The snow is back again. It is painting a lovely scene in shades of white and cold. The weather is affecting more than just the satellite reception. My bones seem to have taken on icicles. I may even be an icicle. I will have to confer with someone on that, but I can't think of anyone who has any right to be that close to me besides the cats, and they know how to keep secrets.

For instance, they are still not telling me what I get for Christmas. I sincerely hope it is some extra sleep. I adore sleep, but I can't seem to sink into it. It's odd how that works. It is probably related to malfunctioning claw clocks. You know how annoying they can be. If they weren't so adorable, I might smack them around a bit. Now to chase those intangible dreams.

The lovely library lady of lava that you see above is officially married on facebook. All the facebook boys are saddened because now two of the most lovely available girls are unavailable.

To begin with, I now realize that two people I know have a birthday today. I am not sure either of them reads this site, but RedBeard and Bob, have wonderful birthdays. I hope the dread pirate RedBeard doesn't pillage any of the neighboring coasts. I am not sure that NoBeard and his siblings need that kind of an example. If they do, I am considering taking up pillaging myself just because it seems like the best way to avoid conflict--hurt people and not care.

Anyway, after waking up with rather stiff shoulders, a headache, and a sudden desire to relive Halloween, I went to the dentist. I am still not afraid of the dentist, so I will never understand that movie's scary appeal. Anyway, nothing real exciting there.

The real excitement is when a hobbit hops in the world's tiniest sexy car. Okay, I may be biased. I did see a car tinier than mine today, but that has nothing to do with yesterday. Anyone who has been reading this journal over the past three or four years knows that my Sunday is not a Sunday without starting it off with three hours of church. I know this sound extreme, but if you do the math it is only about 2 percent of the week. Wow, to get a tithe of your time, you'd have to spend about 17 hours a week at church. Hmmm. I wonder if I do that *does math in head*. Well, on the average week, I am about halfway there with church activities alone. Yes, there are that many opportunities to be a zealot.

From church, I traveled to visit my mother. Yhat's right, I ventured across the Brandybuck River to visit some obscur hobbit shire. We played with her cat and ate too much pizza. Then we compared field notes and decided we both enjoy spending time with the baby *wink*.

From there, I made my way to another three hours of church. I guess I shouldn't bill it as that. It was an evening of Christmas carols, mutual appreciation, sugar, and reminders of the season. The evening kicked off with a prayer, of course, but it really began for me when my wife, daughter-in-law, and friend sang "Carol of of the Bells" as a trio. Then we shared some snacks, and expressed our appreciation for the many sacrifices our church leaders make. Anyway, I could go on for hours, but you have to find your own reasons to enjoy the season.

Let me see. I spent most of the week at work. It was highlighted by random trips to church and class for the concluding week of the semester (for me anyway). The rest of the university world is preparing for a mythical creature called finals that sucks out their brains and leaves them feeling empty and cold until they get their final grades.

I have no idea why one line of a certain Aerosmith song keeps repeating in my brain. I can't remember actually listening to Aerosmith recently. We all know that every radio station is trying to outdo each other with Christmas cheer or anti-Christmas sentiment. It depends on the station and how into Jingle Bells they are, I think.

I keep finding myself questioning the world around me. I suppose it acceptable considering how often my very essence has been questioned over the years. I find it fascinating how people that I tell I can not do what they volunteered me for hold me to their promise, while people I do agree to do something for decide my word is not good enough. I am nothing if not disturbingly reliable. Granted, I napped through FHE last night, but it was a Sunday and I was up by 6:30, so technically, I can justify it. I did actually show up, but most people had wandered off to a random good-bye party. People always seem to be coming at going in my fabulous world.

Another disappointment came when I realized I was not going to get my Chinese food for lunch. The tuna salad wrap and fries that I settled for were not nearly as satisfying. I have finished most of my Christmas cards though, so I can devote myself to finishing the creation and wrapping of other random presents. Wish me luck.

