Wake me up before my heart reaches out too far
Wake me up before I touch that golden star
Wake me up before my dreams touch yours
Wake me up before you turn to your whores
Or let me rest until love has gone cold
Or let me rest without realizing what you hold
Or let me rest as your own heart bleeds
Or let me rest no more to tend your needs

My prince awoke me this morning with his normal pomp and vigor. Oh wait, he didn't. *gasp* He was trying to get in his own cat nap and didn't seem pleased with me rolling about in the attempts to motivate myself to awake. Like the hobbitmobile, it takes me a while to warm up in the morning, but, perhaps, I will do something about that. I may just have to find motivation to wake up early. I am sure one of my many projects would like to be a wake up activity. *ponder* I could begin working on the yearly campaign of joy that reminds people that I have been bringing out the best and the worst of my journal rantings (well, maybe not all of them--a diva can have more than one journal).

Work was as exciting as usual, rampant with, well, work. I also got to go to lunch with my work mommy. We dropped into the Cafe of India for some yummy food. Of course, eating a buffet should remind me to never eat again. I also made alien cookies for an activity and that is about all I have to say today. Some days, no matter how happy you are, you just don't have much to say.

Let it burst forth like a dragon's flames
Burning your mouth, inflaming your lips
Scream into the night, all the names
That have you locked in their grips
As three faces merge and become one
Tied only by a love you can not give
To any, to the moon, stars, or sun
That burn within you, make poems live
Under your skin, in every breath you take
Because none had strength to accept
The love that only angels can make
Pour out so freely, so few reject
Such love if they feel its power
And some crave it, why can't love
Turn backward just one hour
And pour itself out to one worthy of
And willing to accept one chaste kiss
That can bond souls, turn dreams real
But no one sees, though none could miss
The strength of love, one heart can feel

Seems like there is a lot on my mind. Sadly, it is hiding from even me, afraid to pour out too prematurely. I will figure it out eventually, but, as always, I fear the destruction that will be left.

The sauna had an interesting twist today. At one point, I expected to see some zookeepers ushering adorable penguins into my cubicle as I was almost to the point of shivering. The air conditioning in that building is in serious need of an attitude adjustment.

Aside from climate issues in the workplace, I didn't do anything too exciting. I scared the crap out of some other drivers, I am sure, but that is pretty normal for me these days. For my next trick, I shall fall asleep. Eventually. And hopefully my dreams won't make me wish I had not fallen into sleep.

We've been cruising the highways for weeks, platform sandals strapped to our hairy feet so we can ride like men, real men, men of the new Middle-earth. We've got leather jackets and strange glasses strapped to our faces to keep out the dust. Our hair is safely tucked under helmets. Our hands are locked firmly onto the handlebars. We are one with the road and so much freer than we ever felt in the shire. More often than not, our second breakfast consists of the bugs we swallow as we take to the open highway, zipping in and out of the lanes. Imagine that rush. Imagine that exhilaration. Imagine for a moment that you too were short enough to ride with the West Coast Hobbits.

So that is just a hint of the new and exciting shows that you will be able to view on hobbit tv--the all hobbit channel. More to come in moments when my brain loses touch with reality.

So I spent last night playing cards with some friends. My roomie maintains that I can not play cards. My family would be appalled to think such a thing. We have some avid card sharks in the family. Of course, I don't believe my roomie, but that is another story. This led to me not getting as much beauty sleep as a young hobbit needs.

So today was pretty average. I slogged through some fiche and spent a little time with the script during lunch. I need to slap in the last act and then give it criticism. I also need to get criticism from other people. Then we can get to the joy of acting and dancing around with fabric. I did get the chance to hang out at Panera with some other lovely ladies. We know how to have a party, but if you didn't get to come to our party, I won't bore you with details.

Sunlight peeking from behind the cloud
Something inside has you singing out loud
Water gurgling through crystalline streams
Singing of birds, awakening your dreams
Just when it seems that joy is too much
Raindrops come pouring down and each touch
Of water washes over you, washes pain away
Leaving you speechless, nothing else to say

Anyway, all poetry aside, I knew the day was intriguing when I got my word of the day, which is the phrase "Boston marriage". The definition for this catchy phrase is "A long-term, intimate friendship between two women, often sharing a household." In that case, the lovely goddess of love could claim to have been married to her darling Aravan. We did live together for quite a few years with our cats. I knew everyone would want to hear that.

