A new cat has moved into the cat house. No, this is not a result of my influence. Granted I did borrow someone's tiny kitten in the auto parts store. (I know, I go into an auto parts store and find a cat. I am catwoman. I can't deny it anymore.) So this new cat has done little more than hide from the rest of the denizens of the house. I am not sure I blame him. I am a little afraid Ziggy might give him the treatment. Lil' Guy might appreciate getting a break from time to time.

As of 2:25 today, another fabulous girl from my lineage has entered the world. Young Madelyn has entered the world and offers yet another generation of beautiful divaliciousness to make the men weep. Ah, I am sure she is already breaking hearts of male nurses as we speak.

In other news, the new fellow at my place, also known as Furgoo, is making some adjustments. He didn't spend nearly as much time hissing at his new housemates today. He did make another venture into one of the forbidden zones--under my bed. Only one is more forbidden. That being on my bed because Ziggy and Rodney will remove the limbs of anyone who tries to take over that particular territory. It's like extreme kitty Risk--diva bedroom version.

The reputation of a thousand years may be determined by the conduct of one hour. ~Japanese Proverb

Not what I have but what I do is my kingdom. ~Thomas Carlyle

I never said I was jealous, but they always assumed
I never said I was in love, but it was presumed
I never said that I had need of your approbation
Or that my life would not be lived without adoration
From throngs of people who hear what I never said
And let their perceived impressions go to their head
I never said I needed to be so firmly enslaved
I never said I needed, by a mortal, to be saved
Nor did I say I would never give a single chance
To one who was wise enough to put down his lance
Long enough to ask the question in his burning heart
But it is something I never said that keeps us apart

It hasn't been much of a vacation. It wasn't even my version of a vacation. It is very hard to accomplish anything when you live in a family hotel. Especially when you become the entertainment. I think I accomplished little beyond eating this weekend. Luckily, that is what hobbits do best. So what did I eat? I am not even sure at this point. I am also not sure that my body is as hobbitish as it should be. It is lodging a complaint and stating that I should skip breakfast, elevenses, and lunch tomorrow, at least.

Watching Ziggy walk can be quite amusing. She doesn't walk funny (except when she has recently decided to walk under my feet in the dark). She walks with purpose. The way she walks is reminiscent of a much larger cat. She is like the world's tiniest tiger, and that is just who she is. Not the first time I have encountered such glory in such a petite tabby, but it always makes me think. How many of us can truly claim we are just being who we are?

This world is driven by the need to conform. We stress ourselves out trying to be normal. We try so hard just to blend in. At the same time, we want to be noticed. We want to be seen and admired. Some people even get angry that other people don't see them as the movie stars that they think they have become. I find that fame is not really as wonderful as people think. It is more fun to appreciate the whole world from the eaves and, from time to time, to share it with someone who also appreciates just seeing the world unfold. I have not found this person (because I am not looking, I'm told). I just know the world isn't going to happen in my time frame. My time frame is vastly skewed from the modern norm anyway.

In new and exciting developments, I got to hold a wee one today. She looks like her father, who has been accused of being my twin. Do you know what that means? That's right, she really is an aspiring diva. Hopefully, she isn't allergic to cats or she won't be able to get the advanced training she needs from the Bella's Bodacious Brigade of Brilliance. It is a very elite school. In fact, some may even say that you have to either have the ancient gene or be ascended to get in. The some in question may just be me and my wife, but really, who else counts. (Yes, I know, the Count from Sesame Street.)

"Those who talk of blind obedience may appear to know many things, but they do not understand the doctrines of the gospel. There is an obedience that comes from a knowledge of the truth that transcends any external form of control. We are not obedient because we are blind, we are obedient because we can see." ~Boyd K. Packer (Ensign, May 1983, p. 66.)

I must be doing something wrong (or right depending on personal perspective). I was mistaken for a sorority girl today. I woke up this morning and decided that I would wear my lovely, bright, yellow library t-shirt. As it was not a game day and in the middle of the week, I thought it wouldn't make me look too much like an obsessed fan. Little did I count on the fact that just about every sorority in town would be wearing a bright yellow shirt in honor of the chance to "Meet a Greek". I gathered this information from reading one of the other t-shirts that was threatening to blind the populace.

