We remember that we have come from somewhere. We remember that we are here with a purpose. We remember that our feet should always stay on the narrow path, side by side, slowly moving forward except when we turn for a moment to wrap our arms around someone else's shoulders and help them along. We love unconditionally. We remember what it is like to sometimes compare our lives to the one we could have had. Somehow in all of this some of us get lost. Have I lost her as so many already have without seeing her slip away? Have I cast her aside? Is she still weeping though she seems so calm?

It is all saints day and the candy has been passed out. The children are still riding the sugar rockets of fun. My dancing feet still ache to dance anew, but I find I have no desire to go dancing at the dance clubs. I like being able to take off my shoes and free my hobbit toes without worrying they might get dipped in cheap beer or something worse. I also don't like the idea of someone invading my dance space. There is only so close that two bodies can get before it feels more like an invasion than a dance. Anyone have any suggestions for me? I can't afford dance classes and I don't think I can talk many people into a dance party.

So I woke up early and voted. ("Vote early, vote often.") How I voted is, of course, within the dictates of my own heart to decide. I expect no criticism for it, and quite frankly, have not enjoyed the not-so-subtle pushing of some people around me to vote like them. I accept the fact that other people's hearts, minds, and parents encourage them to vote a certain way and don't push my personal judgments on them though I would discuss it if it weren't one of those taboo topics that leads to anger because I do not yield once I have rationally reached a decision. I do think about some of the things I do and say. It is why I sometimes get frustrated when I think about something for a couple of days, present it to a group of people and they tell me I am wrong without even listening to my reasons. Sadder still, the end result is that we use my plan anyway, but I have less time to implement it.

Then, of course, another taboo topic came to my doorstep while I was taking my post-voting, pre-house cleaning nap. Some ladies knocked on my door to talk to me about religion. I don't know about the rest of you, but sometimes when I wake up from a nap I can be a bit of a zealot for whatever topic comes up. In this instance, they asked me if I thought God was doing anything to end the wars we see all around us. Being the devout and sleepy Latter Day Saint that I am, I informed them that I believe the coming forth of the Book of Mormon was a means to that end. Of course, we are also responsible for following the doctrines it teaches (yes, with the Bible) and behaving like sensible and loving daughters and sons of our Heavenly Father. And so often I seem to lose sight of that. *shakes head* But who has not been guilty of that from time to time?

So last night I was firmly trounced at Risk again. The Mrs. was the winner of the game though, so I can bask in her glory. *cheers for the Mrs.* This was part of our exciting post election fun. We also watched a movie entitled The Best Two Years, which I confess I missed part of. I haven't been feeling quite like part of the inner circle for a while and when the main part of the group is the inner circle, I can think of less offensive places to be ignored than in a room full of my "friends". It doesn't really matter in the long run. My heart just bleeds a little now and then to think we can treat each other so cruelly.

I will recover. I will recover and continue to kidnap rogue Miss Kewls from the Institute and make them sip Italian steamers while I eat a sandwich. Sometimes bumping into friends randomly is awesome. In fact, I highly recommend it. Of course, I also highly recommend not breathing deeply in a building filled with paint fumes. My nose has not been too kind to me as of late. I have been plagued by an incredible ability to smell. Of course, I am far more aware of my surroundings than even I let on sometimes.

Of course, when I take naps in the middle of the day, I do lose a bit of my awareness. Ah, but the sweet joy of sleep. I try to surround it with as much random activity as possible. Thus I have repaired a few things, cleaned a little, and basically watched too much television this evening in an attempt to catch up with all the stuff that piled up last month. Anyway, back to that. Have a good one.

So I keep finding myself back in the sticky mire of what people think of me. Most of them don't see me at all. Yet they all think they know me so well. Kind of odd since I have been called everything from a witch to a saint, demon to an angel, gorgeous to plain, sexy to disgusting, stupid to incredibly intelligent, reliable to a big let down, child to crone. So what am I? If you care, you might want to find out before you lose your chance.

That's not a threat. It really isn't. Someday, however, I know I am going to come to my senses and walk away from all the people and their mis-perceptions of me. More than that, I think I would like to walk away from the people I know love me despite my many flaws (which some are quick to point out to me or create for me so they can try to save my soul.) Don't worry, the ones who try to save my soul haven't found this little treasure or they'd try harder and annoy me more. It just seems that I hurt those I care about, and I am tired of watching that. I am tired of so many things, but, as always, I must keep that to myself. On to other things. That was a just a small warning for those who care.

