Well, the time of the tree has ended. Santa made his rounds and brought great joy to all the boys and girls. The children elves get their three months off before they start work on next year's treasures. Santa may be magical, but love brings more magic out of toys than anything else in the world.

Now comes the time for me to thank all of Santa's little helpers for delivering special gifts from their hearts. I should start by saying something else though. *clears her throat and begins to sing*

That's right folks. Send love letters and fan mail to her fan club and they will be forwarded to her immediately (fanklubz at meowmail dot com). I hope her birthday is a good one. Anyway, on to the thank yous.

A thanks I give to dear Miss Kewl
For a hobbit journal: you rule
Thank you, Mezon, for giving Niobie new life
We may be engaged, she wants to be my wife
Faith and the Lovely Lady Shelby
Gave candy and kitty cat toe socks to me
And Jenn and Scott gave me Legos
Yoda and vanilla scents to my nose
More scents came from my dear friend Karnsy
Endless love to make my life smell pretty
Other gifts, I have yet to receive
But I hope in my face that they'll perceive
The thank you that wasn't posted here
Because all my friends are equally dear

Some of the newer holiday movies have prompted people to inquire after Santa's position. He is already high in the sky as I begin this entry, making his rounds of joy around the world. Obviously, the services of stand-in Santas and others who aspire to bring such joy are not needed this year. He does feel that he should be fair and help the interested parties understand how much work goes into being so much to so many people, even if his efforts are only realized once a year. The following quiz should set these questions to rest.

If you can not give a resounding and sincere yes to all of these questions, you are not quite ready for life as Santa. Give respect to the big guy and just be the bringer of Christmas joy to those most dear to you. I hope you all remembered to leave all sorts of goodies for Santa and his reindeer. Theirs is a weary job, and they need your love and support to keep up their spirits.

This little hobbit has spent a busy day with friends, so she shall be slipping off to bed soon. I got to go shopping with the Lovely Lady Shelby. We found some last minute gifts for the little dears in our lives and I found something astonishingly perfect for Miss Kewl's upcoming birthday. We also made chocolate covered pretzels. Yes, they were yummy *burps rudely*. Sorry about that:)

Then I got to spend time with my pseudo-sister Karnsy, her husband, their three delightful boys, and the missionaries. Missionaries are cool people to hang out with--believe it or not:) We ate and ate and ate some more, admiring Karnsy's ability to make so much delicious food in only one day. Of course, stuffing all of that in my round belly encourages me to sleep, so I am going to listen to the Mormon Tabernacle Choir a little more and then slip off to dreamland. Merry Christmas, darlings:) May you all awake to presents of love and peace piled under your trees.

Santa asked me to remind you of the true story of Christmas. His delivery of presents is only a reflection of three wise men who traveled across the desert on that first Christmas to deliver presents to a babe in swaddling clothes. It is not always what you bring that matters, but more the love that you give with it. This does not mean you can buy one dollar figurines for your friends that do not in anyway reflect their personalities and say, "It is the thought that counts" without expecting to be slapped, however, so shop responsibly.

As the educated movie-goers know, a movie detailing the history of some of my greatest heroes was recently released. That's right, the second LoTR movie came out on Wednesday. I was there at midnight, snuggled up to my own velvet cloak and gazing up in admiration and wonder. Ah, Sam--he makes me want to change my name to Rose. If you don't understand, you are not up on your hobbit lore.

I have been busy helping Santa spread joy and love. Only a few more days until he soars up into a starry sky and circles the globe, dropping off presents to all the good little girls and boys. I know that my little ones are excited. Rodney and Ziggy have already begun the pre-holiday celebration. I even think I heard them singing Christmas carols this morning as I was wandering through the hall toward the kitchen.

Well, not much to see here and so much material to convert. I'll catch you on the flipside, dears.

I got to run Santa's help desk today since I don't work on Tuesdays and Thursdays. I hope that changes by next week. Even though I do so enjoy helping out the jolly one, I could use a real work week. I did enjoy being tech support to all the adorable little elves though. They called me on a variety of subjects: which picture of Tux to put on Linux CDs, the best colors for bedlahs, the best DVDs to buy me this year, how best to accent gift baskets, and whether or not I will marry their father because they have wanted a mommy just like me since their mother died. The elves really are the cutest.

Nothing too thrilling has occurred in my dull little soap opera. I added another page to my love letter. Those who love themselves sometimes find the words flowing faster than they can type. Surely, some of my wonderful readers know how that goes. I know you have love letters to yourselves under your pillows. Go get them out and read them with a smile.

I also got to have another fun altercation with my dear friend Ziggy. She was leaning against my leg and decided to hover her cute, little nose over my enter key. Every time I tried to hit the enter key, she rubbed her nose against my finger, wanting me to scratch it no doubt. I finally told her to go away as I was conversing with multiple people at the time and needed to whack that particular key. I only hope she forgives me before I sneak off to bed. She makes an incredible blanket for one so small. Sweet dreams, darlings.

