It is critical once one decides to become a rock star to stick with it. You won't succeed if you don't have determination and tenacity. More importantly, you must have a wardrobe full of clothes to make jaws drop and heads turn. I know I have those. I wore one today, in fact, I saw quite a few heads turn. I even stared back at a few of them. They still couldn't look away. We are a society without shame, aren't we?

Another key trait of a rock star is a tendency to be hedonistic. With all that money coming in and various groupies to attend to, one must take time to enjoy life. I enjoyed life by eating far too much. It is a magical power of rock stars to make addictive substances disappear. I caused a bagel, some cake, a muffin, and a baby danish to disappear.

I also had a photo shoot, but the pictures were not up to my high standards. I still maintain that I look better in person than I ever could in a picture. Pictures just don't capture that sparkle in my eye. They also tend to make me look angry, stoned or tired. I have no idea how they do that. Ah well, more on the life of a rock star later.

Last night proved more eventful than I had anticipated. Originally, my plan was to stay home on the couch, but after staring at numerous bad photos of myself, I decided to take my quilt on the road. I know how President Waldron enjoys me joining his class and sitting quietly in the front row with quilt in hand, so I decided to finish piecing my current masterpiece in the Old Testament class. As yesterday was April Fool's, I also got to be fooled (Congrats, Amy) and unfooled. The only thing that could make the evening complete was some Girl Scout cookies (Thanks, Mitch) and a trip to the Roadhouse.

The Roadhouse is where our story gets interesting. We arrived at our customary time (after 9 for half-price appetizers) and were seated. Granted we were trickling in, but I noticed a flaw almost immediately. No rolls were to be found. Ten minutes later, the rolls were still at large. Sara and I became rather upset about this as we are both addicted to carbs (though she likes hers with ranch and I was not inclined to try this). However, declaring that we were about to recreate the French Revolution seemed to get results (or maybe the rolls had finally managed to free themselves from the oven). Of course, the subsequent problem was that she brought eight rolls for eleven people. I think we handled it pretty well and with minimal bloodshed and crying.

After a while, she finally took our order. We waited for our food to arrive, happily munching on peanuts and sipping water. After a while, our food finally found its way to our table. Well, most of our food arrived. One of our companions had to wait a bit more and console himself with even more peanuts. By the time his food showed up, the rest of us were mostly finished. No, we didn't leave him all alone to finish his meal or that bucket of peanuts.

Our next problem was that our checks did not seem to be forthcoming. We finally accosted another server to see what was going on. He said he would take care of it. He disappeared. Our waitress came back and was informed that someone else said they would take care of it. Apparently, neither of them checked with each other or gave us another thought. We waited some more. We watched many other large groups who had arrived after us finish up and pay (we aren't weirdos, we really didn't have much else to do). We also watched Rusty trim his nails and basically start to fall asleep on his wife's shoulder (totally adorable, btw). We learned that Xax has limited patience and when it is gone, you don't want on the receiving end. I also confirmed that I should not be allowed out of the house after a certain hour because I tell stories about things such as geology lab and that (while amusing to me) is not the best way to go. Obviously, we finally left after a discussion with the manager (at least 20 minutes after we had felt we should be happily paying our bill and choosing whether or not to tip our server well or at all.)

Onward and Upward

The rock star ways continued with offers of even more cake. Of course, it was the same jam-laced cake from yesterday, but I enjoy a cake party more than the average WVU fan enjoys a keg party. The difference is that I remember the cake party the next day and every time I put my tight pants on for the next few months.

In class we discussed war ("What is it good for?") That always leads to dark recesses and conversations about how people can lose sight of human decency in times of crisis. It amazes me how we can treat people with so little respect but expect them to respect us. Such is, however, the way we are turning right now.

A declaration on behalf of National Poetry Month: I have decided that I now like poetry. I just wish it was all set to music. So hum me a poem, okay?

Leap up from this page, fill hearts with emotion
Take these tender words, brew a sort of potion
Mix them with drumming heartbeats and find
That you have become more, beyond the mind
Of poet and reader, a star burns near the sun
We open up, let it in and know it has begun

The concert on this page is relived over again
It opens up the mind, denounces its own sin
For speaking of a wild and glorious disgrace
When the rock poured from lips, gave new place
To all the perceptions of how one can rock
And now the words come faster with no time to talk

So on the paper, we pour forth emotion still
That cuts as deep as any lyrics will
We just need the music to make them see
That we are paper rock stars, you and me
As we jot down our thoughts in verse and rhyme
Immortalizing feeling for all to hear in time.

