It is now October. This means my world is about to be fabulously disrupted by the joy that is the Hayride. Keep in mind that you will have twice as much fun if you prepare yourself to make two appearances: one to the Haunted Hayride (the second and third weekends) and then the Spooktacular Haunted House (the last two weekends). If you can't figure out what that means, try reading the website. If that fails, I am not sure there is much help for you. Since I have little else to contribute, I shall just call this an entry and trundle off.

Well, my treasure is next to me on the couch. He is staring at the floor despondently. I fear he is depressed that he didn't get to go to Monday Mormon Moments with me. He heard rumors of cookies baked by hobbits, singing, and running amok on campus. Maybe next time, I will let him join the fun. I suppose I should congratulate Laura, Dave, and Micah for their astonishing win. It takes a brave woman to show me her socks.

Aside from my random desires to sleep, not much else is new in my world. Someday, perhaps, the time bomb will go off, but in the meantime, look forward to more random commentary on cats, church, and chocolate.

Despite my particular affection for leather pants and eating beef, I must point out that I do have a fondness for cows as cows. I love that mindless stare they give while chewing their cud, their spots, and the fact that thus far none have stepped on my toes. Yes, I did have contact with cows as a child. It was my mother who had trouble with the "funny-looking horses" when she first came to this lovely state. For those seeking to assure themselves that they have a soap opera life, I assure you that you have nothing on the mother of the Healer of Hearts and Goddess of Love. Let's just say a lot of things seem hereditary that aren't. We all see exactly what we want to see most of the time anyway. (I wish I had that privilege. Life likes to stare right into my face and set my heart to quivering with pain before anyone else realizes the truth, even when I follow the trend of charging forth blindly believing lies.)

So the pile of ironic barcodes (ironic because they are referred to as "smart" barcodes and are really just a big waste of my life) on my desk keeps getting smaller. This is what brings joy to my work. Someday, I will have touched every fiche at least a dozen times and my work with them will finally be done. Of course, I got some books today to thwart me defeating the barcodes, but it will happen.

I did get to make a boy cry today. Okay, maybe he just had his head in his hands, but I think he was traumatized. Didn't make me as happy as one would think. I am sure he has recovered by now, but you never know. He may still be hiding behind his hands.

Then a group of us went out for some bread-eating fun. I may need to get some therapy for this bread addiction. With luck, I will turn into a huge, yummy loaf of pumpernickel bread. Then I can devour myself slice by slice with butter. That's an odd image. Try not to picture it and get back to work ;)

I seem to be getting randomly disturbing bits of information today. I came across the news that Donald Trump sings with Regis Philbin on an upcoming Christmas album. I am so enthralled that I am not going to run out and buy that one. Then I somehow found out about Gerard Depardieu head-butting a photographer. I always thought he was a little bull-like (and so in need of applause), but I didn't imagine he mistook cameras for red capes. This led to an article about how he is very talented at wrecking motorcycles and thus needing to have the bones reset. The best part of that article was that the word "bones" linked to a site to buy doggie treats. Kind of makes one wonder, doesn't it?

Aside from that, I was just bombarded with more book joy. I know, I say it over and over again, but it's okay because no one is really listening anyway. *smiles wryly* You ever find yourself subconsciously testing out theories and finding that you were right from the start? I do. I am not sure if it is the would-be scientist in me or the philosopher with her dark, smoldering eyes, half-joking riddles, and too-quick mind. And despite being right, again and again and again into the sideways eight, I still let people try to play me. Jerk my strings and watch the marionette dance because she somehow cares if she hurts you (even when it is only you who hurts yourself or even her with your misplaced daggers). I've said it before, I don't want to play this game.

