Something someone said today (I believe her names was Christy) that made me think again of how we fail to see what is truly beautiful in the women around us. Men seem to looking for the right curves, right connections, or right lack of moral standards. They no longer look for a woman who will encourage them to be better. They aren't looking for the woman who will sacrifice for the needs of her family. They aren't looking for the woman who will hold their hand through all the battles they may be fighting. Sometimes they get lucky and find a woman with the right level of beauty inside and out, but most often they settle for the one who fits their need of the moment (to be seen as desirable, to be seen as man enough to land a beauty).

The world saddens me. It is sliding deeper and deeper into the septic system and it hasn't realized it yet. Anyway, the cat needs me. Have a good one.

It amazes me how often we claim to love those that we don't love at all. I don't mean the love of mankind that is slowly slipping away from us more and more each day. I mean that full, passionate love that can take us to the stars and then sending us crashing to our knees. We claim this love or this hate (for hate can be declared on as little knowledge or less). We claim the right to be angry when we never bothered to listen to what they were really saying. We claim the right to be hurt when we never give someone the right to defend ourselves. We claim the right to destroy because we feel we have been wronged, but the only wrong done us was by ourselves. We claim the right to be jealous when jealousy is more a sign of our own selfishness than our love for another.

On the flip side, we can get to know people far too well. We can get to know them better than themselves. We can feel ourselves weeping on the inside for the unhappiness we fear they bring themselves. We can find ourselves tied up in knots, knowing that they will try to destroy our happiness because they fear it will take us from their sphere of influence. We know they are unaware that they are like this, but we hear it echoed every day in the words they say. Yet we can not cast them aside. We can not just say, "Goodbye" and leave it at that because we do not wish to hurt them as they have already hurt us. We hope that somehow tomorrow will see them finally growing up enough realize that we can love more than one and that it is okay if the whole world doesn't worship us.

Sadly, the whole world doesn't worship me. On a good note though, bonfires are as fun as you make them. No, we weren't dancing around the fire in our skivvies. We were randomly eating and proving that Mormons have lots of trouble lying. To clarify for those who were there, I really have fired a gun. Look at where I am from. And now for sleep.

I got to watch a wonderful rendition of "Anything You Can Do, I Can Do Better." It was quite entertaining but reminded me that I am sick of playing that game. I am also tired of being told how much I have wronged people. Did I not agree blindly? Did I not follow blindly? Am I just not blind? Do I not give you credit where credit isn't due? Sorry, I don't lie. I don't even lie to myself. It keeps me from leaping blindly into dark alleys and getting my head blown off by criminals and keeps me from coming off as an angel since I never claimed to be one.

The next comparison that struck me was the playing styles of those of us playing boccie. Some of us were casual observers and not the best players on our first venture into the boccie field. I would have done better if I threw more like a girl. A little self confidence may have also given an assist. Other players threw with confidence, quietly nodding their heads when their big ball landed closest to the little white ball. Since the balls were black, red, and white, we even had some commentary on how the game could incite prejudice (or appreciation). As you can imagine, I was not on the winning team during my single game, but I still had fun.

Then I got to compare that to the joys of volleyball. I may have botched boccie, but I certainly didn't volley volleyball. It was agreed that we were playing on the world's smallest court. I find that I have good instincts for going for the ball, but my follow through needs some work. I need to work on that before I establish my diva empire. Divas do have to fire their courtesans from time to time (usually before said courtesans make like a Jennifer Beal's movie and shoot a diva). My team would usually start out well and end poorly. I think some of us just got too excited to think straight. Once more, we had fun so who really cares if we won.

The real comparison of the day, however, falls between two beautiful things I can see in the sky. As the fireworks were warming up, I couldn't help but find my eyes drawn to the dim glow of the moon. Overcast with fluffy clouds, the thin sliver of silvery light still cast a glow warm enough to stop my heart. Then it was joined by a sprinkling of sparks from fireworks. The fireworks continued for a while. I can in no way express those feelings for my readers, but I can recap the near disasters. One of the rockets tried to take out a friend of mine. Luckily, he has been getting Matrix training, so he missed it. Another projectile launched itself into the nearby woods (thank goodness for our Independence Day rain showers). A few smaller explosions seemed to want to bond with the party-goers, with one actually going off next to someone's ear. Luckily, all the injuries sustained during the day came from the volleyball championship, so all is well.