Merry Leaping Christmas and a critical day to you all. I have been informed that my journal is boring--take a little peek at the top of the window it is in. That's right, I already know this. Pardon me for not having an exciting life full of sex, drugs, rock'n'roll and gratuitous violence. I will certainly work on that if my friends tell me it is wise. After all, I would not want to make such a critical error without having someone else to blame.

Friends--those mythical creatures. I do have a few of them. The rest of my so-called friends need to stop sharpening their knives and pull the daggers from my heart. If I die, with whom who will you play thy wonderful games? Not that it matters that I tired of such games 15 years ago. Yes, fifteen lovely years and layer upon layer has been added to the tarball of my world. Makes for lovely poetry though. I have poured hours of tears into the beauty that falls in rhyme. Just like everyone else in America, I have received poetry.com's praises for my lovely verse. Ah!!! NOOOOOOOOOO!!! I really am normal.

Still not interesting? Well, those quick to make assumptions about me, may not wish to proceed, but I shall try to make it interesting. Let me mix you a cocktail in the fashion of Poe or perhaps just a facsimile of pain that renews itself, trying to drag one back into the mud that mires them. No worries, I shall be renewed in the morning. After all, I have a nice fat batch of gingerbread to devour by myself, and two cats, darling friends who love me. (Not just because I feed them--I've just got Cat-Be-Bella's perfume that they love.) Ah, my friends, my true friends, may you find your blessings eternally renewed for giving me the will to keep sucking air pollution into my lungs and nourishing my body on food additives and preservatives. Those who only have a tenuous claim on my friendship, may you someday find the strength and respect to become a true friend, for I have been no less to you.

FRIENDS

The wall goes up, the tears fall down
But my friends are not to drown
In bitter salt or brackish mire
In their defense I never tire
Though my own walls long crumbled
Leave me open to pain so jumbled
One does not begin before another ends
In the end who are my friends
These wraiths who haunt me, crying still
In my pain, they got no thrill
And in losing me, they alone knew
Even skin of stone is worn through

Cliffs cascade and my heart falls
The sky glimmers, the sun dulls
Swept away on a sea of pain
How could I think to be so vain
To toss aside that which I need
My life's blood slowly to bleed
From a heart that none could see
Older than time, ripped by hate
Turned to defend, as if by fate
Those who no other dared view
In the form that was eternally true
In perfection that no mortal owns
And no demoness' love condones

My hobbit phone did not jingle this morning. Apparently, I get weekends off. Isn't Santa the best employer in the world? Well, we won't discuss that--my other employers might think I don't love them. The elves did send me a lovely e-mail. They even sent me pictures of some of the toys they are working on. All the good little boys and girls will be beyond delighted beyond compare when they open these packages on Christmas morning.

Following last night's lovely evening, a day at home was just what every hobbit needs. That and about seven square meals a day. I got to hang out with my cats, talk to my mommy on the phone, and even converse with the famous Miss Kewl. I also got to work on love letter to me. It is progressing slowly. I hope it reaches epic proportions because that will show how much I love me. Well, darlings, if anything eventful happens, I'll let you know unless I don't have the time. Keep dancing.

The time has come for you to recognize the power and authority of elves working together with hobbits, men, and dwarves. That is why I carry a water pistol full of happiness. Watch out or I will slip down your chimney and shoot you with it. You will be so overcome that you will begin singing to me in the most melodious voice (that is those of you who don't already serenade me regularly). Santa is still looking around for new projects to get me involved in. Its so nice to see that he appreciates the hobbit genius that is Bella.

I spent most of the day with the microfiche. We danced. We caroused. We wiggles. We giggled. Then they slipped into their pretty cabinets and went to sleep. Then I came home and vegged on my floor. After all, being everything to so many people and microfiche is hard work.

After that, I attended a little soirée with my friends. We had a wonderful time, passing around presents and giggling over the joys of hanging with shiny people. Well, it is about 3am (and I must be lonely), so I am gonna go to sleep with those beautiful children that you call cats. Sweet dreams. (BTW, my coffin talk yesterday was a joke--no funerals for this beauty in the near future. There is something for you to smile about!!!)

I usually get pensive when it snows. I peek out the window, watching it accumulate and thinking thoughts like, "A few more feet and I am trapped in here." "A few more inches and it is the Cabin Fever play list for the rest of the night." This year those worries shall not plague me. As a special attaché to Santa, I can be whisked away at any moments by special business. I don't have a chimney to float up, but if Santa clicks his fingers, I find myself dressed in a red fur-trimmed gown, standing on my roof next to some reindeer and a red sleigh. Today, for instance, they woke me up early to join some little elves in the sewing room. Oh the beautiful shirts and pants some of the good little boys and girls will be receiving this year. Maybe, I will get to knit tomorrow to bring joy to sweater enthusiasts.

When I woke up, I couldn't help feeling Christmassy. I didn't know why until I finally looked out the window and saw all that fluffy, white stuff. No, my famous cat did not shed that much--it snowed. In the interests of gift-givers everywhere, I braved that white mess to deliver some turkey and treats to some dear friends of mine. One of them seemed greatly appreciated while the other just seemed like they think it is my job to be nice to them. They better pay me a little more if this is a job--I don't do pro bona. Not until I become a famous lawyer anyway.