And just so she knows I think of her fondly: Happy Birthday, Shannon!

Trust me, darling, they don't. You have to listen to actually hear. In this world we pride ourselves on listening without actually hearing. That is why you can read three different criticisms of a book and get three conflicting stories about what the author intended. And if you ask the author... I am reminded of a random 80s movie in which Rodney Dangerfield paid Kurt Vonnegut to write his English essay about, that's right, Kurt Vonnegut. You know what his teacher said? "Whoever wrote your essay for you didn't know the first thing about Kurt Vonnegut."

I can only imagine how people interpret me. Oh wait, I get a pretty good idea how they interpret me. *shakes head* But I have addressed that before. What I really need to address is the frigid cold. I don't like it. Can I sell it to someone else? Please? Short of that, I need some good cuddling and an absence of wandering in my brain. Luckily, while he wanders through my brain, my cat also enjoys cuddling. I find that he is actually so good at cuddling that I actually don't move. This is not very comfortable for whichever shoulder I am sleeping on. Yes, napping is my number one topic of expertise today. Not much else to comment on. Not anything anyone bothered listening to, anyway, but that is another story.

Blood-red raspberry kisses trickling along my lips
I blink and the moment quickly slips
Into an obscurity that even I can't unveil
What is in this midnight dreamer's tale?

Are there shadows past the doorway, eyes beyond my soul
Has my attempt to stem the madness finally taken its toll
Do I really exist in that sad world beyond my dreams
Is that why they don't see me, don't hear my screams?

I do nothing for them, fear to be more sinner than saint
And the loss of my raspberry blood sadly makes me faint
But the fact that none question or see beyond their eyes
Makes me wonder if I already was consumed by lies

I weep that I can't heal them, can not make them whole
But my own incompleteness rarely makes my tears roll
Down my rouged cheeks where the cold wind swept by
And when they ask "Who was that?", my voice echoes "Not I."

My friends tell me things. They tell me the good, the bad, the silly, the painful, the humorous, and those things that make me wonder for a moment how I should feel. I listen, I ponder, I sort, and I hope that I am asking the right questions, saying the right things. One can never be sure after all.

I spent most of the day happily ensconced amid my fiche. They go on and on and on, but they never seem to be tired of visiting me. Someday I am going to have a journal entry that says I finished the fiche and all of my readers will be awestruck. In the meantime, they will have to continue to hear the annals of a girl who enjoys her job too much. Anyway, a night of pizza, Christmas truths, and free cookies can wear a girl out, so it is time again for me to close an entry and my eyes.

Some things on this planet just scream of conspiracy to make one so soft-hearted that they don't notice that the perfect world they saw through a child's eyes have been jaded. I appreciate the efforts though. If someone is making an effort, it still means there is hope for us.

Another thing that, not-so-surprisingly, makes my heart melt is my wife. We went out with my sister-in-law/daughter-in-law and rather sexy male friend to see Narnia last night. Any one who has not heard of my admiration for Narnia can now consider themselves informed. And it is not because of it's striking resemblance to the another story that is on many minds during this season. One can not expect not to have such great themes as love and loyalty to one's promises slip into a story worth reading again and again. I actually bought my own copy of the chronicles of Narnia some years ago despite having read it before. That alone should speak of what a marvelous book it is.

So my wife and I divided up the male characters among ourselves. She is my wife, and thus she is a bit of a diva. We figured the men would be nothing short of honored to join our harem. All the men out there know that this assumption is not a bad one to have. Yes, I am still accepting applications and donations to my ongoing happiness fund. (Feel free to contribute money to my paypal account at any time of the year.

