,
Wishing I had never been kissed
That I had never grown tall enough
To worry, to need to feel so tough
Though my stone skin has worn
Away, and I feel my heart torn
By ever daring to give it in love
And you remind me, I dream of
A perfect world I made to live
Until I had no more to give
And now the threads wear through
And I can do nothing for you
Or anyone who aches and bleeds
As once more my own needs
Come back to remind, to burn
My mind; so to me, I must return

Someone mentioned to me at work today that when you give someone your time, you give them a piece of yourself. This is incredibly true. I have been struggling with this lately as I have so many things to do and so many people making demands on me. I am trying to make some gifts from the heart for a couple of friends who are pregnant, not to mention trying to get ideas for Christmas presents for the many people who actually deserve them. Making gifts, of course, takes time, as does volunteering at the Hayride to help support Stepping Stones.

What other people don't realize is that this means I can't give them the exhorbitant amounts of attention they have come to expect. I like people. I would even say that I am a people person, but with all the people coming into and out of my world, I can't devote all my energy to keeping them all entertained. Well, I could, and in a way, I do with this lovely journal, but I don't need twenty new best friends who want to gush and confide in me. Sometimes I do see my addictive net personality coming out in the real world and people latch onto it. *sigh* I just don't have that much to give, so if I am lagging, slacking, or seem rude, don't take it personal, I am running low on energy and need to rest while my batteries recharge for another go.

Other things at work have also set my mind to working overtime. If I got paid for every thought, I would be rich. I have these lovely barcodes. They make me giggle. I have lots of librarians who mill about a variety of subjects, filled with or carrying knowledge about. It's almost too much for one wee hobbit who is forced to wear shoes though her feet are little nudists.

I am also still single, but maybe some of the following will help me solve that problem or at least make my readers giggle which is the real purpose:

Nothing in the world is quite like knowing more than you should. Hooked into the world like Neo to the matrix, one can not help but wonder to what purpose their knowledge is meant to be used. Some days I fear my own conceit. Why? I do nothing that people can not live without or find a replacement for, yet I hope that not everyone takes me for granted.

Today has been mildly eventful with a chance of entertainment. I woke up early and made my way to work where keys are lacking and hobbits keep sticking their chubby little hands in the candy jar. This happens every day, but today we had something different. We had a meeting to discuss all of the wonderful things that we do for the patrons of our library world. Then it was more barcodes and fiche for me. So you can imagine that the rest of the day went well. I did, however, finish one of my baby shower presents. Ah, now to decide what to do for Halloween.Thoughts?

I am sure everyone knows about the famous Mormon temples. I hear all the time about how wonderful and peaceful it is in one. I could use that kind of peace. My mind is ripping apart again, trying so hard to be in twelve places at once. But I can't go there, for the peace would be disrupted as all my demons follow me in, weighing down my heart and dragging me under the rivers of blood that in their cruelty won't pull me under.

Not that I have a pressing need to go to the temple, right? Most of the people who tell me of its beauty and peace are talking about their wedding day. Well, we all know I am not engaged. True beauty is just too hard for a man to take in marriage. After all, if it takes any effort at all, why do it?

On a more positive note, I am:

Raver Bear

Which Dysfunctional Care Bear Are You?
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Every day is Halloween and I don't mean because it is October. You can see people in masks all around us. They apply it as thinly as a layer of powder and as thickly as trying to cover their hearts and souls with lies and deceit. A little extra attempt at perception can help us to see what they try so hard to hide under make-up, glitz and glitter. They're just as insecure as us. They just want more desperately to be accepted and adored. Ah, but I am adored, am I not?

I can dance for myself. I can dress in sweatpants and an old t-shirt and someone who truly adores me will still find me charming. My face rarely is hidden under layers of powder (only for scaring small children) and the right person will appreciate that. I shouldn't have to convince you I am something I am not to win you. I shouldn't have to beat you over the head Neanderthal style and drag you into my cave. Are you even out there? More importantly, why do I care if Mr. Right is out there?