Anyway, I still thought I was safe. After all the words "library" and "Greek" tend not to be synonymous on the campus of the party school (only number 3 in the ratings, but number 1 to many couches, cars, and kegs in Grant Avenue history). So I was roaming the library, making my prudish, librarians more pronounced by grabbing a box of fiche and hitting the stairs. As I made my way up and around, I saw two girls coming down. You know these girls. They have perfect hair and even more perfect make-up. They travel in small packs for protection. They look nothing like me. One of them looked at me, looked at my shirt, looked at my face again. She looked confused. She looked away. She looked down at my shirt again. Then she did the unthinkable. She addressed me, "hello". I admit I was a bit stunned, so I mumbled my own greeting and continued on my way. Then I realized that the impossible had happened, I was mistaken for a sorority girl. Oy, I am so appalled. I shall have to console myself with a dream.

The best movies I ever see are the ones that run through my head at night. I just wish my brain were a better casting director. Some people just aren't meant to play certain roles even in my head. It's also creepy who ends up being the bad guy from time to time. Though I have heard rumors that some divas are bad bad girls, so I suppose that my brain gets it right from time to time. Last night, my dream seemed to hinge around the value of a candy bar. Candy bars were of great value, as is to be expected. I am not ashamed to admit to my addictions, are you?

What is the most important thing in the world today? Is it me? Is it my needs? Is it my desires? Is it how I can scramble forward if I climb across enough people? It amazes me how much the world concentrates on "me". Not me, Bella, but the self. We're selfish. We're cruel. We're insensitive. When we see one who isn't, we assume that they are as mecentric as ourselves, and we feel no pain in trying to "knock them down a peg". After all, they need it.

Not such a good thing to realize when one is forever looking for the logical compromise. Why? The logical compromise usually leaves out factors that the mecentric individual thinks are important to the situation. It leaves out what "me" wants versus what is overall easier for "us". It also tends to take into account a few more factors than most people want to observe. Common sense is a bit beyond us. I actually had a brief conversation with a student today about how most Comm. classes are just lessons in common sense. We need to have a discipline just to teach people how to behave around each other and what to expect when trying to interact. B. F. Skinner would be so proud, wouldn't he?

So what brings me back to my ranting state of mind? The constant reminders of what man is capable of. I speak of both the beauty and the cruelty that can be wrought in the human condition. I speak of those who bring death as well as those who bring life. I speak of those who laugh at another's pain and those who weep for another's sorrow. Yes, you have heard (or read) these words before. A much better man than I, a much better speaker than I, a man with greater understanding than I has said similar things again and again. We rarely listen, to our own chagrin. We'd rather chase after the green than the white. We'd rather feed our bodies than our souls.

This month is filled with anniversaries. Sadly, I am not referring to some dear friends (parents, even) who I believe have one coming up on Tuesday. I also do not speak of this evenings celebration of forty delightful years of Star Trek. I speak of natural devastation and human chaos. I speak of those things we remember once a year with candles, vigils, tears, and tokens. I speak of those things that have jolted us back into some consciousness of what we really are. I speak of events that bring the whole human race together with outstretched arms and unfeigned love. I speak of those moments when we finally think outside ourselves and put our own desires away to reach out to someone else. I speak of those things that we let overwhelm us so powerfully in the moment before we as swiftly forget the lessons we were taught. We are too busy chasing our own rainbows. Forget about them!!!

I don't mean completely. We need our own dreams to chase, but that should not consume our every thought. We should always remember that pain enters this world, but we should try each day to be something better than our carnal desires, our conceit, our shame, our hatred, our envy, our lies. We should try each day to remember that no matter what we believe, beneath it all, we believe that we can be saved. If we don't believe that, we have learned nothing from the noble gift of life. We are born to live. We are born to learn. We are born to love. We are born to lift. We are born to laugh. We are born to laud. We are born to lead. And, sometimes, we are born to leave behind those things that would keep us from seeing how wonderful we can be if we stop living for this world and start living in it with the intent to make it better for every one and every being.