Did I forget to wish a happy birthday to our future opera star? Well, Happy Birthday and don't forget that anything he can do, you CAN do better.

I love my neighbor's children. They have far too much fun. I am sure I have mentioned their affection for sledding on the grass. I am sure I have alluded to them riding Tonka trucks down the hill. I even believe I have commented on them rolling down the hill in garbage cans. Today they have found a new way to have good clean fun. The neighbor down the hill moved recently, so a gaping hole sits where their trailer once was. Looking down the hill, I saw these fabulous children playing in the new neighborhood wading pool. I gotta remember how to have fun like that. *peeks out into own marsh*

You don't understand anything until you learn it more than one way. ~Marvin Minsky

Talking about bulls is not the same as facing them in the ring. ~Mexican Proverb

Neither have they hearts to stay.
Nor wit enough to run away.
~Samuel Butler

A good example is like a bell that calls many to church. ~Danish Proverb

Example is not the main thing in influencing others. It is the only thing. ~Albert Schweitzer

Until you make peace with who you are, you'll never be content with what you have. ~Doris Mortman

Don't believe that winning is really everything. It's more important to stand for something. If you don't stand for something, what do you win? ~Joseph Lane Kirkland (1922-1999)

Your integrity will affect your destiny; don't leave home without it. ~Clarence E. Hodges

Don't let anybody tell you you're wasting your time when you're gazing into space. There is no other way to conceive an imaginary world.... ~Stephen Vizinczey

[K]eep one still, secret spot
where dreams may go...
~Louise Driscoll "Hold Fast Your Dreams"

Nothing is a waste of time if you use the experience wisely. ~Auguste Rodin (1840-1917)

Take what you can use and let the rest go by. ~Ken Kesey (1935-2001)

People think responsibility is hard to bear. It's not. I think that sometimes it is the absence of responsibility that is harder to bear. You have a great feeling of impotence. ~Henry Kissinger

Responsibilities gravitate to the person who can shoulder them. ~Elbert Hubbard (1856-1915)

We are living at a time when humankind can face whatever threatens it only if we, by which I mean each of us, manage to revive, with new energy and a new ethos, a sense of responsibility for the rest of the world. ~Vaclav Havel

The ability to accept responsibility is the measure of the man. ~Roy L. Smith

If I take care of my character, my reputation will take care of itself. ~D. L. Moody

If you can't handle laughter, I'm not the girl for you
I'm not that girl if what others think gets to you
If you can't handle animals, I'm not the girl for you
I'm not that girl if another's pout makes you feel untrue
If you can't handle sunshine, I'm not the girl for you
I can't be your girl if thunderstorms make you blue
If you can't admit to my beauty, I'm not the girl for you
I will not give my love, if you can't say "I love you!"
If you fear the unexpected, I'm not the girl for you
I'm not the girl you desire, if you can't accept you
If you're afraid to be rejected, I'm not the girl for you
I am that girl if you dare to dream, make me part of you

For those who think you know who that is addressed to, I assure you that you're wrong. We'll leave it at that.

So this was a fairly exciting weekend. I got to do some table dancing at my sister-in-law's baby shower. Okay, so I was really helping undecorate, but it did spark some interest from some of the other attendees. We had a pretty good time. I was declared cool by two teenage girls, so I am still doing something right. It could have been my enthusiasm for locating the dirty diaper or my commentary on things not to put on your nose (see below for the expanded list).

Sunday was laced with spiritual goodness. We were encouraged to gage our spirituality day by day (comparing our progress to our own achievements--not those around us). We also got advised to write in our journals more often. They're looking out for your reading needs.

Today was not as exciting. The microfiche and I got lots of bonding time, but we all know that very few people are truly interested in my private time with my most famous admirers. Not much else to report aside from a need to find the back of my eyelids. Sweet dreams!

Memories whiz by me like old movies from the fifties. The people in these memories fade in and out of black and white, acting so dramatic over the smallest little thing. All such drama will quickly fade away when a resolution is found and accepted. The past, however, is just a reflection of more of the same. Life repeats itself again and again until we finally get it right. So we see ourselves in a thousand mirrors, repeating the same actions with different situations and people until we finally make the choice that leads us on to the next circle. In the meantime, we find ourselves confronted by accusations, pain, renewed feelings from times best forgotten. On occasion though, the memories remind us of why we love, how we love, and what is important. What is important?