Now, I must comment on holiday parties. First, I believe that every vegetarian holiday party should have a hippopotamus (I am talking about a real one--preferably pink or seasonal). If you can't figure out what that has to do with anything, you need to review your song lyrics and sing them more loudly and proudly. Every year, I attend our library Christmas party. It combines the joys of unique librarians, vegetarian food, random gift certificates, and water. I appreciate water, but I am sure that in the new year, I will tell you all about that *wink*. This years party featured the joys of musical chairs that let me talk to a tall gentleman who is a games aficionado, a dread-locked geek (keep in mind that geek is a compliment in my realm), and a variety of other fascinating people. This is because my table was apparently the popular table and everyone wanted to sit there. I did not win a gift certificate this year, following with my assertion that I only win if my name will be mispronounced.

Today's party was a little more intimate with just the department attending. I brought my now famous home-made candies (laced with chocolate and affection) and was rewarded with pumpkin roll (without having to date a girl), delicious rolls, excellent vegetarian lasagna, sandwiches, decadent salads, and spiced fruit. No one is really interested in what we ate though. I know that the real story is the gifts received. I received salsa and a bowl and a Yoda magic eight ball. That's right, I won't have to keep trying to steal them from other Star Wars fans. The big gift though was received by me.

My secret Santa gift proved to be very popular. She got passed around the room a couple of times so everyone could appreciate her. That's right, someone bought me a woman. Okay, okay, so it was really a cat. But this is no ordinary or living cat. This is a massage kitty. I trust you all to come up with your own jokes on the subject. My real kitty doesn't seem too jealous though he didn't seem to want a massage. Perhaps, he knows I spent a good hour laughing hysterically about my new prize as my co-workers made comments such as, "I don't want to know" and "Wow, she's red." There were also some people who were convinced it was a sheep which would have resulted in just as much laughter but less memories of my darling Boston marriage wife, Aravan. Ah, the stories I could tell, but I'll start laughing and never bring this entry to a close as gibberish fills the page.

Not much of the holiday season has touched me besides pounds of chocolate and the biting cold. The cold, of course, makes the hobbitmobile not want to bring herself to life in the morning. Her and I had quite the discussion this morning, and I posit that it was the hot air being released from my weary lungs that finally warmed her up. I am sure that everyone at work was thrilled to have me back (mainly because they left me so many presents in my absence).

The cold came to haunt me again later as I wandered down the hallway. As they prepare the coffee shop to cater to those who enjoy such beverages, the workmen have taken to leaving the door wide open. I fear their attempts to warm up the outside are failing, but the hallway felt a lot like a meat locker. I fully expected to find beef hanging from hooks and a dark-haired Italian tenderizing them to help train for some great event.

Among the gifts that I received was a cart full of books. After working my way through them, I got the happy news that we may even get the honor of shelving these books ourselves. I adore the fun that happens when break comes and less students are around. Of course, we all know this means I am going to be checking out more books and bringing them home with me. As if I didn't have a large enough pile of books awaiting me (and, of course, we are not just talking about books to be read).

Then I had to spend a little more time doing what hobbits do best--spreading the joy of the season. I visited hobbits and lovely ladies and bestowed upon them love wrapped in chocolate. Most love is happily wrapped in chocolate or fur. Yes, the cats have come to cuddle and warm me up. I guess that means I should log off. Have a good one.

It's crunch time on the gift-giving circuit. The baldest Santa on the block is still packing bags and checking his list. Yes, sweet potatoes, he is still making sure he finds the best presents for all the nice little girls. I am sure he will give me all sorts of wonderful presents since I snuck some books into their proper place today. Sadly, not much else is going on in my world at the moment.

The weather seems like spring when it leaps from the teens to the fifties. This inspired me to walk around the neighborhood a couple of times. I even checked my mail. I know that my days are beyond exciting. Control yourself while you read this. I don't want all of my readers to need blood pressure medicine. The other excitement of my day has been watching the variety of randomness that I recorded to keep me from being too purposeful over the break. We'll see how well I succeed at that.

You have to love, you know? You have to love what you do, who you are, the people and animals that fill your world. You have to love your faith, follow your truths, and make the right choices for the right reasons. And here I sit on my couch, facing the end of another year and my addiction to dance movies. You know the storyline for these movies. They involve someone just knowing they were meant to dance and the struggle they go through to finally be accepted as a dancer. Life in the movies can be so simple.