Must be the cooler weather. Makes my cat's cuddles not quite warm enough (unless he is wrapped around my toes). Perhaps, it is the dozens of people working on instant relationships (take two people of the opposite sex and stir for two seconds, then make the wedding arrangements). It does not help that many of them seem to be more to date the person their friends approve of rather than the person they truly love or because they have to date the "beautiful" girl. You know the girl I mean--the one who has a date within ten seconds of being in an area. It's not worth it and yet the people who keep telling me what a treasure I am, are also the ones who show me I am trash. Ironic that words and actions contradict each other. Ironic also that guys like to tell me who they think is hot.

Too bad that I don't sway that way, so I will just stay here, alone, until my prince comes to my castle to claim my heart. I stand unwavering--I will not deign to ask anyone out unless it is a friendly date and I have never dated them before, of course. First, I am a little old-fashioned and it is the man's responsibility to go after what he wants. Second, the last time I outright asked someone on a date (friendly not romantic), he acted like I asked him to scoop dog poo, so I shall have to select carefully. So, if you want me, you better claim me because I am trapped with NASA books and I am this far [------] from building a spaceship and blasting off in search of intelligent life.

On to other topics, come watch me and a big stick do a little dance. We're awesome--my stick and I. Even though we did not get to exhibit this skill due to the rain this evening. Instead I went in search of more materials for the domination of Christmas happiness. My mission was a failure, but I still have some projects to work on before I become deeply worried. I have ideas for at least four gifts, maybe more. Now I leave you to figure out what my masterpiece of choice is going to be tonight. My head is so muddled that I seem to be developing three at once which is only going to work until I get more than a page for any one of them.

SET ME FREE

Set me free, to dance, to dream
To let it out, to scream
Until the moon drips with tears
That wash away all my fears
Bringing me back, rising from the floor
To dance for me once more
Only for me could I dance this way
Let loose, find grace and sway
My figure clouded with veils
That tell their own tales
As they trail out, cover me
And it is seen there is no other me

I am not a game, I am a living, breathing goddess of fire. Beware the flames.

Tell me nothing, for I see through your lies
Speak not for your words offer no solace
Do not look at me, you see with blind eyes
Look away, you have no right to see my face
For you gave away that right
The first time a lie crossed your lips
The first time you give up the fight
Away, a chance so quickly slips
So when you turn and behold nothing more
Than an empty space or closed door
I don't want you to bring tears to me
For you never claimed my sympathy

People tell me not to care. They tell me to close off my heart and ignore it. I wish I had no heart to beat and to speak to me of love and friendship. I wish I had no mind to understand truth and decency, but I am cursed with these things. In order to appease those who wish me to be as heartless as they, I shall try my best not to show you that I have one. So if I am cold or insensitive, it is at your behest.

I have accomplished nothing today. I woke up this morning with a terrible headache. This did not lead to church attendance. We did get seen by 551 people last night, however. It was a good day for hauntings in Westover. Stepping Stones will be able to help a lot of people this year. If you haven't dropped by to see the show, I highly recommend it. Well, nothing more to see here today. Move on, but come back later for more on the glorious life of the beautiful, heartless goddess of love--BELLA!

It has come to my attention that during my life, I have desired to be just about everything from an astronaut to a zebra. I would have gone with zealot, but very few people want to be a zealot. Though I have recently heard about zealot chickens. I wonder if eating one of those makes you a zealot too. Only one way to find out, so if you see a zealot chicken, send it my way so I can chow down and test this hypothesis.

Another glorious day of work unfolded for me after I woke up and tripped past the cats' defenses. They almost got me on my second pass through the kitchen, but they failed. So the future astronaut made her way to work and the NASA books that seem endless. Not that I am complaining. I do enjoy having work to do. I also got to spend lunch with Miss Kewl to the deep envy of everyone the world over. I also got another reminder that people often think they know what you want when they don't (I swear I asked for ham and cheese but got pizza instead).

Yeah, another lovely day in the life. I also got to hang out with the happy, shiny people. Unfortunately, the person who gave me a ride home has a car that does not love me. It decided to die halfway to my place. So my poor roomie had to come claim me. And now I am watching a male soap opera (wrestling complete with lovie dovie moments) and thinking about sleep and a world full of empty hearts. Sweet dreams.