A friend reminded me today that we should be in the world but not of the world. I believe that. If you really knew me at all, you would have noticed it a long time ago. I am the only person I know who cares if what they say is consistent. I worry about misleading people. I worry about playing people like pawns and uses them like tissues (blow your nose, blot your eyes, toss them in the trash). I worry about not saying the right thing. I find it endearing to see someone grab his girlfriend who is about to jump into the street in front of me without looking, despite the fact that I have already slammed on the brake. I like when someone trips over a bush they didn't see because they were actually paying attention to me. I like the shy half glances that humble people give when they are trying to figure me out. I like that smile I can only see when someone tells me honestly how they feel with no pride, no deception, no sanctimony. But what do I love? I know you don't know. I just wish you would accept that.

"Welcome to the Cling-n-Burger where those burgers always stick by you. How may I help you?"

That's been burning its way to my fingers since I saw a last name I would pronounce that way this morning. I love names. I wish I had more of them. I shall have to go make a few more for myself.

So the day dawned, slushy and moist. I had an inkling that my plans for the day had been completely washed away by the rain, but I held onto hope that things would dry up. I dressed up all pretty and made my way to work, which we all know is where life really takes place.

I got to help interview another candidate for the open position. It's a bit of an undertaking to realize you have other people's lives in your hands. Of course, one way or another, you always have other people's lives in your hands. It's your own life that you have no control over--kind of like those dreams that wake you up and leave you feeling more lost than when you went to bed.

I got to resume my role as human cat carrier this afternoon. Poor Lil' Guy had to go to the vet to get Advantage. I blame this all on a new karate technique called the flea jump that one of my roomie's sparring partners practices. It is a pretty fearsome move, known for making grown men weep like women before finally passing out from distress. Then we revive them with smelling salts and make them do a few forward rolls to make sure that all is well.

Anyway, Lil Guy is not particularly fond of car trips. He screams miserably. His eyes get bigger than his head. His claws seek out those nerve-filled fleshy parts. Luckily, he forgives rather easily. He was back to normal well before I had finished making signs of the times.

It's amazing how popular I become when I am not available, actually. When I am alone and wanting something to amuse me, no one calls. Even people who I leave messages for don't return my calls. The second I am too busy to stop to chat or take the paint brush out of my mouth, they can not get enough. I had four friends want to have dinner tonight. Three people called after I should have already been gone. Then again, I should have been gone ages ago, and a Monkees song reverberates through my head.

I am a few steps away from reaching the 10,000 mark on my pedometer for the second time this pedometer season. I know the whole world is excited by that information. A whole gaggle of enthusiasts will bbbbbbbbbbbbbe out buying pedometers and comparing their steps to mine. It doesn't matter if you take more steps than me though. I don't need to compete with anyone. I already have what I want, and you can't take it from me. But what is it? *whispers to her pincushion* Sorry, the pincushion says I can't tell you.

To add to the scariness that is this season, I took my roomie's truck for a spin today. A hobbit driving a Toyota Tacoma--only picture such an image if you are not weak of heart. Needless to say, my roomie was probably the most scared by all of this. He was afraid I was going to roll his truck down the hill like little kids rolling in the grass on a warm spring day. I was tempted, of course, but I kept myself in check while reminding myself that this was not the hobbitmobile and applying too much (or any) pressure to the gas pedal would result in massive amounts of speed. The hobbitmobile is more of a teleportation device, I hop in and will it to go from point A to point B.

We did have our final interview today. Eventually, a new person will be joining our department and joining me in the SPU. They are indeed lucky because th SPU gets all the great projects that no one else is cool enough to take on. I will keep telling myself that. It is the one thing I can consistently lie to myself about.

Other fun for the day involved paper and glue, needle and thread, and a plot to take over the world, one" boo" and "eek" combination at a time. In the meantime, I will take over the world one toothbrush at a time. Don't ponder that, just get some sleep.

Sometimes a song can come on that combines with recent events to bring to mind something you wished to forget. Sometimes a song can express every thing you wanted to say from anger to sympathy. That is perhaps why movies rely so strongly on music to build a theme. My life today is set to some slow-moving piano music that I can not name. Words fail to express what is waltzing through my mind far too often.