It is always good to be loved and assured you are loved, isn't it? Sometimes I fear I am neglecting the people I love. This usually leads to random bouts of running around trying to make sure people know. My world will be shaken again soon. People will be returning from summer vacation. New people will be pressing into my world (some rather forcefully assuming that I "have" to be their friend). Through it all, I must remain constant and cheerful. I just hope it will be a smooth transition, and I won't have to be too blunt with my pseudo-friends. Some people, as much as I respect them as people, don't have that spark that kindles deeper more lasting friendships.

Anyway, I have also been reminded of how freely people use the word love. I am also reminded how fickle hearts can be. I can only hope that the people I care about realize that I do care even when other people are driving them mad. I apologize if I don't have the right words to say. I apologize if I don't seem to care enough. I am merely human--a little selfish sometimes, trapped sometimes by my own memories, limited by my own willingness to believe.

Work was as exciting as usual, rampant with microfiche and me adding more books to the pile I want to check out and read. I am trying to wait until I bring some of the other's back first. I wouldn't want to hog them all, after all. I did find a fabulous fuzzy fruit on my desk when I wandered through during lunch today. Add that to the donuts that were fluttering around begging to be devoured and you have a good day.

Of course, I had to go and make it better--just so I could babble in my journal. The hobbitmobile and I hit the road and probably scared the crap out of many of the other people who had the same thought. I believe I racked up at least an hour of sheer driving excitement this evening. I drove to a 50s and 60s diner where I enjoyed the appetizer more than my meal. A good appetizer can do that for you. Then I had a marvelous piece of pie to round out my sweetness for the day. I also took a little trip down memory lane and explored the random bouts of restructuring that are going on in Hickville--very exciting.

INVITATIONS NOT TO ACCEPT

1. From a cannibal: "Please, come to dinner."
2. From anyone: "Let's go play in traffic."
3. From a cop: "Oh, come on, let me practice putting handcuffs on you."
4. From the winner of a hot dog eating contest: "Come on, buy me dinner." (Unless it's an all you can eat buffet)

As you may well remember, one of my more famous fellow hobbits was a keen recorder of information. Granted I have no great tales of trolls or one rings (troglodytes and lack of rings being more common to my world), yet I do find time to post here from time to time and, hopefully, bring you some relief from an otherwise average day to my readers. Work today found me doing a similar service to the library that houses me. The barcodes were beginning to spin like some trippy LSD influenced haze and the fiche just couldn't buy my love this morning, so I started rooting through the box under my desk.

This box contains the secrets of our employee association. Okay, so it has a whole bunch of papers and pictures that most people don't know exist and prolly wouldn't recognize anyway. My goal for the day was to identify some people in the pictures and carefully label them, so that they can be identified again at a later date. This led to some intriguing stories being shared with me. We librarians could write quite the exciting little book. For instance, this one lovely lady that works in the library is secretly a hobbit who is madly in love with a superhero (oblivious or in denial about this, of course) and thus aspires to become a crazy cat lady. Just imagine all the things she hasn't told you and never will, not that people really listen if it isn't juicy anyway.

I will soon be passing on the reins of the secretariat to a new inductee, so I guess I should leave them with less of a mess than I was faced with. After all, I am a firm believer in making things better if they need it. Of course, if it is not broken, I try not to break it by jumping up and down on it to force my ideas or thoughts into something or someone.

*shakes head* I am no one's whipping girl. And as the summer lags on and the emotional slut (whores get paid, dears) continues to try her best not to blow up in the hands of people who seem bent on controlling her, I wonder why I bother to slip out of my house. I could stay there all day with my fabric and my paper and my beads and various other wonderful things, breathing life into nothingness and making gifts of love.