I forgot to mention that I went out dressed like a cowgirl last night. I had a cowgirl hat, so it seemed like a good idea at the time. It was also another excuse to wear my boots and stand out in a crowd. You can imagine the sparks were flying, but that came much later when my cat attacked me and I started petting him and realized he had static cling as lightning danced off his little ears. I considered rubbing him down with a dryer sheet, but then I would have had to move, so I slept instead.

So it is another wonderful day in my world. I have a million things to do and a couple of people who are angry with me because I don't give them ALL of my free time. That's right, I am truly insensitive. I decided to allot some time to my own agenda instead of serving everyone else. Of course, the majority of my agenda does, in a way, serve other people, but I should forgo sleep and eating for that, right? Once more the journal turns into a to-do list as I remind people of the things I have to work on this month:

the Hayride (come see it and support Stepping Stones), a Candy Day party at church (I have some help, but we know I will be picking up the slack), a Halloween party for my workplace, Christmas presents (since I am making a variety of gifties, I need to actually work on them), baby shower gifts (usually good to dole those out before the baby makes a grand entrance into life), I need to work on three side projects to decide which shall be dubbed my masterpiece and given more attention, I'd love to organize my craft stuff to expedite gift production (that's right, I am a hobbit elf--you may want to look at last year's December entries), I also have some people to visit and binders to organize and two newsletters to write/edit and another newsletter I write an occasional article for. And I can't forget that I do work full-time, attend church, sleep, try to touch base with the friends that I don't see or talk to every day. I have also volunteered to help a friend write some scripts (of the play sort, altp, sorry--which reminds me I do wish to learn to code). I need some time to practice my bad Bella bootie-shaking belly dance.

That looks like a total of 21 items right there and it is not a complete listing. Since I didn't list updating this journal, trying to post In a Box from time to time, keeping my inbox rather clean, and basically helping anyone who asks nicely. So for those of you who think I am being a pUNK for not spending more time with you, I dare to think that you should be happy I make time for you at all. It does show that I care about you, so calm down and get the lead out.

Speaking of getting the lead out, they say that the pen is mightier than the sword, but what of the pencil and the dreaded lead poisoning? *wink* *nudge* And check out Tori's site and see if it reminds you of anything. I like coincidences and all, but sheesh!!! Okay, a million things clamor for my attention, so I shall have to go now. *waves*

I call to you, ask you to dance with me
A simple request, share this dance with me
But you only wish to watch from the side
Hoping you'll see through to what I hide
Into my heart, the depths of my heart
But without the dance, you can't share a part
Of the woman who dances within
And knows not where to begin
With an explanation of self, as she spins
And somewhere, someone guesses at secrets, sins
Motivations for such a wild motion
But they, too, don't understand this motion
That brings me to sway, to tango with the sun
Because partners in dance, I have none

Well, that's not entirely true. My cats dance with me every morning, luring me to the kitchen to feed them. Rodney had a breakthrough this morning. I know this because I woke up to him purring in my ear at some forsaken hour. Perhaps, it was really a breakdown. Rodney is not a big purr beast. He's just a beast. I have the scars on my hands to prove it. I woke up a bit later and ventured into the wonderful world of work.

Everyone knows how exciting that can be, so I won't make you too jealous by going into details. I did see a chick sleeping on a table during my lunch break. I mean she was actually draped across the table. Not that I can talk, I like to sit on tables. One of my coworkers is even nice enough to keep a space cleaned for my random visits. I should visit more often though, or she might forget about my bad behavior. However, she fled the area early like the other people who are running screaming from the city today.

Excitement and disruption have reigned today as touchdown city gears up for another exciting football game. While the students see how much blue and gold paint they can pour on their faces, bodies, and pets, the homeless people are trying to scrape together enough money to buy some hot dogs to roast over the couch fires on Grant Avenue that usually follow the game. It doesn't matter if we win or lose, as long as enough drunk people congregate in one area and one of them has a lighter. We weren't voted the number one party school for nothing. Of course, when they started giving the questionnaire in the library (which many people don't even visit), we lost that rating. *shakes her head*

Speaking of partying and having fun, I know how to have fun. Of course, I forgo that to update my website, parts of which need an overhaul. I am also gearing up for the holidays. I need to post links to my shops, so people can buy me t-shirts designed for me, by me and other goodies. I love the holidays. Why am I thinking about Christmas? Probably because one of the new products at cafepress is ornaments. Now I have more possibilities for decoration. Anyway, more on the joy of gift giving later.