We did discuss the power of one-liners at Institute this evening. I would recap, but you should have just dropped in and joined us. I do, however, need someplace to dump some year old quotes though, so here goes:

Nothing says love like Irish dancing cows. ~card to Miss Kewl

I am extraordinary, if you'd ever get to know me
I am extraordinary, I am just your ordinary
Average, every day, sane, psycho
Supergoddess ~Liz Phair, Extraordinary

Yay for asbestos. ~Miss Kewl on the cancellation of a friend's class due to cleanup

If love is a talent, God has been far too generous with his blessings. ~Bella in deference to herself

We don't do pig latin here, we do cow Latin ~a co-worker talking to an interviewee about our department

Now professor Baabaa Hotstuff will have to correct my grammar. ~Bella on a typo

He was killed by a cellular phone explosion. ~Fountains of Wayne, Mexican Wine

Because you're my friend
friend
friend. ~friend's response to "Why do you care?"

Leona was doing the hippie hippie shake. ~Jon on Leona's attempt to get Dan's attention during a game

I'm sorry. I put cologne on. ~Nathan in deference to Risk trash talk of "You smell like feet!"

I was hanging out with Boys' Club last night. I think I'm a bad influence on them. ~Bella on playing Risk with the boys

Though men always disappoint me, sheep never do. ~Bella on pictures of cute Serta sheep

Cage queen sounds like one of those S and M things. ~Melissa (student worker) on being called the queen of the cage

The Cold War is over: Germany and Japan have won. ~Senator Paul Tsongas, 1992

Je ne trempe pas ma plume dans un encrier mais dans la vie. ~Blaise Cendrars

I'm in love and always will be. ~Dido, White Flag

I sucked his ears off. ~Bella on a chocolate bunny sucker

I want to be a phone, so people will feel obligated to answer me. ~Bella after listening to a phone ring for ten minutes

Just call me the Mad Hatter because he's driving me nuts. ~Bella on boys

I can't be a bad influence on the boys if I can't play Risk. ~Bella in withdrawal

If you're naturally kind, you attract a lot of people you don't like. ~William Feather

I'll share my odors with you. ~Bella offering to let someone sniff Munchies to see if they were what they smelled

I'm only friendly to cute people. Sorry. ~Stephanie (the student)

I think, therefore I am alone in the universe. ~Verne, Over the Hedge

Viva this joyous misery! This sun-drenched love and this bohemian carefreeness! ~Theophile Goutier, Voyage en Espagne

There's nothing sexier than a cataloger--except, perhaps--two catalogers. ~Bella

I'm going to be a happy idiot and struggle for the legal tender. ~Jackson Brown

It's bare. Bare. ~Jamie on I dunno what

That's what happens when Brother Waldron gets bored with a Sharpie. ~Bella on the Pride Cycle on the Waldron family dryer

Everyone needs a good tissue. ~Bella on Ziggy

The day hasn't really started until I get a little bunny. ~Bella in deference to the bunny in the Counting Crows video

All of my filth is in alphabetical order. ~Chris Knight (Val Kilmer), Real Genius

I'm madly in love with a polygamy major with bad hair and a nose problem. ~Bella

Jodphurs...$40. Lessons per two months...$534. being able to chase down the men in my life who piss me off with a riding crop and yelling "saddle up, boys"...priceless. ~Miss Kewl

I'd add another if I weren't so tired from peanut chucking and playing footsies with girls. Ever notice how there never seems to be enough room under the table at restaurants?

Standing here, all alone, I feel them push in
Hoping to take my smile, accuse me of a sin
Greater than breaking my own heart, standing here
They can't see that a single, graceless tear
Has welled up and slipped along my cheek
Bringing the pain that I can not speak
For I fear I can not love nor remember when
I truly had a heart, truly had a friend
To wipe away these hurts, to dispel these tears
To actually listen to what no one hears
And they come back, saying this is for me
When it is not my smile they wish to see

We're a world full of selfish imbeciles. We walk lightly until we think someone else has what we want and then we must crush them, burden them, or make them our whores. We want everything. We want to be loved by everyone. We want adoration, accolades, fame beyond words. We claim we want the simple things, but toss them aside and then cry when they don't come crawling back to us.