Speaking of, I have quite a few treasures made by my own two hands and some things I want to get rid of to make room for, well, prolly more stuff. My world just feels cluttered. I need to make a list and toss it up here to give my faithful readers a chance to place bids before I try strangers. Of course, I would expect people to pay for such things up front and offer reasonable prices. I really am not an idiot. I just tend to take charity a bit far and other people tend to take advantage of that fact by going, "oh, but I want this. Please give it to me. I can't afford it. Besides, I'm your friend..." I don't intend to keep giving it away for free--that's too slow of a way to die. Friends should know better than that, anyway, but most days it seems I am the only one who holds my friends in high enough esteem to respect them. Is it my fault if they refuse to understand that or accept that it still means they have to share me?

Also along the lines of giving of myself, we had our first Hayride meeting of the season,. This means that creepy crawly thoughts have begun creepy crawling through my head. They brought along some gruesome friends to scare the small children in my head. They were absolutely petrified, like fossils. We'll have to explore that in a future interview. Sweet dreams.

So I have been having a rather typical weekend. I didn't make it to work yesterday due to some rumblings in my tummy. Someday, I will figure out why my tummy doesn't love me. I think it may have something to do with my diet, but I am too busy fighting crime to re-evaluate the food in my world and how my tummy doesn't want to process it. More likely, I will ignore it like I am sometimes ignored, but never by the criminals, as I am fighting crime.

I did try to scare it out of me though. I watched Alien vs. Predator and The Village this weekend and all of this without my cat as a chaperone. Tomorrow, however, will mark the beginning of the fourth year of this distinguished journal. So what should we do to celebrate? Feel free to post thoughts on the message board or e-mail me. Parties are a way of life after all. In fact, here comes a party now.

Paranoia is a terrible thing to waste. Some days I find myself overburdened by the feeling that perhaps everything I have ever done was wrong. Yes, even falling in love with my microfiche. Of course, the microfiche probably have more appreciation for my love--even if they never return my calls. I seem to be eternally making calls that aren't returned. I realize people are busy and all, but sometimes, I wonder if they just feel I am pushing too much. *shrug* Unless they tell me, I don't think they have much right to complain, even if they imply it.

Being a typical Monday, I trotted into work. Having arrived there, I remembered that I had not finished my photo extravaganza on Thursday, so I played with the pictures some more and finally gave in to my dark underside and finished up what I could. We also counted ballots, so I have been released from the committee of love and joy. This in no way clears up the amount of things that I will be throwing myself into. Work is full of fun projects and funky smells. Seriously, shortly before I let work, a horrid smell filtered into the office and assaulted our noses. I'm not absolutely certain, but I think I can now add getting high to the wondrous perks of my job.

I then came home to the excitement and joy of watching television and working on the variety pack of projects that I feel I must work on. Eventually, it will all run down. Eventually, I will run out of projects to distract me. Then my cats will have to give me something more to work on. I am sure they will be helpful. Nothing more to say or see right here right now.

Remember only that you were loved
For a brief second in eternity
Remember only that you were loved
And, for that, there is no regret in me

Remember only that my intent was pure
When I held you in my arms and whispered
Remember only that my intent was pure
When I turned away and slowly disappeared

Remember only the moments laughter reigned
Though I remember the tears, wiping them away
Remember only the moments laughter reigned
Though I fear I cut you with what I had to say

Remember only that my love returns to heal
Though it seems that your heart may break
Remember only that my love returns to heal
Even if I cling to it only for your sake

We always think we're alone. We are convinced no one could understand. In some cases we are correct, and in some we wish we were. Love is supposed to heal us, make us whole. It is not supposed to tear at us like this. Look around you. Go ahead. Take a long look. Do you see them--the ones who do not love themselves at all, the ones who dress up for someone else to see them and give them a reason to love themselves? Do you see them--the ones who chase anyone who moves, the ones who are most willing to love those they believe someone else loves? Do you hate them? You should not. You should pity them because they deny themselves any chance of finding true love.

I should not speak. I can not speak. Too much lies within me that I know would make the fools laugh and think they have seen into my soul. You can not reach my soul. It takes more love than we mortals could hope to feel to get to my soul. I do not need your salvation. I do not need false assurances of love because God told you to love me. I do not say that we should not love, but I seek a love unfeigned. I am tired. I am weary. I have battled long and hard to understand love.