Some days, I realize I speak too oft of those things that annoy me. I am just holding in my happiest thoughts. These are my gems. (They will help me to fly.) Besides, I read the news. It often isn't pretty. The top stories remind me that we live in a world that seems bent on its own destruction. We have lied to ourselves so much that we now believe we NEED all of the things that we WANT. I, for instance, need a 2005 Mitsubishi Eclipse, right? Not really. I'd just stand outside staring at it all day while the words "shiny, shiny, shiny" echo through my head. Then I would probably have duck for dinner because one of my feathered friends decided to poo on my shiny friend. Such is the way of the world.

"It is the business of those who profess to be engaged in His work to move on, to go forward, and that too without murmuring or having to be urged. So long as there reamins a step forward to be taken, that step should be taken. . . . There is no standing still with the Latter-day Saints." ~Lorenzo Snow

So I have yet to regale the faithful with my opinions on breathing. We have a new program at work on stress relief. We have a DVD with different forms of stress relief for us to follow along with. The first one is deep breathing excercises. I just can't find the humor in them. Of course, I have found the deeper you breath, the more cat hair you can inhale if one of the cats happens to shed your way, but that is nothing abnormal.

No amount of optimism can overcome a Friday that feels like a Monday. The day started out a little odd since I woke up in exactly the same position I fell asleep in. Then I realized that the demons were not trying to awaken me. This doesn't bode well for a Friday. From there, I traveled to my high-class workplace where my fancy key could not open the door to the staff lounge. You'd think this would be an easy thing to get over. You underestimate how many people arrive expecting me to have already unlocked said door. Thus many people were made unhappy until a friendly repairman came to open the door for us.

but I don't find you to be one.

That is the quote for the day. I address it to my microfiche who fail to amuse me on Monday mornings. I do not address it to really viscous lotion. I managed to dump that all over me today. I hope my co-workers don't rebel against my flowery nature and hang me from the edge of the cubicle. Yes, that is a threat to a hobbit. Little hobbit legs dangling in midair means bad things for the ability to breath (unless the hobbit is sitting on a stool). Too warm to think. Off to bed I go.

I am not sure if it is the heat or just too much to do at the wrong time, but my chemistry has been very off. Due to yesterday's lotion mishap, I am afraid to try to fix the problem with aromotherapy (just imagine how many weeks it might be before the location I choose smells less aromatic). I get more of those grade school vibes wherever I go. Little Susie and Little Lucy are trying to figure out if Little Davey and Little Jenny are a couple, and Little Jimmy is trying to flirt with Little Sally and failing more miserably than he knows. I could tell him this, but he is too busy shoving macaroni up his nose to listen to that silly Ms. Ordena. Kids, eh? Someday they'll grow up and realize that the world really does revolve around the sun and they are not the sun.

The sun is that glowing ball in the sky that makes me sneeze, fries silly people's skin to a crisp, and generates the aforementioned heat wave. I am just clarifying for all of my young readers. I don't want to confuse anyone with deep doctrine.

"If we love God, do His will, and fear His judgment more than men's, we will have self-esteem." ~Ezra Taft Benson

"If I had a horse, I'd name its behind after you!"

You've all met people you wanted to say that to. I think it is time to move along, however. A great ball of dirt and water (a mudball, if you will) lies outside these doors and when I finally find the time, I plan to conquer it. Hopefully, the mud tastes like chocolate, or is the same MUD that has been shaped by the IMPress before.

"A friend is more concerned about helping people than getting credit. A friend cares. A friend loves. A friend listens. And a friend reaches out." ~President Thomas S. Monson (Guess who is not my friend?;)

"I plead for understanding among our people, for a spirit of tolerance toward one another, and for forgiveness. All of us have far too much to do to waste our time and energies in criticism, faultfinding, or the abuse of others. The Lord has commanded this people, saying: "Strengthen your brethren in all your conversation, in all your prayers, in all your exhortations, and in all your doings." This is the commandment, stated unequivocally; and then follows this marvelous promise: "And behold, and lo, I am with you to bless you and deliver you forever." (D&C 108:7.)

"People of the world seem unable to believe it, so many of them. What they do not realize is that the things of God are understood only by the Spirit of God. There must be effort. There must be humility. There must be prayer. But the results are certain and the testimony is sure.