I live in a world that I do not belong to. It is as it should be, but sometimes I want to reach out and change that world anyway. I want to take their cell phones and snap them closed. I want to take their keys and tell them to walk with me for a while. I want to unplug their world and make them see the one in which they build it. I know though that they will not see. Even those who think they do know have no idea, just like the people who keep reminding me that they "understand", that they "know" (not, of themselves, but because they misread it or misheard it somewhere, maybe, here), that they "have felt worse". I'd invite you to bleed with me, but my blood tank is pushing empty and I will not bleed for you anymore. I am no Savior. I can love, quite simply, but asking for more than I can give is foolish and trying to force it from me is more so.

I don't know what brings me crashing back into that reality. I have no idea what saps away my humor on the subject of life and pours out these rants. I have theories, but no one cares. Yes, I proved that one a couple of times today. Perhaps, I am overly dramatic and thus no one feels compelled to hear me. Perhaps, they just assume like they always assume that they can ignore me and if it turns out I am right, I will just fix it like I always do. But what if I weren't here to fix it? What if Bella faded out?

Luckily, cake is addictive and I am a glutton, so there is no chance of that. I found an intriguing recipe for an apple cake that made me feel all happy and giddy for about 30 seconds. That would be the duration of time it took for me to wolf down the aforementioned cake. Ah, the bliss of sugar running along my tongue. That would sum up my evening aside from trying to do some laundry and having to chastise my cat for random disobedience above and beyond the call of duty. Speaking of, I need to wander off before he walks across my foot with his claws out again. Hasta luego.

*blink blink blink*

You've come again to my hobbit hole,
Perhaps, to hear me blithely extol
Falling leaves, strobe lights that gleam
Other men wither before hobbit's dream
And wish they were riding a sleigh tonight
Instead of a Hayride so littered with fright
That the children are screaming, women weep
And some try so hard their bladder to keep
Under control while ghouls and goblins echo
The long-dead whispers of languages none know
But the horror goes on, the wagon slithers
Along such a path, your very heart withers
Drained of it's blood, much like your face
But you can not regret that you found this place

Ah, I feel so inspired, so full of life. I keep hearing the good news that the Hayride will happen tomorrow. You must all be there for Saturday brings rain and the game. If it were tomorrow that were the 13th and not today, it would be absolutely perfect. With me to entertain you, however, it is more than close enough, and it supports a good cause. Bring a friend. Bring a loved one you want to scare the pants off of. Bring yourself.

Aren't I the cutest little advertiser? I spent the morning wrestling more names into submission. Most of them quickly gave into my high charisma, but a few thwarted me and are still roaming the world without authority. No stars for them. Ah, I amuse me so much. If only I could drop some of the links on my subnet.

I did get to go to lunch with some friends though. I found myself amazed again at how the nice people are the ones we forget. It's the bullies and the selfish, self-centered people who linger in our minds. And in this modern age that is also what we esteem despite what we say. I was recently witness to someone trying to buy popularity by extolling the things that they claim they do not honor. Even my speech was stilled. How could I speak in response to that? I did not want to say, "That's not appropriate" because I knew I would quickly be forced from the group, but my heart quaked within me to think no one else spoke up. One of my other friends even looked embarrassed that they held no such stories to share.

Ah, the stories I could share. I fear that the world tires of those cute stories of how my cat awakened me. I think they no longer wish to hear how I tied my shoes, stamped some fiche, danced with the moon, and didn't do a thing that involves them or concerns them. Kind of makes you wonder why they would be visiting here. Some of them may have wandered in with the hope that I have rediscovered my muse and added more to my life story. I fear that has not happened in over a month. Terrible, isn't it? I do have over five million neopoints to console me and almost have another personal project finished.