I love how I can say something without people paying attention. I love how they then wonder why I stop talking to them. If you don't really want to listen, why should I waste the words? I have other places I can put my words. *shrug*

Anyway, the weekend was on par with the average. My car refused to start in the morning, but then finally got up the nerve to go that afternoon. Thus I kept my commitment to visit the family. I got to hold my niece for over an hour. As you can imagine, this was shocking since I am usually running around trying to do three things at once. I am still in my one-thing-at-a-time stage of baby-holding. I hope to someday move beyond this and become super-Auntie, but that is something in the future.

Back to hobbitmobile hijinks. I find it disturbing how very weird people come about being passed by an Omni. I came up behind a car that was going 40mph. The truck behind me was keeping a nice following distance when I was going the speed limit, but they decided to ride my bumper when I slowed down to the pace of the car in front of me. After about 10 miles of following in their wake, I decided to try something new and pass them. Of course, as soon as they realized they were being passed by my sexy love machine, they decided to force their car up to 50. About this point in time, the truck that had been behind me was on their bumper, another car was in my lane, and I had to hit about 60 (which was above the posted speed limit of 55--Sammy Hagar would be so proud) to slip in before a wreck ensued. The car behind the one coming at me had decided to move into my lane for some reason and I saw it sneaking back over the line. I seriously hope he wasn't thinking to avoid an accident that way. *shakes head* A little later, I looked in my rear-view mirror and saw that my friend in the truck had also passed our friend in the Toyota Tercel.

Not much else to report besides this: MEN IN KILTS!

Before I get into today's rant, I have to stop and wish a happy b-day to my mommy, my "daddy", and one of my cousin's. Did I miss anyone?

Anyway, I don't think I should dream anymore. I don't mean have hopes and dreams for the future (despite those younger than me telling me that I will not grow up to be a cookie last night). I always have hopes and dreams for the future. My problem with my night dreams is that they stimulate my brain too much. They make me think. They make me aware of all the lies I tell myself so I can keep trying to befriend this pitifully "friendless" world.

One of my vivid dreams from my past session with my REMs just reminded me of how talented I have gotten at not telling people things that aren't their business. It was quite fascinating seeing the scene unfold around questions being asked and me answering them in such a way that I really told them nothing. I tend to have to do that a lot. Some people just don't get that a) I am actually not jealous of them, b) don't need them to fix my life when they don't actually have it all figured out, or c) feel they need to know everyone's business. If someone trusts me enough to tell me their heart, I am not going betray that. I don't care how much you stress that we are such good friends. I should have become a doctor or a lawyer, eh?

And for those who don't understand why I screamed "MEN IN KILTS" last night, I shall now list some notable men in dresses and kilts:

1. Rowdy Roddy Piper (who was on screen as I was finishing my entry)
2. My 6 year old stepson's dad
3. My very creepy former roomie who did a good Magenta
4. Patrick Swayze from "To Wong Foo...Julie Newmar"
5. John Leguizamo from the same
6. Chris, a former employee of the library
7. Mel Gibson in "Braveheart"
8. Many scrumptious men from the Highlander movies or series (and I will accept most of them as gifts, thank you)
9. My friend Will in the comedy theater (I was told he has nice legs by a few guys, should I worry?)
10. A lot of you this upcoming Halloween?

That reminds me. I think I may know what I am going to be for Halloween this year. You want to know? Me. Hahahahaha! You'll find out later if I explain it in detail and issue a memo.

Among other thoughts of the day was the one that books are not always fun. I got some random books today who needed my attention. They also needed a good dusting. My coworkers got to experience another joyful rendition of my sneeze chorus compliments of the dust bin, and I got to look at all sorts of fabulous tables. I will be able to turn into a calculator in no time. *calculates how much time she has to work on other things before she passes out*

It is the middle of the week. My obligations of birthdays are pretty much done for the month. Now, I am free to concentrate more fully on the upcoming fright season. Are you ready to be scared? Have you already been scared? Are you saving up your spare change so you can make your way to the Spooktacular Haunted House this year? I hope so.

Before I get to that, I have to give myself a warm pat on the back. I made the dusty books on my desk disappear. My boss wandered through later in the day and gave me a treasure of a quote, "This looks bad. Your desk is clean. It's like you're going somewhere." I'm not going anywhere. What would the fiche do without me? *shakes head* That is just pure silliness.