As you can tell from my cheerful disposition, I am ready to go jump off a cliff and meet the big guy. You know what, I even found the perfect casket. I think people may be going to far. For future reference: throw me in a pine box and bury me in the woods. No need to embalm me either. I don't want a bunch of people standing around talking about how alive I look when I am dead. Okay, okay. No worries, I will be here for a long while, kids. I am off to watch more television and ponder what people would do without the Internet.

I got together with some of the elves whose jobs you probably believe that I usurped. We had a healthy little chat over dinner. They are anxious about making sure that all of the goodies we produce in Santa's famous workshop are perfect. This inspires them to give us advice whenever they get the chance. During our meal, we also discussed how we can thwart the child protectors who are shattering their young dreams. We realized that people that anal would certainly not believe in elves and hobbits, so they must be joking. Now the elves can return to the workshop. As a hobbit, I choose to continue helping them because all this do-gooding is rather addictive.

As I traversed through another normal day in the life of Bella, I made a realization. Some of the people in my world seem to want to get my goat. I don't know why they want it--it smells funny and is male so they can't make cheese. Well, I am not going to let them get my goat. He is staying with me, and you weirdos can go play your games with someone else's livestock.

I also reached another realization. Around the holidays, people tend to get depressed (suicidal even). A good reason for this phenomenon has occurred to me. It results from trying not to waste the extra food leftover from all those meals. The more leftovers you have, the more they seem to be haunting your nightmares. Depressing, eh? Talk to you later, I have to get this turkey before it gets me.

After attending a meeting of the Committee for Laboring Child Elves, I was sent on a special mission. I got to quality check a special section of gifts. It appears that many people expect to get presents that scream, "You stink! Take a bath and cover it up!!!" These people have resulted in the creation of a whole new section of Santa's Workshop where soaps and perfumes pour out into beautiful bottles. Then the elves (or hobbits until we clear up this lawsuit) put them into baskets with poof balls and wrap them in shiny plastic. These beautiful baskets are then distributed to the needy. I am sure, by the amount of lotion and soap in my bathroom, that I will be rewarded with some of these beauties this holiday season.

After I tested some of these beautiful products, the reindeer jetted me back to my house. Testing soap got me in a cleaning mood, so I scrubbed down parts of my house. Then I watched more educational programming with the cats. The cats have been envious ever since I got this new position with Santa, but they seem to be coping well. They may have even forgiven me by now.

Then I took a little trip to Waldo-Mart where I pick up my own soapy stuff since the presents haven't rolled in yet. I also picked up Lilo and Stitch. You know I can't resist movies about my fellow aliens. He can crash my animated feature film any time that he wants. Of course, I had to spend some time with Miss Kewl. We laughed it up dwarf style and then I snuck off to my home where I now sit, filling you in on the joy of my day and trying to warm my toes.

Think about Santa. Think about the height of his elves. Think about Legolas standing next to some hobbits. Do you see what I am getting at? Yes, Santa's elves are only children. Though they volunteer their time out of the goodness of their hearts, sometimes disguising themselves with fake beards, children's rights activists have caught onto the ruse and insist that they can no longer work to make toys for other children to enjoy.

In his time of need, Santa has called upon me for my short stature and my creative know-how. He has asked me to construct wonderful gifts to be distributed to those who are worthy of them. The only drawback to this is that he insists I wear these ridiculous pointy ears. They look wonderful on the elves, but they just don't do my beautiful face justice.

It's been a regular day in the life of Bella, full of microfiche and cabinets. Not to mention shininess and giggles. Such is life, now I have a special gift. In the words of REM, twisted Bella style, "This one goes out to the Waura I wuv":

1. Copey--Always there to tell people to deal and cope instead of dwelling on their problems.
2. Dopey--Suffers from a severe addiction to video games that gives him that not-too-bright, doped up look.
3. Hopey--Ever hopeful that things will turn out perfect.
4. Mopey--Spends his time lamenting some tragic loss and shuffling around the cottage despondently.
5. Nopey--No matter what the question is, this contrary little fellow has the perfect answer, "No."
6. Popey--Always pious and virtuous, this little guy wears a funny hat and a large ring.
7. Soapy--Cleaning is the most important part of this little fellow's life, causing him to continuously leave a trail of soap suds in his wake.

Another month has started and now I must speak to you again. Yes, I know that my public awaits. I am sorry for my lack of replies. The turkey got its revenge by making me sleep a lot. This cut into my journal updating time, so you were punished too by the mighty turkey. Beware the turkey!!!

The turkey's day is done and Santa's swiftly approaches. Bright red and green decorations are popping up all over the place. Houses are dressed in suits and dresses of multi-colored lights that twinkle and blink and race wildly. A miniature village covered in snow has sprouted in my living room. No tree could survive my cats, and, besides, my mommy didn't donate a tree to my Christmas decorations.

Santa appreciated my first missive and asked me send another one as soon as possible. Amazing that the jolly fellow would request more missives at this time of year, but perhaps I will surprise him. Not tonight though. I have some cleaning and tidying to do before bed.