I've spent many hours pondering what I would do if I ever found the time. We all do this. My list is long. As I said to a friend recently (and probably quoted here), "I want everything." I can't explain exactly what that means since I don't find myself wanting material things. I want experiences. I want memories. I make them every day, and I have gotten some interesting responses as I seek to make those memories.

First of all, it should be known that while cats love to give you unpleasant memories, they are by no means interested in being your entertainment. It all happens by accident. Unless they are senile (like Rodney), the odds of getting them to do anything just to amuse you are pretty slim. This just reminds me, of course, that I need to make video of some of Rodney's shenanigans.

Second, no memory will be quite as amusing as the one that is repeated. My nephew yesterday informed me that he wanted to be the green M&M for Halloween. Now, many of you will instantly realize she is the sexy one with the kid gloves, go-go boots, and eyelashes. Having seen the most recent M&M commercial for their indulgent, gourmet chocolates, this is even more amusing. He also wishes to date my niece's new kiss-and-tell Elmo. Ah, memories...

"The price of power is responsibility for the public good." ~Winthrop W. Aldrich (1885-1974)

"[M]aybe the purpose of being here, wherever we are, is to increase the durability and the occasions of love among and between peoples." ~June Jordan

I have often pondered how envious very bored people all over the world would be if they knew all of the wonders that my cat sees. This occurred to me earlier as I was down on my knees singing him a love song. I don't think hearing my voice would be particularly enviable, but everyone wants to be loved whether they admit it or not.

In random acts of love today, I left a few delicious peach pecan muffins for my friend today. I also fed the cats. I think I did more than my fair share for making the world a more loving place today. Tomorrow, I may have to try something more, but I probably won't--unless a particular person allows me to visit...

I know of three people with birthdays today. One is Charlie Sheen, which I learned on my way home. Don't underestimate the power of listening. Had I not been listening to the radio, I would have had to seek out birthday boys and girls all by myself. Yes, even I sometimes accept the research talents of others.

The second is a former friend of mine. Former from his own choice, of course. As always, I find no need to repeat this. Some things are not important. That is why I save the best for last.

My darling niece turned two years old today. She is still a year away from My Little Ponies, but she is old enough to smooch Elmo. Luckily, most of us are old enough to smooch Elmo if we would like.

As I could not spend time with her this evening, I spent some time with my nephew Parker and his mother. We ate some pretzels and some pizza and Parker said "please". In short, the letter of the day was "p". So I am considering getting a job with PBS. Can you see me on Sesame Street? Perhaps not. The Veggie Monster would have a relapse and become my favorite blue monster again. "C is for cookie and cookie is for me."

"The person who says it cannot be done should not interrupt the person doing it." ~Chinese Proverb

"Most of our problems can be solved. Some of them will take brains, and some of them will take patience, but all of them will have to be wrestled with like an alligator in the swamp." ~Harold Washington (1922-1987)

The world, like me, is in a constant state of flux. The world tends to be less impatient about it than I am, however. I find myself amazed over and over again how people don't think that certain behaviors are going to cause a change.

"This people will stand mobbing, robbing, poverty, and all manner of persecution, and be true. But my greater fear for them is that they cannot stand wealth; and yet they have to be tried with riches, for they will become the richest people on this earth." ~Brigham Young

Okay. I couldn't resist the random reference to Howie Mandel. Of course, I liked him best when he had a curly mop of hair and was featured in comedies such as "Walk Like a Man" and "Little Monsters". I have a weakness for humor. It helps me deal with the fact that, most of the time, the world in which we live isn't really amusing.

Sometimes, we just expect people to follow along with our grand plan for life. This isn't a problem for those of us who are just trying to wing it right now. I admit I do have a billion projects in the works and I am trying to get them done, but right now, I am not planning too far ahead. I just don't feel it is wise. I can feel the constant storms (Hannah, Ike, etc.) blowing around us and shaking things up. We all have our personal storms that are going to sweep us off our feet and set us back down in a place we do not understand (even if it happens to be the same place we were whisked away from).

I hate that such a smile is not meant for me
I am supposed to be content, be happy
With what I have chosen, but I did not choose
For you were never my lady to lose
So I envy that smile and the man who makes it
And wish that it was me that breaks it
When the smile fades and the tears slowly stream
I wish I could hold you, make it all seem
So far away, heal that heart over again
But I was never destined to be loved, to win
The love of this lady who strikes the right chord
Though she doesn't seek it, find my love a reward
And now I stand weeping, as she smiles that smile
Knowing someone else holds the heart of my denial

And some days, I wonder, "whose mind did that come from?" I know the words are mine, but the feelings are not. While I have six wives, I actually long for the day when they will find men worthy of them. I look forward to celebrating at their weddings and assuring their husbands that if they make my ladies cry, I will not like them anymore. I don't believe the threat is necessary as my women are beyond respectable and admirable, but we live in a strange world and I like to cover my bases.