And two holidays from now is already a worry of mine, but I draw a blank on what gift to give. That is not a hint that people should tell me to buy them things. I have no money (and I mean NO MONEY), so that will just annoy me. Anyway, while slugs try to hitch a ride to the hayride and the cats wait for me to stand up so they can trip me, I think I shall try to find my muse. *stares at a huge list and wishes her brain could decide*

The creaks and the moans of these copper bones
Keep me awake, keep me reaching for cold stones
That will not deter, will not break copper bones

As they crest the hill, seeking out my face
I find myself quivering, no hiding place
For this is the time when I lose the race

The bones they clatter as they come downhill
Rolling and tumbling, no sinew holding them still
I hope they don't catch me, but know they will

These copper bones rise up from the ashes
Where my old life dies, silently thrashes
And I race and race, from the clamoring crashes

I race these bones coated in fine copper ore
I know not what vengeance clad them before
But I know that my death they have swore

Over the hill through the fog and the mist
Hoping to find where life was hissed
Into copper bones and what I have missed

The clamoring clatter of these copper bones
Chases me still, and dark night condones
The death that may find me from copper bones

One of the highlights of the weekend was picking up one of those fancy exercise balls. First, I picked it up at the book store. Second, I think it will make a spiffy desk chair. It may, at least, keep me awake when I am trying to type love letters to my cat.

As can be imagined, I spent Friday and Saturday night in Westover Park. My goal was to scare small children, but I didn't actually get any screams this year. The closest I got was when someone ran away when I started changing back into my street clothes. I knew the idea of me naked was scary, but I never knew the thought of me in shorts and panty hose was that scary. You still have no idea what I was if you didn't show up.

Don't worry though because you (and all of your friends) still have the chance to see me in an interesting costume. Four opportunities await over the coming weeks. I spent about four hours helping to set up for the indoor show. About an hour into this, I realized that I was the only female in the room. I did not find this reassuring. How I end up alone in a huge room full of boys is beyond me. I think I missed my calling in life as a sports radio announcer. Quit picturing me in a room full of half-naked men, it will scare you almost as much as I am scared in that vision. And now to show the cats how to catch the last letter of the alphabet.

A million things pass between my fingers each day. From handshakes to fiche to strands of hair to the pages of books as I flip through them. Some of them affect me while others leave me untouched and untamed. Yet here I sit, as always, pondering this world we live in and how blind and narcissistic the world has become. Look around and maybe you can see it, but I doubt you will. We don't look outside ourselves long enough to realize what is valuable, sacred, worthy of our time.

People tell me over and over how much I mean to them. With phrases like, "You're the only person who is always there for ME," "I love you, what else do you need," "I need you here", "I would miss you", and the like, how can I deny how much I am needed? I mean, if these people value me so much... Can they even see me? When is the last time you felt compelled to keep a promise to me? When is the last time you bothered to pay attention to me rather than berating me for something you think you saw?

In a world that can give us everything we need, we chase after what we want. The clean air and water that we need to live have to come through expensive filtration centers. Even that isn't free anymore. I was looking at a book on Native Americans today. One of the chapters mentions the fact that Manhattan was purchased for about $24. Wow, isn't that amazing? And look at all the good we have done with it...

I live in the constant coolness of central air, and that is not a luxury. We expect it. I realize that the world has changed since our ancestors lived. The climate has warmed up, so it really does make sense to have air conditioning, but how did we reach that point? Do we really need to have our fingers freezing off to be happy with the coolness inside? or roasting when it is cold outside?

I am not blaming my mother and father (trust me, they make minor contributions to this--they are the adult parents of a pack rat and trash digger--guess where I got it from). I can accept some blame for myself. I just wish that people wouldn't see that quality in me as an opportunity to blame me for the woes of the world. Just because I admit I am not perfect, does not give you the right to believe that anything is all my fault. If I try to tell you something, and you refuse to see it, I am not to blame. Stick your head back in the sand, little ones, and go back to the dream in which you live. And when the dream becomes a nightmare because you finally see the knives coming at you, I really would rather you not bring your tears to my door. I am tired of the constant drama, so keep me out of it.