I also got some commentary from one of my readers that my website needs revamped. As always, I will spend more time making my website pretty a) when I have the time (which won't be any time soon) or b) when I am offered enough money to make it worth my while. I have been offered a whole dollar, would anyone else like to add to the ante? Please let me know.

I also got the joy of participating in another preparatory meeting for the most fun you will have this fall. I've already mentioned it above, so feel free to remind yourself to make the effort to come support a good cause. This was followed by our requisite visit to the local Halloween store and dinner at one of the places cheap enough for me to afford. Of course, the service was also cheap. Though our waitress was cordial and polite to her other customers, she seemed irritated that we expected to be served. Seriously, people need to learn to have a little more dedication to their job. I don't care if you're digging ditches, flipping burgers, serving food, or shuffling fiche, your job is important to someone and should be important to you too.

The news reports are keeping me posted on Gordon and Helene. Were we this interested in such things before Katrina? The whole world is looking for signs of its own demise. In some ways, many of us are already dead. We don't want to think for ourselves. We don't want to do for ourselves. If we don't want to help ourselves, why do we expect everyone else to cater to us? Of course, a few other people are on the other side of the spectrum. We don't want people doing for us. In my case, this stems from the fact that most people feel I owe them if they do me the slightest favor (even if their "favor" actually hurt me).

I keep proving to myself that I should not speak. It is a constant waste of words for me to say anything of worth. You'r enot listening. You're look for a door in. You're looking in the wrong place for the wrong reasons. There is no fame, satisfaction, or power to be gained from feeling you know me. Oy...the silence must return...

So I was reading the college paper again today. It, in fact, has been a featured part of many of my more amusing rants over the years. Today's big news was about the culture and cultures (bacterial and chemical warfare variety) of couch burning. They should take articles such as this one and the warning about credit cards and publish a book for those coming to the University City to begin their college career. It could be the unofficial college handbook. In fact, for all those incoming freshman, I think I shall just jot down some possible chapters and a snippet of the advice that would be included therein.

1. Grant Street: It's Game Night, There Will Be a Party - If you want to be involved this is fabulous information to have. It is even better to have if you intend to keep your lawn furniture and car. Come on, we have to give them a warning. (Someone actually had to ask this in front of me yesterday).
2. Free Sandwiches and Funky Credit Ratings - The free sandwich will taste good. It will even be worth filling out that application, but what happens to all that information you give them. More importantly, what should you do with that shiny rectangle you're going to get in the mail?
3. One Way Streets: They're Everywhere - This is information we wish to share with every newcomer to the town. As much fun as it is to watch someone going over the speed limit in the wrong direction on a one way street, I have heard rumors it is a safety hazard.

This morning another secret of the men in the trees was revealed. They weren't actually climbing the trees. They were just making their way across a rope stretched between them. This is more entetaining to see than I could ever describe. We should all get up early and bring popcorn when they are working on this particular drill. It looks rather amusing.

I spent some more quality time with my trusty glue stick. I conquered a popcorn box. Maybe some day when you are older, I will be able to explain to you how fulfilling that is. Now I am waiting for all the banned book madness to come together.

The first thing I notice about being sick is that I am far more cheerful than normal. It could be the fact that I lack the breath to do much more than whine a bit and wheeze a lot. It could be that I am content as long as anything in the near vicinity looks like a pillow. It could be the fact that my head is too fuzzy to think clearly about the ills of our world (just the ills of the hobbit make it through the fuzz). Whatever it is, whether you notice or not, I am far too chipper.

The second thing I notice is that when I am lounging around on my couch wishing I could do anything without having to stop and wipe my nose, the cats seem more animated than after I come home. Most of them anyway. Rodney and I were having a wheezing contest for a while and then he curled up next to me (looking very much like a pillow). I woke up about two hours later, and, inevitably, wiped my nose.

Then I am forced to face the fact that my body refuses to be normal. The congestion traveled from one side of my head to the other and is now lodged in my chest. I feel like I have to burp. I am not talking about a polite lady burp. I am thinking this would equate to one of those burps so potent, that you could spout your ABCs and get a fair way into your 123s before you lost momentum. Don't worry, I won't burp in your general direction if it comes to that.