I dance into the dawn, seeking moments alone with me
Look up again and see you still trailing me
I need this moment and this sweet solace
But I can not be alone even in this place
My mind echoes with words of your perfection
You read on, but see not my dejection
For your pain alone is worthy of any note
And you think I should my life to you devote.

I got to spend some time with Karnsy today. The little pirates helped to entertain me as we began preliminary steps to amusing the world. I could tell you more, but I am sworn to secrecy. I know when to keep conversations to myself. I also like to process what I am reading completely and keep from making random assumptions. It keeps me safe from offending my friends or hurting them in any other way.

I also got to work on my Halloween costume. Yes, the famous contest that I will unveil for the Halloween party at work. That is going to be a great day. I get to wake up, dress up, decorate, watch people eat, entertain people, clean up, change into another costume, entertain more people, go home, shower, and pass out from pure weariness. I just can't seem to shake that deep down busy feeling. I only hope people are smart enough to realize how serious I am when I say, "I am really busy this month." I wonder sometimes how much they process of what I say from the demands they make on me.

Well, the morning promises work and space shuttles. So I am going to blastoff to project Zzzz.

Three superheroes stand before you. One is a chubby little child who didn't quite grasp the under part of underpants. The next is a man with spiked fuscia hair and a big O splashed across his chest. The third is a goddess of light and love with long, hair almost golden in the sun and a B embroidered on a tye-dye dress. They stand ready to defend the world against evil in their own way, but ironically, it is B-Me who has too many people wanting to be her or use her. Somehow the fact that certain constants are in effect escapes the world.

As I have said a million times, I only have so much time and a billion things I am working on, many of which need to be accomplished before the end of next week. In short, some parts of my website have not seen an update and may not. The MUD site needs an overhaul which may not happen until Christmas. In a Box needs a contribution, which I hope to have finalized for next week, but no promises. It is actually a miracle that this journal has been updated, but I have thrown a couple more pieces of mirth onto the random Halloween pages. I also shall not be accepting phone calls from people who talk to me frequently.

Why? Because it is hard to talk on the phone and type/ sew/ clean/ formulate/ make prizes/ plan activities/ and so forth. I do love my friends, don't get me wrong. I am more than willing to hang out with you, but I do expect you to make note of certain facts such as limited time, the fact that I have many friends, and I may be distracted. That's right, my cup is full right now, so don't try to make it over flow or you'll drown in my unhappiness along with me. This does leave options: a) schedule a lunch/dinner date with me, b) e-mail me and I will respond at my leisure, c) catch me at church or a church activity where I should be more laid back (remember, I have other friends there too), d) read this journal, e) talk to me online (keep in mind I may go in and out of idleness).

I believe that I am being fair to my friends. I just need time to finish things. I am also rather irritable and uptight because I have many deadlines coming up. I should be posting with more interesting details, but that is dependent on accomplishing some goals. Much love to my peeps.

Well, it wasn't a big night at the Hayride. That may be because it was cold enough to freeze the nose off of a fire breathing dragon. I do believe I actually saw one run past at one point. He, too, was probably trying to avoid the idiot who tried to hit on me. Yes, he was like twelve. He also tempted me about as much as a kickball. On other words, I was tempted to kick him. I don't have anything else to report, but maybe I would if my butt would thaw out. Smile for me.

It's the month that never ends, but my "to do" list should be getting shorter soon. Well, it will get shorter until I throw my many Christmas projects on it. Ah, such is life. Well, wish me luck and have a good one.

The path you have chosen, must come to a Y
You must decide, you must choose, not I
And when I reach my Y, I do expect
That you will let me choose, out of respect
Yet you push me and pull me, try to control me
Tell me all my "sins", then idly extol me
Though you contradict your last set of lies
And then laugh to think of tears in my eyes
For your pain must be matched by mine
And no pain I have, should ruin the design
Where I am ever the rock, though my rock shattered
And in lifting you up, very little mattered
Even the sand that chokes me still
And what a witch I'll be, if you can't kill
All that is me, make me into an extension of you
But you won't listen, they never do
Thus is the curse for we who care at all
To wither, die, and in infamy fall.