Just as a note: sometimes what I write is not an impression of what happened today, but what I feel building up under the surface. Like feeling a disease invading your body before you exhibit any external symptoms.

*boing boing boing*

It's surprising how much one can pack into a day when one is Tiggering. Okay, so one of my goals for the day was to finish another segment of the infamous life story, but I fear I have failed my luscious Leda and Naughty Neesa. I hope they will forgive me. My Lava lords and ladies have been awfully quiet lately which leaves me without a spark to set my fire of inspiration burning. Who would have thought?

I did manage to make a little time for a friend I haven't seen for about five years. I know it is about five years from the ancient wrapping paper on the present that I finally got to hand over. I was afraid I was going to have to address it in French, but I managed to get out of it. Odd that I haven't seen her in forever and she has a better idea of what is really on my mind than the people who read this journal like junkies and try to let the rest of the world know how I really feel. Seriously, no one has me pegged or under their thumb. I wish they would realize that and stop getting so offended when they make the assumption that every second of my time is allocated to pleasing them.

So what is this about a legacy. I was wandering through the stacks of the library and happened to look at some of the labels. It hit me all of a sudden that I have had an influence on every library on campus (except for perhaps the law library though I do have some authority over even them). It's kind of disturbing actually. Even decades (and centuries judging by the durability of fiche) after I have disappeared from the world, some remnant of all my hard work will remain. A lot of the jobs in this world don't have that. Of course,some of the books I see are not leaving a good legacy. Nothing offends the muse in me more than a book that was obviously thrown together to help someone attain tenure. How can you give life to something without love it?

I do not mean loving what it can do for you. I mean loving it for what it is without any possessive pronouns. Let me see if I can explain what I mean. Hmmm. Well, as any gnome or gnu can tell you, I love Linux. I appreciate the way it doesn't fight or hassle me like Windows does, but more than that, I respect it for not being a whore. I adore certain types of cars. I have mentioned them before, so I won't go there. I may never own one of them (because they are not sensible cars), but I still adore them. I don't blame them for being sexy or covet the ones that other people own (though I admit it disturbs me to see them being abused or booted). But, as always, what do I know of love? *rolls eyes at something Aravan would understand and wanders off to love on a cat*

It's a widely known fact that I have no words of my own. This is why people will sit around and discuss what I said or tell me they don't remember me saying something when they were too busy putting words into my mouth to listen. It's right up there with attributing yourself to having some great knowledge of my desires when you have no idea. Thus I shall leave you with words that I find intriguing. Perhaps, you'll get a clue from them.

True friends never owe each other anything. --William Pene du Bois ~ Bear Circus

In choosing a friend, go up a step. --The Talmud

A rattlesnake that doesn't bite teaches you nothing. --Jessamyn West ~ The Life I Really Lived

Experience is a hard teacher. She gives the test first, the lessons afterward. -- Author unknown

Take only what you need and leave the land as you found it. --Native American Proverb

We have forgotten how to be good guests, how to walk lightly on the earth as other creatures do. --1972 Only One Earth Conference

Choose your friends like your books, few but choice. --American Proverb

Be slow in choosing a friend, slower in changing. --Benjamin Franklin

A happy marriage is a long conversation that always seems too short. ~Andre Maurois (1885-1967)~ Writer

Marriage is our last, best chance to grow up. ~Joseph Barth ~ Clergyman

Choose thy love. Love thy choice. --German Proverb

Every theory of love, from Plato down, teaches that each individual loves in the other sex what he lacks in himself. --G. Stanley Hall

If you live in my heart, you live rent free. --Irish Proverb

They gave each other a smile with a future in it. --Ring Lardner

You can outdistance that which is running after you but not what is running inside you. --Rwandan Proverb

We only become what we are by the radical and deep-seeded refusal of that which others have made of us. --Jean-Paul Sartre