I have made a million motions for love. I have appealed it to the highest courts. I have stood on my soap box and proclaimed my love. My words, my poetry, the screams of my heart as the knife goes in have had no effect. All around me they still think that love is money, power, a stirring in their loins. They believe they know who I love and how I love them. So many ways to love and every single one can kill me--slowly, softly, sweetly--but more of me is bled away each day for want of the return of that love. I know the ones who love me. You, darlings, I pity more than most. You shall feel it most harshly when a part of me dies, when I finally give up. On what?

Ah, some of your hearts are stirring because you want me to give it up, so I can give more of myself to you. *shakes head* It doesn't work like that. What I have given to someone else, I can not take back and give to you. That is part of the circle that keeps me locked forever in love with so many and so much that I can no longer bear to see. I do not wish to watch my loves be destroyed, nor do I wish to watch them destroy me by association, and yet it has always been hard for me to give up, even if it does not seem my love is helping (and perhaps is even hurting the situation). Don't rely on me. Rely on yourself. I am a simple woman with a monkey's job with the microfiche. Remember that.

I don't know what got me in such a funk. I probably forgot to ingest fifty million grams of sugar over the course of the last week. More likely, it is the fact that someone in the trailer park decided to thump some music at me last night. All I could hear was the bass of their music resounding through my room. Didn't help me fall asleep. I even turned on my radio to counterbalance it. It just made the oldies sound like remixes--quite disturbing if you think about it.

This morning, I got to play in the bushes with the rest of the random library staff. Think of that what you will, but it was muy exciting. Then we snuck back into the building where a private squeal symphony reigned in the office for a while. Then the day dragged on forever. I finally just left work early, so I could buy myself some cheese. Life without cheese is not really life after all. Then I spent some more time with the quilt I am working on and my famous cats. I know how to live life to the fullest. Good night.

I've been here before. I ran out of gas and my motivation ran dry. It's like the car stalled out and I am just waiting for the aliens with their big eyes and oddly-shaped heads to descend upon me and probe my brain (and hopefully nothing else). Until they do, the car just won't start. Any attempts to start it just lead to frustration on the part of the person turning the key.

Cast aside your indifference, your desires
Take up the cross, put out some fires
Pull someone close, hold them until the tears
Fade away, calm them softly, allay their fears

Cast aside your money, your power, your lust
Become something more, someone they can trust
Hold someone closer as darkness falls
Don't be the last to answer their calls

Cast aside society's dictates to hate
To despise, to devalue those whom fate
Has given less gifts, less value in your eyes
Let it all go, cast aside all of the lies

I shouldn't read, except ,of course, for dramatic readings of Dr. Seuss in the bookstore. I seem to find things that burn into me and make me wish I could change this terrible world we live in. Speaking of dramatic readings of Dr. Seuss. Hire me now to entertain you with this great skill. I can be bribed with expensive chocolate bars and/or small financial donations.

I didn't comment on that wonderful performance yesterday because I was just too wore out for absolutely no reason to type. I still seem to be plagued by the same problem. My body feels dead, but my mind is racing as always. I should have probably stayed home today, but who could resist the fiche? They are so thin and sexy after all.

The day was definitely full of those. It was also full of me whining because O do that kind of thing. Some people are like that. I am hoping to find my cheery personality growing under some baby bella mushrooms. Mmm....Bella. Sweet dreams.

I seem to be feeling better. I got lots of sleep on Friday and today. I also read a lot. I'm trying not to overexert myself. After all, we wouldn't want me to pass away before I am bled dry. It may be too late for that though. I feel so much seeping out of me right now. Before too long, I will just be an empty shell with a smile, a kind word, and a shoulder to lean on. That is all most people see any way. And heaven forbid I think, feel, breathe, love, or live. Don't worry, there are a million ways to die--some of which have a delayed reaction, I've died before. That is how Bella was born. May you learn to appreciate her before you lose her. May you learn to appreciate all of the people in your life before they fade away. I try to appreciate the ones in my life, but it seems that the harder I try, the deeper they drive the knife. Sad that they think they are keeping me from hurting by deceiving me. Oh, I should state, that is directed toward more people than will admit it. Seriously, schedules don't usually change mid-semester.