I've spent most of the day cleaning a bit and entertaining the cats. Lil' Guy loves to play with hobbits. I think he really just wants to gnaw on me. This is probably a response to all my comments on Chinese kitten. Some day, my house will be clean and my cats won't torture me. Until then, I will continue to giggle behind Lil' Guy's back and smack Rodney for waking me up way too early in the morning.

I also had a random visit from a friend who gave me a picture (in uniform), so I can make all the other people in my world jealous. I also got a bag of sour jelly beans. This is to counteract my abundant sweetness I am sure.

And, no, darling, I didn't forget, Happy Birthday to my number 1 Laura!

I suppose I should do a present listing for those keeping score. I'll start with a few of the most important things and then it will all turn into a mishmash of randomly occurring giftie thoughts, so don't feel unappreciated because I didn't list your gift at the top.

A HOBBIT'S LIST OF CHRISTMAS TREASURES 2005

1. Love
2. Free will
3. Memories
4. Sour jelly beans
5. A picture of a friend in uniform
6. Money
7. Fleece blanket
8. Chocolate
8. Socks
9. Cookie sheets (which brings many superhero hearts to their knees)
10. Cards
11. Fruit
12. Cookies
13. Cat-shaped massager (a.k.a. Ziggy's new best friend)
14. Yoda Magic 8 Ball
15. Yoda Battle Buddy
16. Book of cat pictures (none as sexy as mine)
17. Pink butterfly necklace
18. Phone calls
19. Singing
20. Pictures of family members
21. Food
22. Angel ornaments
23. Wind chime (it's really cool, but I want to change one thing on it)
24. Book to inspire me to reach new heights (at least that is what I assume it is for)
25. Gloves
26. Salsa
27. Salsa bowl
28. Chastisement (hey, it was from my brother and he was having a rough day)
29. Lotion (score...I am slowly running low on lotion *stops to put some on*)
30. Cookie cutter
31. Holiday dish towel
32. Cookie incense
33. Blondie mix (now which blond should it remind me of?)
34. Oven mitt
35. Hugs...lots and lots of hugs
36. Smiles and giggles
37. Love nibbles (Ziggy is kind of poor and sadistic)
38. Cuddles (Rodney knows what I like ;))
39. A cocoa mug 40. Lots of cocoa (minty goodness)

Now picture me wandering around with a large, red velvet bag full of these darling treats. That should have you rolling around in the floor laughing. When you're done with that, you can buff the floor in another room. I will just have to fins something else for you to laugh about.

Sadly, my day hasn't been that full of excitement. I went to work for the first time in six days. As you can imagine, that made the world start spinning again. Well, the world of the magical microfiche. Every day brings me closer and closer to the day when I can say, "I conquered fiche". The fiche are strong, numerous, and persnickety, however, so it may be many years of days before I am able to bend them to my will. In the meantime, I wish I had something more exciting to talk about, but I haven't enrolled in clown college yet, so we will have to wait out these dry spells of mirth and excitement.

If I were playing Monopoly, I would be very suspicious of whoever owned Water Works even if it was me. It seems that the local utilities do not encourage people to have a safe driving record before they give them the keys to the company car. One of them tried to dart out in front of me today. He had a stop sign, and while a hobbitmobile is small and easy to miss, especially in the gloom and the rain, I was practicing safety and had my headlights on. I was also not speeding for a change, so it is not like I whipped around a corner out of nowhere. He still felt compelled to tailgate me when I was speeding a little bit to try and keep a nice following distance between us. Luckily, I managed to escape the experience with no dents and bruises, but I am still leery of utility companies, so be wary when next we meet on the Monopoly board.