A wonderful fact to reflect upon, that every human creature is constituted to be that profound secret and mystery to every other. --Charles Dickens ~ A Tale Of Two Cities

The most important thing is to be whatever you are without shame. --Rod Steiger (1925-2002) ~ Actor

For the man sound of body and serene of mind there is no such thing as bad weather; every day has its beauty, and storms which whip the blood do but make it pulse more vigorously. --George Robert Gissing (1857-1903)

If your mind isn't clouded by unnecessary things, This is the best season of your life. --Wu-Men (c. 1183-1260) ~ Buddhist monk

Greatness is not standing above our fellows and ordering them around--it is standing with them and helping them to be all they can be. --G. Arthur Keough (1909-1989) ~ Educator

Nobody stands taller than those willing to stand corrected. --William Safire ~ Columnist

The most noteworthy thing about gardeners is that they are always optimistic, always enterprising, and never satisfied. They always look forward to doing better than they have ever done before. --Vita Sackville-West (1892-1962) ~ Novelist and poet

You don't lead by pointing a finger and telling people some place to go. You lead by going to that place and making a case. --Ken Kesey (1935-2001) ~ Writer

I consider my ability to arouse enthusiasm among my people the greatest asset I possess, and the way to develop the best that is in a person is by appreciation and encouragement. --Charles Schwab (1862-1939) ~ Steel magnate

I don't want to live--I want to love first, and live incidentally. --Zelda Fitzgerald (1900-1948) ~ Writer

Love is the greatest beautifier in the universe. --May Christie

The pursuit of our dreams is, at heart, an act of faith combined with a giant act of will. But when it pays off, the unexpected happens. The world shifts around you, unseen passages open, and in many ways, the rules of reality--at least the rules that have defined your reality--change. --Bahram Akradi ~ Founder of Life Time Fitness

Time to believe we really didn't want it all. Now is the time and this is the hour. After we insult someone, abuse them, and take them for granted, how long do we expect to keep them in our thrall? Do we think ourselves too much to resist? From what I have seen, we do, yet I do not feel that way. I'd love to just turn my back on all of them and walk away, but, on the off-chance that would hurt them, I stay here, tied to my own bleeding heart awaiting the flood to wash me away completely.

Mondays make me mopey. Of course, a chill rain can make me mopey. I need a good thunderstorm, not this dull lifeless torrent of rain and snow. It has no passion, no light, no rumble, no risk of being electrocuted. Where is the fun in that. We just bundle up tighter in our layers of clothing, trying even more to close out a world that we probably are better off separated from anyway.

My "family" was going to have a wild Halloween party this evening and show off our pretty costumes, but the shiny droplets of rain tend to deter bonfires and barnstormings. Thus the party was called off and I am at home with the cats, pondering hot chocolate and the million and one ways to occupy a hobbit should she crawl into her winter cave and not wish to leave it. My magical list of projects has not got any shorter, however, so I am pretty sure that won't be a problem.

So this is the last weekend of the month coming up. Your last chance to come see me live and in person, doing a tiny little skit to entertain you, so you'll donate some money to a worthy cause. It's amazing how much less appealing that is than spending money for gas to go somewhere that charges you more and supports, well, a large corporation. Mmmm, I love big corporations and would love to support them and then complain about how they fleece the little guy. Sheep. Now who was it told me that they call them sheep for a reason? I think I miss that person, but I still have my stuffed penguin. Oh, Tux....

What do you get when you goose a ghost?
A handful of sheet!

I am ready for my sheet. Perhaps, I should be a ghost this year. Would anyone ever expect that? I heard quite a few amusing ghost jokes today, but I wouldn't want to repeat oft heard humorous bits.

Besides, it came to my attention again today that I shouldn't joke. Too many people take my jokes seriously and think my serious moments are a joke. Of course, people do choose whether or not to be injured by what they perceive. I can be injured by my perception that my cat no longer loves me because he is sleeping instead of staring at me. I can choose to believe my mother doesn't love me because she doesn't answer the phone the instant that I call. It is all rather ridiculous, isn't it?