All should be loved based on their merits. The purest love is one that accepts who you are and is willing to love you as you change. Real love does not require you to change who you are unless you desire to change yourself. In this world, I have spent far too much time watching people bend every way except the right way to try and make someone else fall in love with them. I am lovable the way I am. I know that I am. I have many loyal friends to prove it. So for those who would find fault with me, I feel only sorrow for you.

After spending some time with my lovely ladies and a few boys last night, I took a little drive in the hobbitmobile. Given how long it took to warm up my car, driving that short distance seemed ridiculous, so I went for a little ride. Nothing too exciting. After all, I am here typing into my journal in my frosty home. That must have made it happy because when I woke up early this morning it only took me fifteen minutes to warm up my car and head out to the mall.

I ended up buying a nail care kit. Now my nails are very shiny, so I can stare at them when I am bored. I didn't even have to polish them to get them this shiny. I think I really am turning into a female. In no time at all, I will be tossing my hair and oohing and ahing over a million shades of eyeshadow. Okay, if I start doing that, please put me out of my misery. It's bad enough that when I get bored on Sunday morning I play with my random collection of make-up.

Anyway, I spent the rest of the day trying to repair some October damage. In other words, I scrubbed my house, called some people and tried to get some things in order. Speaking of, more of that awaits me. Have a good one.

In the ongoing effort to clean up my life, I am still squeezing in as much church as possible. Yes, I am a zealot. I am, however, a zealot who bakes cookies and that makes all the difference. Every zealot who bakes cookies brings happiness to those around them, not to mention themselves. So the more positive and happy I let myself be, the more the dirt will roll off of me. What dirt? The dirt of feeling like a piece of meat under inspection. *shudder*

When every inch of you is covered except your hands and face, it is disturbing to hear cat calls. It is more disturbing to turn back to one of your friends and see a semblance of evil in their eyes. Of course, I could just be imagining these things. Luckily, I am not alone in being admired by men with issues. In other words, the boys tend to bounce between ladies and I fall below their gaze. This has been a good thing in the past, so I will count it as a blessing. Anyway, sweet dreams and remember that all people should be treated with respect from your words to the gaze you let fall on them.

Sing a song of pipeweed, pocket full of pie
Ten and twenty hobbits, baking before your eye
When the door is opened, hobbits begin to sing
Now isn't this a rhyme that doesn't mean a thing?

The bees were buzzing in the hive, making their honey
The hobbits were just outside, planning something funny
While Sauron was in Mount Doom, plotting the demise
Of all those cute hobbits, which wasn't very wise

What can I say? It was another typical Monday. Aside from one friend getting online to excitedly tell me that he was talking to me from Richmond, it was nothing out of the ordinary. I fiched and caught so many sexy fiche. You wouldn't believe the size of the ones I threw back.

I also dropped in on the lunchtime Institute class. Here's an odd contrast to the norm though: I sat in the front row and actually responded without too much prompting. Class went pretty well despite the wonderfully low tones of the four of us singing a hymn. All the boys sat in the back, probably afraid of me frowning at them because I am mean. Or perhaps they can't hear well from too close. Who knows?

So we started another fun healthy program at work. This one requires that I pick a new activity to add into my healthy regime each day. Today, I have decided to start an exercise journal. I am not keeping enough journals as it is. I would just tack things on here, but people might get freaked out by entries such as "deskercising with desk gnomes" and "dancing with my cat". Sorry to disappoint.

I did go to Monday Mormon Moments this evening, however. I had the lesson which didn't go so well despite my attempt to draw a Cheshire cat. I don't know why I volunteer for these things. I hate speaking in public. My cake went over well though. In fact, my car now smells like cake. Mmm. I wonder how long that potpourri will last. Anyway, off I go into the wild world of sports. Have a good one.

The path twists. The path turns. The path brings us back to where this story began. The path twists. The path turns. The path brings us back to where this story began. The path twists. The path turns. The path brings us back to where this story began. The path twists. The path turns. The path brings us back to where this story began. Eventually, however, the story must go on. The story must move forward and that is why sometimes a part of it ends. That is why sometimes the words no longer flow though the tears do. That is why sometimes even the web diva must turn and walk away.

It's been a rainy, dreary day, quite the contrast to the absolutely beautiful weather we had yesterday. I am glad the weather was so lovely yesterday. My good friends the missionaries and some other happy, shiny people were out and about trying to spread happiness. Of course, some other people were advertising ladies' night. More examples of all things in opposition--like hobbits in cloaks trying to live in a world that can't really accept them, never could, and never will.