No more words. Nothing but riddles that mean nothing to anyone but me. No more words. Only images that mean nothing. Images of lions dancing under a waning sun, while a butterfly shimmers for a moment and then disappears into a candle flame--burned by hypocrisy and lies. My summer is over. It has been a long time and yet I spread my wings and try to fly.

I went to church today, of course. Church was excellent. Then I left the church building. The real world can be quite unsatisfying. I think I may have to cancel all dates and find my way back into MY cave. Which cave? Where? You wouldn't understand. Oh, and thank all of you who have insulted me. And thank you, hypocrites, who have shown me the error in my ways. Consider my heart, my confidence, and my will off limits (just in case).

Can we live without regrets
Can we live without this pain
That catches us in its nets
And sends tears forth like rain
Can we live without the anger
Can we live without the passion
Find our way out of this danger
Before we give in after a fashion
Can we live without these moments
Can we survive without the thought
That perhaps all our accomplishments
Were for the wrong battle fought

I don't want to wake up a withered old woman with regrets. I don't want to spend one more second wondering what could have been. I don't want to be tied to something that tears me apart and never puts me together again. I don't want to always feel so guilty for simply being human.

I am tired of the accusations. I am tired of forgiving so freely and then being attacked when I know that my "sin" was not as great as many that I forgave. I can do nothing for these people who seem to put such stock in my being there. I can do nothing for them because they do not want to see. I have been told how people love me and want to protect me. I must apologize for not believing it when they repeatedly do things that I have to question. Yet still I want to live a life without regrets. Thus, I suppose it is time to inform the world that, "Quite frankly, I don't care anymore."

Oh, I love my friends. I love my cats (big shock, right?). I love the hobbitmobile in all its faded glory. I love my laptop. I love my ladies. So these are the things I must learn to concentrate on. The rest of you can go drink it off or wallow in self-pity wherever you find it most convenient to do that. Don't yell at me. Don't lecture me. Don't expect me to be there at your whim. I have said it before: "I don't belong to any one of you." On to better things and happier entries.

I forgot to mention that I went to a baptism yesterday. My friend Sara's daughter got baptized, and somehow it didn't occur to me that I would see so many people that I know and love. You never realize how much you respect someone until they say just the right thing. Lucy, Karnsy, Sara, and Mindy were all guilty of that yesterday. Strange way of putting it? Yes, but I believe my friend Ronnie made a similar reference in his talk (it may have been his wife though--my head is still a little scrambled from being sick). If you were to be tried for being a good person, would there be enough evidence to convict you? It is an interesting thought, isn't it? In my case, I believe there would be, but to my shame there would also be enough to convict me of the opposite. I guess I'll just have to balance it out with more good. I have been failing at that lately, so the world may have to ignore me for a while.

Today was not rife with excitement. It was full of people sleeping in the library, fighting with the login system for the library computers, and, my ultimate favorite, talking on cell phones in the bathroom. I saw an advertisement for cell phones that proclaimed, "who says you can't talk in the library?" I would like to field that question. The answer is a sexy little hobbit who appreciates quiet as much as those dozens of people who seek to study. Yes, some of them already started studying. Those people are probably at Fall Fest right now, but I really haven't been much for people.

I made my appearance with the shiny, happy people. They always tend to cheer me up. Chocolate cake, popples, and random games always make for a good evening. Okay, I needed a ball for the game and the popple was all that I had handy. Everyone needs introduced to random crazes from the 80s to remind themselves how much fun it is to not have been subjected to neon colored socks (two pairs scrunched together), ruffled skirts, and really big hair on men and women. Now, I am slowly working my way toward bed. Mmm. Sleep, blessed bringer of peace until we dream.