And most terribly, it forces me to try not to be out in public too much. This is terribly hard and inconvenient for me. I was trying to explain to someone the other day that I have to book my time in advance. I may have too many friends. In fact, I even had a dinner date last night. Yes, it was with a gaggle of gorgeous gals. I have now discovered another fine, carb-dining location to meander into when I am feeling the need. I love any restaurant that plops a huge plate of breads in front of me without me having to ask them.

Service is nothing but love in work clothes. ~Author unknown

Love: The only fire for which there is no insurance. ~Author unknown

Peace will come wherever it is sincerely invited. Love will overflow every sanctuary given it. Truth will grow where the fertilizer that nourishes it is also truth. ~Alice Walker

The price of peace is righteousness. Peace cannot be imposed. It must come from the lives and hearts of men. There is no other way. ~Ezra Taft Benson Listen, A Journal of Better Living

Stand strong against the wiles of the world. We pray that as you walk the paths of life you will walk in ways that are straight with the strength to conform even though those paths be narrow. ~President Gordon B. Hinckley Ensign, Nov. 1995

"The faults and shortcomings we see in the members of our own ward or branch are of less consequence to us than one of the smallest in ourselves." ~Jacob de Jager (Ensign, May 1983, p. 76.)

My New Friend

You will never have a friend if you must have one without faults. ~Italian Proverb

Lean too much upon the approval of people, and it becomes a bed of thorns. ~Tehyi Hsieh (b. 1884)

Everybody knows if you are too careful you are so occupied in being careful that you are sure to stumble over something. ~Gertrude Stein (1874-1931)

"We should send our roots deep into the soil of the gospel. We should grow, flourish, flower, and bear good fruit in the abundance desite the evil, temptation, or criticism we might encounter. We should learn to thrive in the heat of adversity." ~Joseph B. Wirthlin

"Happiness comes from within, and not from without." ~Milton R. Hunter

"I think [forgiveness] may be the greatest virtue on earth, and certainly the most needed. There is so much of meanness and abuse, of intolerance and hatred. There is so great a need for repentance and forgiveness. It is the great principle emphasized in all of scripture, both ancient and modern. Somehow forgiveness, with love and tolerance, accomplishes miracles that can happen in no other way." ~Gordon B. Hinckley

"Human development. . . consists of both refusing to do evil and choosing to do good." ~Neal A. Maxwell

So I come face to face again with the age old question of "Who are you trying to protect?" I can't begin to list how many times I have seen one person being attacked, derided, beaten, or otherwise injured in order to "protect" someone else. More sadly, I can not list how many times I am the one who comes away with verbal scars (and an unimproved temperament). I realize that sometimes people tell me what to do for my own protection. Of course, that advice usually comes to a large group of people and not just to me. It also doesn't presume that I really have nothing better to do than obey someone who doesn't respect me. Sadder still? I find it very disturbing to realize how little real value people place on me who jealously guard me and want to keep me from the rest of the world...

In other areas where we try to "protect", it is Banned Books Week. It is that one week a year when libraries across the nation encourage people to think for themselves. One of my co-workers questioned why we even celebrate it in a university library. After all, these are grown adults that enter our hallowed halls. Yes, these are grown adults. These are grown adults who talk on their cell phones next to people who are trying to work or study and get angry that they are asked to put it away. These are grown adults who often pick their major based on mom and dad's expectations (and I have met extreme cases where mom and dad picked their schedule). They still have to learn how to choose for themselves.

I confess that many of the titles on the banned book list don't appeal to me. I would not read these books. I wouldn't encourage someone to read them. In fact, if my friends asked, I would probably tell them I didn't think these books are worth reading. The other side of this particular truth is that I would not tell them outright not to read the book. That is their decision to make. I don't claim to have any power to choose for them, and I wouldn't do so. So why do I support banned books week?