So these are my brief bits of education from tonight's scavenger hunt:

1. I can find just about anything, but successfully filming it is another story.

2. No one has more fun in a ladies' room than men.

3. I actually can run, but I still can't keep up with long-legged people.

4. You can never find a police officer when you want one.

5. Many people won't let random strangers hug them no matter how attractive the random strangers are.

6. I miss dragging men around on leashes.

7. My friends have hidden talents for being monkeys, car washers, and burpers.

8. Little kids will not sing on cue.

9. I really can't understand stalkers. Lurking around the corner with a camera just feels creepy...

10. It is easier to make a complete fool of yourself if you have moral support.

All this is wasted on you, all that I have done
All that I said, all I gave since it was begun
All this is wasted on you, holding my breath, caring
All the tears I cried, the moments I was sharing
Because your eyes are dimmed by some shadow
You don't want to feel, don't want to know
What it is like to have someone be true to you
So I weep to see that this is all wasted on you.

"Shared joy is double joy and shared sorrow is half sorrow." ~Swedish Proverb

"The discontented man finds no easy chair." ~Benjamin Franklin

I am up for a good snuggle. If my snuggler really loves and respects me, I can snuggle for hours. However, my dear kitty has forgotten that I need sleep. So I have been spending lots of time at work with my mouth open in a wide, weary yawn. I have even given consideration to using toothpicks to hold my eyes open.

I have also come to the horrible conclusion that I have developed allergies. My eyes burn and sting. If I rinse them, they are happy for a while, but then they start up again. I am not looking forward to a life of taking allergy meds, so I shall see if I can tough it out. Maybe my body will stop having an overflow of histamine without chemical help.

The last thing I need when I am in one of my off moods is someone to prove me right. Of course, in trying to prove me wrong, they just prove me right. The day started with churlishness that my brain didn't need. I was attacked repeatedly simply because I can't be omnipresent and have no intention of playing hostess to other people's desires.

"Time spent laughing is time spent with the gods." ~Japanese Proverb

"Laughter is the sun that drives winter from the human face." ~Victor Hugo

"To be truly free is to clearly see the depths of life. This demands that you step to the edge of a slippery cliff. Few avoid falling over, and the bottom down below has no cushion." ~Cornel West

"One meets his destiny often in the road he takes to avoid it." ~French proverb

We had another of our famous dances tonight. They are so famous that we had about twelve people show up who weren't chaperones. Three of our boys (always that number--what gives?) showed up but wouldn't dance. They wouldn't even let me herd them into the circle and make them dance. Irony is me getting other people to dance in public when it makes me feel so nervous. Ah well, dancing wears me out, but I needed to use "irony" in a sentence tonight. Sweet dreams.

One of my real job perks is that if I don't take a vacation (because I have no idea what that is), I find myself needing to take random vacation days. Today was the perfect day for taking this opportunity. As one of my friends is in law school, she allows me to have opportunities to help out her other friends. I got the chance to do so by participating in a mock trial.

See, after I found out my husband was cheating on me, I called his other woman to express my feelings. As I am a redhead, my anger caused me to scream loud enough for her husband to overhear. This led to a series of events that led to her husband's death at my husband's hands. Of course, he was defending our lives at the time. The trial was to determine whether he was guilty. A few notes on the trial: 1. Sitting through a trial is arduous. 2. It's nice to have your husband confess his love for you under oath. 3. One can cause joy in the hearts of bonus jurors if one doesn't think about their skirt length when they sit on the witness stand *blush* (Three of the young men in the first row perked up and grinned widely as I sat down.)

After the trial, my husband and I decided to try to work out our marriage for the sake of our three children. We have decided to adopt a Cambodian child and give them a cool name like Rain. We'll have to keep you updated on that.

In other news, I should sleep, but sometimes it just doesn't work for me. I don't have enough hours in my day to be everything that I am. May your books be scrappy and your dreams sweet until I post again.