White envelopes that's what I need
These fiche protesters they leave me alone
They don't need me, the net is their zone
Ain't got no need to be seen around
I never hit the floor and am never let down, you see

Chorus:
I want barcodes lots and lots of barcodes
I want to be a thin crust of pie
I want barcodes lots and lots of barcodes
So don't be asking me why

I wanna be fiche oh
I wanna be fiche
I wanna be fiche oh
I wanna be fiche

I want my cabinets wanna fill them too
One drawer holds more info than you
I sit around waiting for her to barcode me
My favorite barcode is 1 2 3, you see

Every way fiche
Slender bits of knowledge
I want all the things books and papers do
A record full of dreams come true
Everything you can not find
Is hidden on my printed side

That keeps you adoring all the fiche
Here is what you gonna do
Say oh I say uh uh
Got to be baby
I just wanna be fiche
I just wanna be, just wanna be
Cause baby
Chorus

Be fiche I wanna be fiche
I know what I mean baby
Everyday and every way
Read baby there is lots for everyone

Do you miss her now that she has faded
Slowly, twisted, shriveled, so jaded
That she can not be brought to inhabit me
Fill me up, dance, sing, bring this body
To the life you expect, soulless eyes alone
Peer back at you, flesh and bone
Stand where divinity was housed
Unmoved by love, by hate, by fear
Dare you shed one last lingering tear?

Just a few lyrics of the hour. It's been another unimpressionable day for me. I had some more fun with my infamous fiche. Not much else to report since I decided to take a three hour nap. I woke up just in time to realize I was missing an activity. That's right, I am a naughty little girl. Anyway, sweet dreams.

Just a random stray thought, of course. Most of my journal entries are. That is why it is amusing when people tell me how they are sure that it applies to them. I just happened to notice a girl as I sat here playing in my g-mail account. She had her arms folded as if she were uncomfortable. It may be the incredible chill that the library Eskimos enforce or it could have been her shirt. I have seen worse, but it was cut rather low and she did have her arms folded in such a way as to kind of hide the depth of the neckline.

I am sure there are other things that make people uncomfortable in their skin--usually how other people perceive them. This falls even more annoyingly on those who are in a state of flux, changing for whatever reason, especially when people refuse to accept that other people can change. I come face to face with that from time to time. I have changed quite a bit over the past few years. I don't intend to be held accountable for my past mistakes. I have squared away those dealings as best as I can and I will not be dragged or kicked down again. I offer those around me the same right dependent on proof that they have changed. Sadly, people say they will or have changed and don't. Ah, there is a story to tell about this, but I am low on space and have things to mock.

I have been industriously trying to color my diet. No, I am not coloring my food with a crayon and then eating it. That wouldn't be overly healthy and would probably taste funny. Okay, I admit it, I know that crayons taste funny. What child has not taste-tested glue, paste, and crayons? If you say you, then you missed out on some great childhood experiences. I am supposed to be eating more fruits and vegetables. I think it is having an effect on me. I love fruits and vegetables, but I haven't felt overly hungry lately. This makes squeezing extra servings in not so easy. Of course, there are always ways to be creative about.

For instance, fruit snacks count as a serving, right? They are fruit-flavored. What about Starburts (free advertising ensues) and Skittles? Then, of course, there are fruit pies and strawberry cheesecake and carrot cake. If your desperate does inhaling a fruit-scented air freshener while you chow on some beef count? These are the questions on every librarians mind. That and the one I mentioned before about cell phones. I got to do a dramatic reading of our cell phone policy in a meeting yesterday. Too bad it wasn't written by Dr. Seuss or I could have earned a candy bar. Mmmm, chocolate. Anyway, I have other lovelies to write, so keep playing and maybe you'll find the gold nugget of happiness.

So Ziggy and I periodically fight over my desk chair. She loves it for some reason. I have no idea why, but I do know that I constantly have to kick her scrawny butt out of my chair, so I can plump my cushioned one down and play with Niobie, my mistress. Anyway, the solution to this problem is quite simple and quite exciting. I think I need to buy one of those exercise balls. Granted they are huge and thus I will have to relocate the pile of fabric that resides in that corner, but I think it would be worth it.

My only question is whether or not my demon cats will pop the ball, causing trauma in the middle of the night. I can just imagine it exploding under an onslaught of claws and sending plastic pieces flying all over me as I jump from my bed. Then my roomie will probably come pounding on my door to make sure I didn't shoot something with a gun he doesn't know about. I think he knows about the suction dart guns though, so he may assume I made some modifications for personal amusement.