I was also counseled to visit both Disneyland and Disney World today. I decided it was not a good idea to tell the higher ups that I can't afford an ice cream cone at Disney World, let alone a vacation there. Somehow I find job satisfaction in a rather thankless job. People have no idea what I do and frequently look at me like my life is without purpose since they can't figure out how my job helps them. Seriously, I can not imagine being that clueless, but, baby, the view from here looks so nice.

[ YEAR 2005 IN REVIEW ]

LOVE/SEX
(X) stayed single
(_) got your first kiss
(_) kissed someone new
(_) made out for the first time
(_) made out in a car
(_) kissed in the snow
(_) kissed in the rain
(X) fell in love
(_) fell in love with a fool
(_) had your heart broken
(_) broke someone else's heart
(X) had a stalker
(X) had a good relationship with someone
(_) questioned your sexual orientation
(_) came out of the closet (if ur gay)
(_) gotten pregnant
(_) gotten someone else pregnant
(_) had an abortion
(X) gotten married *giggles*
(_) had a divorce
(_) had a gay marriage
(_) kissed someone of the same sex
(_) dated someone new
(_) dated someone you'll never forget
(X) done something you've regretted
(_) lost your true love
(_) lost faith in love
(_) kissed under mistletoe

WORK/SCHOOL
(_) got a promotion
(X) got a pay raise
(_) changed jobs
(_) lost your job
(_) quit your job
(_) dated a co-worker
(_) dated your boss
(_) dated your boss' daughter/son
(_) got fired from your job
(_) got straight A's
(_) met one teacher you really like
(_) met one teacher you really hated
(_) found the subject you love
(_) failed a class
(_) cut class
(_) skipped school
(_) got into a fight with a classmate
(_) did something you were proud of
(_) discovered a new talent
(_) gave the teachers a reason to teach
(X) proved yourself an idiot
(_) embarrassed yourself in front of the class
(_) fell in love with a teacher
(_) got lead in the school play
(_) made a varsity team
(_) were involved in something you'll never forget

OTHER
(_) painted a picture
(X) wrote a BAD poem
(_) ran a mile
(X) listened to music you couldn't stand
(X) double-dipped
(_) skinny-dipped
(_) went to a sleepover
(_) went to camp
(_) threw a surprise party
(X) laughed till you cried
(_) laughed till you peed in your pants
(X) flirted shamelessly
(_) visited a foreign country
(X) visited another state
(X) cooked a disastrous meal
(X) lost something important to you
(X) got a gift you adore
(X) realized something new about yourself
(_) went on a diet
(_) tried to gain weight
(_) dyed your hair
(_) came close to losing your life
(_) went to a wild party
(_) drank alcohol
(_) drank alcohol underage
(_) did (a) drug(s)
(_) got drunk
(_) got arrested
(X) read a great book
(X) saw a great movie
(_) saw a movie so scary that it made you cry
(_) saw your favorite band/artist live
(_) saw someone famous in person
(_) did something you want to tell everyone

Looking at my resolutions for this year, I feel I haven't quite hit any of them. I guess they will have to carry over into the new year along with my vacation time. Yesterday, I reached the astonishing conclusion that I am nearing the point when I will start losing that time. This could mean taking days off to work on those piles of stuff that darken the corners of my world. (We all know I can't afford a real vacation, and, NO!!!!, I do not want to take a day off just to amuse someone else or be dragged around by them. I find that rather annoying and the thought rather insulting.)

All in all, though, 2005 has been a vaguely intriguing year for reasons that will go unmentioned here. The hobbit hermit keeps most things to herself. It tends to be easier that way. Every one gets to tell their problems or cast off their troubles, and I don't get to hear as many completely untrue or extremely skewed things about me. Not as many, anyway. Some people still think they know what is going on in my world well enough to answer for me. Anyway, I do have festivities to attend this New Years Eve, so I shall see you lovely children in the new year, hopefully, with more wit and wisdom than annoyance and repetition of the obvious that everyone keeps missing. Should old acquaintance be forgot...