It's going to be a long week. The month is almost over. I still have so much to do and so little time. In fact, I shall probably continue to feel harried and unpleasant well into the next couple of months. I don't see the situation improving especially as I have been told what a horrid person I am who doesn't make enough time for her friends. I just can't seem to get in touch with a lot of them--a couple of whom I have the feeling really need me right now, but aren't reaching out to me. Hard to explain what I am babbling about. People don't really want to read about that anyway judging from the lack of comprehension of blatant requests for peace in previous entries and failure to respond to a barrage of e-mails from others.

Sneaky sneaky and tippity tap, Bella is hobbitting into your nap. That's right, mischief night is almost upon us and if I don't get enough love and sugar, I may resort to violence and egging.Or I can just stand in the doorway and throw candy at little people dressed as ghosts and ghouls. Ah, but so much fun awaits me before the month will be over. I get to dress up in my grand costume of the season and dress up twice more for the people who make their way to the park.

I didn't do much of interest today. One of my possible masterpieces finally hit page three. Not that this is a great feat, especially considering the fact that it spans most of the content of the book. My brain is so scattered right now that I can't make it work in a straight line. It does lend itself to interesting results, however. I have also entered the final round of costume design. I really need to buckle down and use my time to my advantage. That's right, my time is a rare commodity right now. Yes, that does imply that you should direct any correspondence in a way that I can answer at my leisure such as e-mail or even, perhaps, private notes on my guest book.

Now for a brief reminder of the fact that I am not a terrible demon:

?? Which Angel Or Demon Are You ??
brought to you by Quizilla

Everywhere avid candy lovers are gearing up for another holiday of candy retrieval, candy sorting, candy trading, and, in the event of stinginess, house defilement. Adults are stocking up on the sugary potions that will send small goblins and ghouls back to the infernal depths from which they came. (Their parents will then have the joy of dealing with them as they dance on the ceiling and sprinkle unwanted candies on the floor so the family pet can join in the fun.) Children are screaming their way through the costume aisle in search of that one perfect costume. They do have special criteria for these costumes which include but are not limited to the following:

1. It must be as close to forbidden as their parents will let them wear.
2. It must be something that no one will ever want to wear again. (Children are trying to help the costume company after all.)
3. It must be just the opposite type of material recommended for the day it will be worn (wool if it is uncharacteristically warm, gauze if it is subzero.)
4. It must take an incredible amount of time to put on and get just right.

If all the criteria are reached, the child has a costume. If some unexplainable detail has not been reached, then the search begins anew. This is how parents spend hours in the costume section and end up with a costume of their very own. How do I know? I have about 20 kids. If you don't get that one, it may be best not to ask. I also saw some of these happy parents trailing behind their children and creatures about the height of children but swathed in so much fake fur and make-up that you can't tell for sure if they are children or alien lifeforms invading our planet.

But maybe aliens really are invading the planet. Shhh. I can't say any more about the subject. Instead I shall distract you. *holds up a disco ball and begins to dance* Ah, the Halloween costume is slowly coming together and that means I should go work on it. Keep dancing.

Another busy day in the world of Bella draws to a close. Today I threw on my best gypsy costume and headed off to work. I was told that I didn't look any different than normal, but I don't believe that. Great excitement was to be had as my friends and I celebrated Candy Day. One of my co-workers was jilted by her bony boyfriend when he snuck off to Hawaii via the Las Vegas White Wedding chapel with cross-dressing George (another skeleton who was dressed in a bride's dress.) We ate, we drank dirty bathwater punch, and we had a good time.

After cleaning up and failing to accomplish anything too useful, I ventured home. I got to change again and go out to entertain the few who made there way to the park for a good scare. We even hopped a wagon and rode around to be attacked by freaks and psychotic killers. You know you are all envious and will come out tomorrow just to see us if there is no rain. Well, more on my antics and artistry later.