"If our people, as individuals, ever lose that certitude, the Church will dwindle as so many others have. I have no fear of that. I am confident that an ever-enlarging membership will seek for and find that personal conviction which we call testimony, which comes by the power of the Holy Ghost, and which can weather the storms of adversity." ~President Gordon B. Hinckley (Guess what I am working on this week!)

"If ye are prepared ye shall not fear" (D&C 38:30). (Guess I should get ready for the inevitable then, eh?)

"Recently I watched over 20,000 young Latter-day Saint men and women listen to a spiritual message. They took notes and concentrated on the speaker, anxious to learn. There radiated from them an intense spirit of purity, righteousness, and devotion. No one had forced them to come. They wanted to be there."

"Later I met with over 2,000 full-time missionaries preparing to serve. The room was charged with the Spirit. I asked them difficult questions. They responded extremely well, often citing supporting scriptures. As I shook missionaries¡Ç hands and looked into their eyes, I felt purity and a spirit of devotion. It was an inspiring experience. Each had set aside personal interests to accept a call to join what can become our greatest generation of missionaries." ~Elder Richard G. Scott (Guess where I want to be!)

Those are quotes and scriptures I thought about using in version three of my lesson for Monday. Those who felt it worth the effort to show up on time and listen (after the pre-lesson, of course) will have noted that none of those were used in the final version. Thus they have been doubly blessed with enlightenment from people far more wise and patient than I. Today has been rather relaxing. Despite my best attempts to be lazy, I have found myself being a bit productive. I even cleaned a few things. Now I am trying to find my muse. We haven't talked much lately and I miss her. I think I see her peeking around the corner and teasing me. Let me go see...

"There is nothing that steals a man's time, his talents, his vigor, his energy, even his prospects of salvation, in greater degree than the crime of procrastination." ~Reed Smoot (CR, October 1907, p. 58)

Joy is the flag you fly when the Prince of Peace is in residence within your heart. ~Wilfred Peterson

The chief danger in life is that you may take too many precautions. ~Alfred Adler (1870-1937)

Often greater risk is involved in postponement than in making a wrong decision. ~H. A. Hopf

To be a great champion you must believe you are the best. If you're not, pretend you are. ~Muhammad Ali

We must find our duties in what comes to us, not in what might have been. ~George Eliot (1819-1880)

The simplest truths often meet the sternest resistance and are slowest in getting general acceptance. ~Frederick Douglass (1817-1895)

Age gives good advice when it is no longer able to give bad example. ~American Proverb

The biggest mistake is believing there is one right way to listen, to talk, to have a conversation--or a relationship. ~Deborah Tannen

Hugging is a means of getting two people so close together that they can't see anything wrong with each other. ~Author unknown

If the young only knew; if the old only could. ~French Saying

The heart that loves is always young. ~Greek Proverb

Age does not protect you from love. But love, to some extent, protects you from age. ~Jeanne Moreau

Passionate love and a cough cannot be concealed. ~Japanese Proverb

Love, the itch and a cough cannot be hid. ~Thomas Fuller

No, I have not been goosing pirates. I did get some swag this week though. Indeed, my cat was impressed by my short list of prizes. I got a skirt, a penny, a cake (okay, I made that myself), Japanese food, a hand-me-down camera, a Bible cover (people have been hearing rumors of me and scriptures), some cookies (some even shaped like hobbit feet--now that's love), a thunderstorm (brief but thrilling), some grafitti, and a few random phone calls. I can just tell the world is jealous, but why would people give me gifts. Because they love me and realize every day of my life isn't about them and their problems, perhaps?

This morning dawned brightly with me putting my hair up in a way that evoked memories of Robert Palmer backup dancers. No, I did not wear the pre-requisite little black dress (though I do own one). I made it to church where we learned, loved, and laughed as per usual. I even managed to find the good in most of the people I talked to, which is always a plus. I have been meaning to work on that. The rest of the day has been spent reading and thinking, so not much excitement to report. Off to find something exciting to finish off the day.

I have been giving more thought to the masquerade of our lives. It could be how often I get told how lovely I am for simply slapping a little (and I mean very little) powder on my face. People just come to expect that people who are worth their time will primp and pamper. It amazes me. It's a hard world when we can't just see the natural beauty in those around us.

I returned to work after four days away from the fiche and had to rediscover the beauty of my job. An honest job should not make one feel ashamed, regardless of how little they are paid for it. I find that sometimes people think they have attained something fabulous because they earn twice as much as their friends. Those people also tend to not enjoy their jobs at all. I can enjoy just about anything in the way of work, as long as I don't have to deal with people telling me five different ways to do it and then changing the parameters again when it's finished.