Should the rain stop, however, the excitement of the week can continue with a huge bonfire. We are not burning people at the stake--just hot dogs and marshmallows. In the meantime, check out some thoughts that aren't from me: A, B C.

So the rain last night canceled out our bonfire. Some of us still made it out to have some fun and spend time with other wonderful people. The rest of you should be jealous.

I love it when you see me, darlings. Bumping into you really does brighten my day. Of course, I feel bad when you are the vultures circling around the computers, waiting for a place to plop down and hook on the internet IV. *drip drip drip* At the same time though, I like to see your faces light up to see me. Of course, some people do glare at me, but that's okay, too. I can always find amusement in unfounded detestation and disrespect. I deal with it so much, I might as well laugh at it.

So I spent lots of quality time at the library today. I even got to answer questions on the subject that I love best: microfiche. It's always good to be recognized for my special talents. I do seem to be collecting talents after all. Not much else to report though or lack of asleep making my brain and hands stop cooperating. Anyway, more on the morrow, perhaps?

To add to interesting descriptions of me, I was described as Elvira and a school marm by the same person in the same conversation. I find this an intriguing contrast. I do find that the cloak does really make people stare. They want to know, but they are so afraid that if they ask, my wrath will fall upon them. Or perhaps they just don't feel worthy of the chick in the cloak. I just love the cloak. It keeps me warm. It is made of velvet. It flows about me like a cloud. Most importantly, it has been all the rage of hobbits for generations. Come on, people, get with the program.

I find it harder and harder to drag myself out of bed. My paltry entry from last night was what little I could drag out of my fuzzy brain after my phone rang enough times to get me up to make dinner and catch a couple of shows before tapping something out and crawling back under my quilt. I think it was my body trying to heal itself though because the week started with unbearable sinus pressure and yesterday I woke up at three in the morning feeling unhealthy. Despite that this morning I felt fine after my hours and hours of sleep.

Sleep is, of course, one of my passions though, so I could go on about it for hours. I really don't have much else to talk about or much anyone wants to hear about. November has been a calm month. Calm and yet still I want to run through the nudist hobbit fields, completely naked from my head to my sexy hobbit feet. Of course, in these fields I wouldn't have to worry about people taking advantage of my nudity or even thinking things they should not. In my mind, obviously, people are much more worthy of my trust and affection than they have ever proved to be.

I just tire of people assuming I am a pawn on their chessboard. Simply because I love you doesn't mean that you can keep abusing that love without something eventually severing that bond. I got an e-mail yesterday that floored me. The sender wanted to know if they had said something wrong. They simply hadn't replied to my last e-mail. I can't even remember what I sent them. We're turning into a world where communication is a laborious process, love should be had in only twenty minute intervals, and people love to say one thing and do another. For instance, when I hit on boys that I only look at as really good friends, I am not seriously wanting them to wrestle with me, marry me, or even try to hold my hand. I fear I am drawing too deep into myself for that to be anywhere in my future even if Mr. Right really is admiring me from a distance (and sometimes close up).

Anything is possible, particularly in dreams. In my dreams, however, my brain is prepping itself for the joys of the holidays. I will be hosting Thanksgiving at my house this year. Yes, darlings, this means there will be no talk of George Foremaning a turkey. Although those memories will definitely last a lifetime. Despite the ramblings above and my weird dreams, today has been an average day in the life of a sexy web diva whose alter-ego is a dull and frumpy librarian. I woke up and decided to deck myself in blue and go to work. I played with microfiche. Microfiche played with my heart strings. I had lots of carrots with my lunch (obviously due to my infatuation with the bunny from the Counting Crows video).

So we had a fun evening of taffy pulling. Of course, it turned into hard tack and those of us who tried pulling it tended to burn our poor little fingers. So my cute little thumb hurts a little bit, but I got to grease up my hands and crack jokes about catching pigs. Anyway, I can't begin to fill you in on the joy that you missed. You need to smile and make it out to these wild parties more often.

Confessions. True confessions. I believe something may have snapped in my brain, My car is having similar problems. I swear the fuel pump is a little off. Some days I hit the gas and get nothing and others it plays Speedy and goes whizzing forward (not good on the nasty wet pavements around here, let me tell you.) Ah, but the rain is so intriguing. I seriously considered running through it this evening, wanting for a second to be a little girl again. I think I missed my childhood and seeing so much youth in those around me makes realize that somewhere I became a woman when I should have still been a girl.

I spent the day in my normal habitat--the library. I vanquished many fiche. I went to a most exhilarating meeting. I now know who from the department gets a gift selected by a hobbit. Let's hope my brain fixes itself before I go shopping. Although, potential for an amusing gift lies at my fingertips when my brain is whacked out.