For those who didn't quite get the point, this is the quick and dirty recap. People should be allowed to choose what they read. Yes, children need the guidance of their parents, but I don't work in a child-rich environment. I believe it is important to get to know about something or someone before you assess its value. I believe it is important to learn as much as you can to improve yourself, and you can learn a lot from simply being able to say from your own reading of even a few pages, "You know what? This book is not going to enrich me." Then you should have the maturity to share your opinion but not try to force others around you to comply.

It is a story that stretches back further in time than anyone who reads this journal could know. If six of you read this, you will have six different assumptions about what I am saying. None of you will be right. I just tire of being part of a world whose values have sunk so low. I am tired of watching people be rewarded for what all logic tells me is poor ethics or selling themselves short. Do you have to be a sell out to succeed? Do you have to give up your principles? Do you have to cast aside your faith? Do you have to trample other people under your feet?

I know it's hard to see me and even harder to understand what I am saying. I'd make it easier but I am reminded day after day that people don't want to see or hear me. They want be amused by me, helped by me, made to look good because they believe in some confused way that they inspired or created who I am. Trust me, I have seen what mortal men make of each other and I am none of those things. I am not a whore. I am not a slave to fashion. I am not convinced I should be rewarded for barely doing what is expected of me. Of course, since I tend to do far more than is expected of me (simply because I do truly care about someone or something), I do not expect to be kicked by monkeys, berated by fools, cast off by children, or interpreted by one moron who doesn't understand to another who just doesn't get it.

ONWARD! So I took a little venture into the private ladies' room (for library staff only) today. I do this from time to time and always ask myself why. I believe I have finally solved the mystery. As the season of scaring arrives, I find that few things are creepier than that bathroom. It may be the fact that it smells faintly of sewage or something more deadly. I believe today's particular manifestation was helped by the ambience given off when only the emergency light is on. I can't say I have any idea why someone would turn the lights off, since they didn't bother to lock the door when they left. However, they did and the scratched and scarred marble, green-tinted copper pipes, and cream-colored stall doors took on a whole new dimension.

Well, I got to hear some appreciation for my display-making abilities. The colorful display we made for banned books week was intriguing enough to lure people in this year. I believe I actually saw more people during an hour today than I did all week last week. I'll see if the trend on that one continues tomorrow.

In happier news, I would like to welcome Claudine to my department. With her adorable diaper, she is quite an addition to the family. She is also a great help in relieving stress. One can only hope she doesn't see too much weirdness with her one little eye or her blush will get deeper. Oh yes, I do need sleep. Thank you for observing that!

A friend is someone who allows you distance but is never far away. ~Noah benShea

True friendship is a plant of slow growth. ~George Washington

I have been quite productive in the past twenty-four hours. This is good since I will soon be consumed by the energy-sapping wild ride that is Breast Cancer Awareness month. Two co-workers who I admire and respect have conquered that particular affliction of the modern age recently, so I find some part of me appreciating the fact that women of the world are being reminded to take care of themselves and be aware of themselves. Without awareness, is there really a point to existence.

Of course, other events keep me running wildly in the upcoming month. Anyone who has heard me speak for more than thirty minutes has been made aware that I volunteer for a local charity at this time of year. It cuts into my exciting date life, but I am sure my dates don't mind too much. After all, Stepping Stones helps handicapped people in the area to have a sense of belonging to the community and provides them with some exciting oppirtunities to learn and have fun. In short, drop by Mylan Park any Friday or Saturday night, rain or shine, to help support the local volunteers who invest so much time putting together a show. You can have some spooky fun and support a good cause without driving a long distance, so just do it.

Anyway, last night I had to pass up the joys of dodgeball for the equal joy of black hands and chucking wadded newspapers at my friend's head. He may have felt a little overwhelmed since it was four against one, but he only complained when we whapped him in the face. This made whapping him in the face that much more fun.

Today has been spent doing what I do best on a Saturday. I listened to the rain. I observed the rain. I watched way too much television. Of course, I have practiced accomplishing a lot while sitting on my butt. I still have much to do and only so many hours left until I fall asleep. And with that, I go...

Miracles happen when you don't plan in advance. If you dot all your i's and cross all your t's then you will find no miracles. ~Satish Kumar

Money can't buy friends, but you can get a better class of enemy. ~Spike Milligan