More on chairs to come--right now. Tonight I went to play with the shiny, happy people. We played "do you love your neighbor?" I am not really good at this game. People vacate chairs and I get confused about being competitive and stay in the middle. It was fun nonetheless. Then the more brave participants pushed pool balls around with their noses. I was not that brave. My nose has been fragile since the dissolution of the Church of the Holy Nose. Ah, the memories. That is a long story that is only amusing to people who were there, like me.

Then some friends and I got together to watch the latest episode of Stargate SG-1. Being the charmer I am, I got to sit between two of the guys. This led to a tickling fest of massive proportions. Then I came home to watch my cat clean himself and update this journal. More to come when the world comes back together as my eyes open to a brand new day.

This is where darkness becomes light and we find release from our troubles. This is where we know we can say anything and know our trust will not be betrayed. This is where we can turn when the whole world sinks below our view and we fear that, at last, we are completely alone. I admit I have many, many, many friends, but I believe I do not love any less than the other. Some of them I love differently. Some of them I spend much more time with. Some of them I only spend quality time with. Yet I still find that people exist who claim my friendship and have not earned it. Let's have another little survey:

1. Do you respect me? If so, do you show that to me?
2. Do you try to pressure me into things?
3. Do you accept the fact that we have different opinions and love me anyway (enough not to harp at me about them)?
4. Do you try to make me feel guilty when I don't do what you want?
5. Do you worry about me from time to time for no reason?
6. Do you know everything about me and feel free to share it with others (in order to protect me)?
7. Do you shower me with little tokens/words of affection without expecting to get something in return?
8. Do you envy the time I spend with other people?
9. Do you respect the other people I care about even if you can't see what I see in them?
10. Do you only show your friendship when it is most convenient for you?

Okay, here is the trick, the odd numbered questions should have been answered with "yes". The even questions should have been a "no". I come to find that I am too demanding of my friends. Of course, I also tend to be too loyal and caring to just give people pink slips. Though I could buy them pink slips to wear under their party dresses, but some of my friends do tend to be men (non-kilt-wearing men).

The high point of my day, was FHE as is the case with Monday evenings. We got to hang out and get to know a couple of new people. Some of my dearer friends even made guest appearances. (Thank you, Lesha and Laura.) I can always use the moral support from people who love me and respect me. We also had brownies made by your truly. Unfortunately, the mud wrestling was canceled so I have nothing scandalous to report. Sweet dreams.

Wishes have overcome all other speech. Desires overwrite every moment. Every thought quickly turns back to this need, this fire burning away all else. Stories have been told of a valley in the embrace of two hills in which wishes are granted. To this valley, you journey. Many days pass of strolling through fragrant fields and over green hills, but at last the right hills embrace and you find yourself in the valley.

You feel comforted. You turn and find your way back from the garden. The welcoming embrace of the hills has now cast you back into the world. You go and look for signs that your wish has been granted. Many weeks pass and it seems that there has been no change. Then you realize what the change is, for she granted the wish in your heart, not the wish on your lips.

So it was another fun Tuesday. Every time I went fiching, I bumped into someone I know. You seriously wouldn't believe how popular the library is with the most wonderful people in the world--my friends. I did rip through quite a bit of fiche today though, including some Library of Congress Subject Headings. I know that everyone will be running to look at those now that they know they are there.

I then came home where the hobbitmobile stalled on me as I was pulling in, so my little angel is now parked crookedly in the driveway. Trust me--it's muy bad. I then wandered into my room and apparently passed out. This brought great happiness to my cat until I awoke with a start to my roommate calling my friend by his brother's name and inviting him in. The next thing I know he is peeking in my room, going, "oh" as he realizes I am half asleep and likely to throw books at people and backs off taking my friend with him.

I then did my whirlwind tour, locating everything I need for a successful Council meeting. I am not going to rehash the meeting or the class. You people should come to these to get your own fun instead of reading my journal. Then we went to the peanut chucking place where I bid a sad farewell to my googliebear and learned more than I needed to know about some of my friends (like their driving habits--I have enough trouble with my own). And now I have written about basically nothing in my fascinating way, so you are released into dreamland.