Speaking os strange worlds, I have finally begun to obey the commands of my third and fourth wife. I have begun reading the "Twilight" series. I know that the fact that I had not already devoured these books is shocking. I mean, after all, they are books about vampires. I have a long history of interest in all things vampiric from cloaks, to fangs, to RPGs, so I should have dug into these books ages ago. I was just waiting patiently for the library to acquire them so I could check them out. The last thing I need is to add four lengthy novels to the collection of books that I already have.

My thoughts on the first book thus far? Well, the story isn't too bad. It kind of makes me think of a cross between "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" and "10 Things I Hate About You"--both of which I like. I also thinkI already have more than my fair share of Edward Cullens. I should point out I have barely topped page one hundred. At this point, he is still avoiding Bella (okay, okay, so I totally love the main character's name--call me a narcissist--I already do) to protect her from the evil that he believes himself to be while secretly adoring her beyond all reason...Oh yeah, should I have warned of spoilers. Sorry, kids. I do that.

It may be a sign of too much "Touched by an Angel" or too much reflecting on my life that brings me to such an important conclusion. It is important for each of us to realize this for ourselves. Of course, sometimes we refuse to realize what is right in front of our face.

If I had a dollar for every time that someone tried to lie to me to make themselves believe, I'd be able to buy a duplicate of myself for the cats to annoy. I don't have that money, but I would have earned more this week. I could talk about that, but I think my readers like to be left in the dark. That way they can make up their own highly unlikely scenarios...

So I spent the weekend in the company of some of the most wonderful people in the tri-state area (and beyond). I met people from Michigan, Pennsylvania, West Virginia, Ohio, and even California. I think I even found a potential seventh wife. She did say she came back just for me and the kisses...

All bad humor aside, it was quite a wonderful weekend. Despite the deja vu (which was creeping me out until I decided that it meant that I was where I was meant to be), I feel I learned a lot this weekend. Of course, with all knowledge comes the responsibility to grow. So what did I learn?

I learned that I still haven't got beyond finding people for having no desire to develop some of the qualities in myself that I actually admire. The key one of these being my willingness to fight for the things that I feel are important. Sometimes those fights are played out inside my head. Sometimes I just put forth that extra bit of effort to have fun even when the grumble monster wants to come crash the party. (Cookies, ice cream, and awesome friends keep the grumble monster at bay).

I was also reminded again that whether they realize it or not, people are drawn to those who love them. Being the goddess of love, I love just about everyone. That doesn't mean I want to marry them or even touch their hand. It means I respect them as a person and wish them the best. (Facebook tells me my wishes for one of those people seems to be coming around--rock on hobbits.)

I also got to hear a well-respected lady from the LDS church talk on a subject that I frequently get on my soapbox about. She spoke briefly on the fact that we have forgotten how to socialize with people. We can text people thousands of miles a way yet find no time to speak to people who are right there with us. I didn't answer my phone at all this weekend (well, except to respond to a text message that needed a response due to the potential loss of organs...) I promptly went and practiced my social skills by changing in a parking lot. I made a new friend who ran interference for me (though it wasn't needed--some of us have mastered changing in public without giving anyone a heart attack or a thrill).

I also practiced my participation and self-embarrassment by reading a poem to a roomful of near strangers (most of my friends were elsewhere). I was assured that it was a good poem, so that was reassuring. I am still fighting my issues with poetry. Luckily, poetry.com reminds me every day that they love my poetry (by offering to sell me something--two e-mails this week).

I could say so much more, but then I won't get sleep which I assure you I need....

The only flaw to a weekend of fun is that I get behind on my many assigned tasks. I haven't read a single word of New Moon since Friday. My third wife is disappointed in me. I must find some time to read at least a few pages this week (if not finish it). I even had a rousing discussion with a co-worker about Twilight which made me feel less pressured since she didn't seem anxious to dive into book two. Then I looked at this journal and noticed the complete lack of updates last week. Something has to give. How do I find time for all the activities and people I love???

I spend way too much time thinking. I ponder the changes I see in me. I ponder the inability to change in the world around me. I am lost in eternal contemplation of where I am going as opposed to where I have been. I know I have been in the darkest depths of Hell that man can make. I know I am heading (rather slowly) toward happiness that none of us could ever contain, explain, or understand.

I don't have to explain this. Even if I did, most people would still be lost and confused. Why? Because even my thoughts aren't normal. I don't mind this so much. If I were normal or average, I would not accomplish as much as I do. I base this assertion on observing other people take the most time they can to accomplish a simple task. They do the equivalent of taking cereal out of a box one by one instead of pouring it into a bowl and wonder why it takes them three hours to get breakfast.

Of course, I type this as I watch the beginning of a show. I have already seen how it ends, but I want to see how it got there. I seem to do that a lot. I know where I am going, but I don't know how I am getting there. It makes life a lot more exciting...