Of course, it was also a Monday, which means I was plagued by the normal Monday maladies. I got my standard headache which I managed to ignore with the help of a Blizzard and some fabulous 80s music. Anyway, in the hopes of waking up to another day for Malks and Toreadors, I leave you with the following thought: the sky is blue.

My brother who is more of a human than a hobbit gains another year today. Isn't he lucky? I don't think I can top the present mom gave him for his second birthday, so I won't even try. Does that make me a quitter or a bad sister? I'll let him decide. I did call and leave him a nice Mogwai rendition of a birthday song. I hope that lets him know I care. After all, he wished me a Merry Christmas.

I felt I had a nice theme going, so I decided to stick with it. Every now and then, I feel the world wants to hear updates on my foray into the life of a health conscious adult. I have yet to make it all the way there, but each time I sign up for one of the programs at work, I feel my enthusiasm spike and sputter. This week, we are learning to meditate our way to a stress free life. It doesn't pay the bills, but it can if you enjoy this entry so much that you give me money. (It's not begging if I deserve it.)

Among the many things I have learned about meditation is that it does not work so well with mediators. How did I reach this conclusion? Well, the lady leading the brief meditation on our fabulous DVD somehow failed to make me realize we were done meditating. I thought the funny hand movements were supposed to calm me not close out the session. Then again, I may have been distracted by the wet, warm nose that kept pressing up against my arm. I haven't decided if the cats decided to join me because I was on their level on the floor or if they thought it was time for family prayer. I am voting for the first, since they have been known to disrupt other fun forays into the world of better health.

Long term readers may remember mentions of some of these events. Rodney, for instance, latching onto a veil and holding on in the hopes of getting a free Ferris wheel ride. This is actually excellent strength training for the upper body, but not so great for delicate fabric. Then I have Ziggy who believes she should be directly underfoot whether I am dancing, walking, running, skipping, jumping, or simply stumbling to the bathroom at three in the morning. Oh, and Lil' Guy makes his presence known whenever one is attempting Pilates Yoga or anything else that brings beautiful, desirable, addicting hobbit hair where he can reach it.

In fact, the only exercise routine that does not have cat-instituted spotting is when one is rolling around mirthfully with an exercise ball. This, for some reason, scares the cats as much as it amuses me. Thus is born the Kitty Commando Combat Quarters. If you can survive exercising in the presence of the cats I live with, you can survive a fully-loaded tank. (If you have had the full Ziggy experience, you know this is no exaggeration.)

Nothing in the world is more appealing than beautiful women with food on their face. I am not sure which is more attractive--apple sauce or oatmeal with bananas, but I am sure that any man would have the same difficulty choosing with our gorgeous group of gals. Even the fabulous Mr. Darcey would reconsider his unshakable love for the beautiful Elizabeth Bennett. That was pretty much the extent of our evening. We tried to divide up the lucky men of our Ward among ourselves, but we just had so much trouble deciding who would be best for who. I guess they'll have to remember what it means to be men and figure it out for themselves. Anyway, that is the brief version. The long version is right in my head where it belongs.

Sometimes it comes to our attention that we have grown apart as friends, not been the kind of friend that was expected of us, or just find someone new we want to befriend. All such occurrences require no thought for the average person, but IMPresses and divas find that they must give such matters much thought. A friend who is too demanding of our time can drain us dry and a friend who is a friend for the wrong reasons may cause more harm than good. It is terrible to be a cynic but foolish to rush blindly into friendship.

So that is only one of the many topics on my mind. Another is the fact that my fiche have a desperate need for attention. I keep marveling at how they go on and on forever. It's like cataloging a whole library that was squished into some very shiny drawers. No problems with that as long as people who hear me speak of them don't confuse them with something else I might speak of such as books. Amazing how annoying an idiot can be when they feel an urge to pretend they know things they don't or lead those who have better leadership. It is a bit of irony that I can not help but find in my life.

I did get to spend a relatively quiet Monday Mormon Moment with my friends. I believe they have recovered by now. They have had a couple of hours. Of course, some of them may be having withdrawal symptoms from the cinnamon rolls. Every hobbit knows that my cooking can be addictive. Mmmm. On that note, I have no earthshaking news bouncing around to share.