I can deal with any pain,
But this love may destroy me
For I can not believe I'm sane
I feel so much for a man I see
With a heart bigger than he knows
And a gentle side which shows
And pulls me closer than the smile
Or a voice I hear for a while
When dreams are close to falling
And I can't believe he is calling
I can deal with any harshness,
I can endear any words of cruelty
But I do not know if the press
Of this love will end me

It has been a long week. I have said little. I have little say here. I have little time to say it. I have so many projects running at once that I may have to start outsourcing my personal life to catch up.

My wick is lit at both ends, burning me away
Faster and faster with the passing of each day
In love, in life, in all that I dare to do
I come up with not enough time for you
So I watch the flames, feel them burn
And give up on some of that for which I yearn...

I keep searching for arms to find peace in
Arms that give release from all sin
But I keep finding myself back here
With no one to wipe away the tear
And pull me back into a world so scarred
I can not belong, I feel I am barred
From living and loving in all my purity
So I come to rest in the arms of me

How can I say what it is that I see
I can repeat trite phrases, try to be
Coy like so many before, but you must know
That I see something you does not show
Anywhere but inside your heart, where you
Still hold onto a pain we both knew
So well that it could tear us apart
Let me hold you, heal a broken heart
Give you a chance, help you to start
Appreciating yourself, feel the healer's art
That burns in me only because I care
More deeply than even these words share
How can I say what you need to hear
If you won't let me in, draw me near

In case you have forgotten, dear reader, it is poetry month. It has been a long month for me, but I have written little. Some secrets are best kept between hobbits and their cats though.

So I wake up most days in the world's most interesting soap opera. Today, I have a couple of little clips to share with the group.

My niece came to visit me today. I find that I am not as entertaining as I could be to those who are like miniature versions of me. However, she did show some extremely awesome qualities. Apparently, she enjoys Cheetos and chasing kitties with the intent to cuddle. She also exhibited some extreme diva qualities. She found a reflective surface in which she saw a lovely baby, so she gave the lovely baby a kiss. A little self-appreciation is a terrible thing to lose.

Later on in the day, I attended a cookout. Cookouts are breeding grounds for interesting occurrences. Well, it could just be because I have so many intriguing friends. Aside from more babies being content to let me hold them (as long as it was brief), I also had the joy of being licked and loved on by various puppies. One of whom recognized me from our walks and tried to lick my hand off. Don't worry. She failed. I still have two hands with which to type these journals.

Another of my friends has been getting quite a reputation. He seems to like smooching puppies. He also doesn't mind when they smooch him back. Today, he even tried to acquire some smooches through the sharing of a potato chip. Maybe this only amuses me.

As the evening drifted to a close, some of my friends acquired someone else's keys. The car of the second party then took a little spin. After an exciting wrestling match involving four guys and a set of keys, the first party's car was driven off by a third party. This led to random roaming in the dark and piggy back rides...

I also had a female friend announce quite loudly that I have sexy legs. I would have been amazed if other people hadn't been making similar random comments this week. Of course, I appreciated her commentary more somehow...

Another rainy day has been brought to us by the fickle goddess of spring. Had I taken that run my brain was encouraging at four in the morning, I may have prevented my car seat from getting super saturated with water. Apparently, I forgot that one must roll up their windows for locking their doors to do any good at all. Such is life though, isn't it?

"A gem is not polished without rubbing, nor a man perfected without trials." ~Chinese Proverb

"It is the wounded oyster that mends its shell with pearl." ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

I am a bad person because...

I can not be every where at once.
I can not do every thing I am asked to do by everyone.
I can not stop caring because you think you're unworthy.
I will not change my opinion to agree with people who are wrong.
I will not pretend to love someone I do not love.
I am incapable of lying even to save someone's feelings.
I am trustworthy and reliable in an untrustworthy world.
I have been known to think of myself from time to time.
I sometimes want to say "good morning" to the Grim Reaper.
I know a lot of things people don't believe I should.
I have been blessed with too many talents to make proper use of them all.
I am the female offspring of a family full of potential pin-up girls.
I think I am worth the fight.
I have been known to give second and third chances but not the fourth.
I do not respect people who do not respect me.
I will not sacrifice my faith for the egos of boys.
I can not bear to watch people hurt themselves.
I will not assist people in destroying each other.
I do not believe people should judge each other by their bodies.
I do not believe people should judge each other at all (unless it is in the court of law).
I do not believe it is right to break someone else to prove your power.
I tend to be far nicer to people than they deserve thus spoiling them.