It reminds me somehow of how my brother kept cramming bubble gum into his mouth and blowing bubbles once when we were children. He kept blowing larger and larger bubbles. Eventually, he could barely move his jaws to chew (since he is not a snake and can not relocate them), but he managed to blow that last bubble. Of course, it blew up in his face and got all through his hair. I was amused, as little sisters are contractually obligated to laugh at the misfortune of our brothers. He was not so amused and felt he had the right to grouse despite having chewed his own gum (to coin a phrase). I know lots of people like that. I just wish they would stop trying to chew me. I am not their worry or, due to their own inability to be a friend, their friend.

In other news, the world is trying to see more of me. I am not sure why on earth they want to do this, but it seems to be the only logical conclusion. I made myself a quick lunch this morning before realizing that leftover pizza in the fridge wanted to go with me, so I grabbed a piece of pizza, figuring I was thus covered for the next two days. Then when I got to the Institute, I was offered some freshly made baked spaghetti and garlic toast, so I am now covered for the rest of the week since I couldn't pass up fresh food for re-heated pizza. So why were they offering up free food on a Tuesday? All this glorious snow. They were hopeful that their good intentions in providing free food would warm up those people who wandered through the snow globe to see them.

I think I would rather like to go lay down in it and let the coldness wash over me. Perhaps, then my insides would not boil over with pain, fear of causing pain, and other such things I dare not mention or explain. The only problem is that the tree elves have been throwing branches at people all day. On the way to work, the car in front of me actually got hit by a falling branch. It certainly made for an exciting trip. Now to dance for the other great white in my life and perhaps post a much more exciting post elsewhere. Yeeeehaw!

Everybody knows that no party is complete until after the hobbit has come and done her thing. So what is the hobbit's thing? It depends on the hobbits mood. Today she was in a bit of a naughty mood. That can be hard for other people to deal with. What on earth am I talking about?

Well, I slapped around some books. They secretly love it. Maybe they just secretly love finding their way out into the stacks where you can caress, fondle, read and otherwise appreciate them. In other words, go into the stacks and appreciate our books. I am not sure that will be safe on Monday as ghouls and goblins may be slinking through the stacks, but I still recommend it.

I also informed a defenseless young man that killing him or watching him hurt himself was not on my list of things to do. I am not sure that he got it. Most defenseless young men seem to find me baffling. And young women seem to find me so easy to understand, but they really don't get me either. I think only my cat gets me and that is because he pounces me when I am half asleep.

Anyway, I then proceeded to stalk a girl. Does this surprise you? I followed her to a restaurant. I sat across from her. I watched her eat, while I pigged out. You'd think she'd notice me. Oh wait, she knew I was there the whole time. Isn't that wonderful.

To top off the evening, I have been torturing my roomie. I found some candies that look like fingers, eyes, toes, and mouths and planted them around the house. Apparently, they really freak him out. He still hasn't found one of them. I am looking forward to this. He keeps looking for it though. He will walk past some innocent looking object and pause. Then he'll walk on, turn around, sneak up on it, and jerk it upward to peer under it. This is great. I highly recommend it. I really do. Go buy candy and hide it. And if you hide it for me, that will give me twice as much fun. Onto the laughter.

Among the many wonderful happenings at the Haunted House were my duties of fluffing and fogging. I will leave my readers to wonder how those two things apply to my world. Tonight was our busiest indoor night of the year. Hopefully, next year will find more people willing to keep their commitments to come and support me and a local charity.

So it is the time of year when I must decide which of the items in my closet to wear and call a costume. Today I went with the "how much black can I wear?" look and went out as a vampire. It always strikes me as ironic that I have a white cat when I realize how much of my wardrobe is dark colors.

I did get to greet some trick or treaters though. Nothing is quite as amusing as plying kids with candy who will be going back to their parents. Ah, cruelty to parents can be so much fun. Trick or treat.