I then came home and made a brief jaunt around the house. This means I worked on a quilt and folded some clothes before washing some dishes. Then, I wandered outside to play footsies with the hobbitmobile on my way to the great chili cookoff of November 2004. I decided to just mix all the chili's together since I came too late to be nominated as a judge. Then I plied myself with sugar, came home to find an AC/DC concert for my roommate to watch and then went back out again to watch a movie with three guys. Yeah, it sounds more scandalous and exciting than it is. I refer you back to previous entries about Boys' Club.

Anyway, before I lose all inhibitions and go for that nudist dance in the rain, I better slip under the covers. Have sweet ones and a sane morning.

The morning starts with the realization that the rain has stopped. I wake up, stretch, ponder my plans for the day, and then roll over and do a military crawl to my phone. Unfortunately, my morning date wasn't feeling well. I do hope she will feel better though. I missed spending time with her this morning. I decided to go shopping for the fabulous joy that is turkey day instead. I think I may need to join Bakery Products Annonymous. If you peered into my incredibly full baking cabinet, you would completely agree.

Another lovely day dawned with me waking up to my cat happily jumping up every time I hit the snooze button and rolled over or flipped completely around. For some reason, this morning found me hating my pillow and moving my head to the foot of the bed. When I finally climbed out of bed, the cats were in a near frenzy. One can only imagine that Ziggy was afraid she would finally lose that last ounce that kept her from being far too thin. Rodney was just afraid of not being able to add on one more cuddly little roll of fat. In short, I got up and fed them and then prepared for the joy of random church activities.

The high point of the day was, of course, eating lots of cheesecake and playing jeopardy. Okay, so I was playing Alex again, but you know I can't do the man justice. After all, I am not a man. We had fun anyway though it was concluded that I make the questions too hard. Now we know one more little tidbit about me, or did we already know that I like a challenge. So what is my challenge for this month. I guess I already know.

I am enchanted. I woke up this morning in my perfect world. I walked down the primrose path. Oh, darling, I know your day was terrible just as you know I am happy. You know that nothing ever goes wrong in my world. Not when I have my charming microfiche. Looking back a couple of years, one can even get a little look at the wonderful presents I may be making them from old microfiche. Looking back a couple of years, one can probably also remember how they take me for granted. It doesn't matter though because I am horrible and hurt people all the time. Color me selfish and send me out to play. Hopefully, there will be more amusement later, but for now, I must go selfishly work on one of my many projects. Have a good one. Oh, and I am so sorry I hurt you with my selfish, insincere, uncharitable, one-minded ways.

So the cats have been secretly plotting against me and the leftover turkey in the fridge. It's been a long week and all I have to show for it is an almost finished quilt, more confusion, and lots of leftovers. I also cleaned my kitchen and made my cat dance. Rodney will dance for turkey. And, also exciting, I finally got a new bumper for my car. It is being held for ransom at the moment, so it hasn't made it's way onto my car yet. I also played with another little page for those who are interested in helping me clean my house. I will update it from time to time as I wade through my massive collection of stuff. A few notes a) free is not reasonable and b) if you want one of these things to be a gift, I will consider it, but only for one. Thank you. I really have nothing useful to say, so I am now off to work on that quilt again.

So I woke up this morning. Lil' Guy was on one side of me and Ziggy was on the other. Since Ziggy is the official fem-nazi of the village, I expected some sort of sparks, but she seemed fine with all of the this as I scratched her little head. Of course, when I reached over with the other hand to pat Lil' Guy, she released a string of feline expletives that would make a sailor blush. That's my girl. After all, any one growing up with a web diva has to learn how to express themselves.

I proceeded to slowly go about getting out of bed. I wandered around the house, gathering the necessary books for a long day of church. I still managed to finish everything I desperately needed to do well before 9am, and so, despite my lovely car taking a good half hour to warm up, I made it to church a half hour early with plenty of time to enjoy the silence and the solitude.

With most of my friends still at home, eating leftover turkey no doubt, church was rather quiet. Of course, my magical typing fingers were a topic of discussion. Seems Tyler just couldn't get over the fact that my girlfriend's keys have most of the letters worn off. After three years of a nurturing and loving relationship, what else would you expect? I have never had a problem with this. Well, sometimes I get the u and the i confused, but some days I forget that I don't matter and expect people to care about me. Don't worry, I'm working on it.

I also got to drop off some cookies to some lovely ladies this evening. One of them wasn't home, but I hope she'll appreciate the donation anyway. The other had a rather large puppy who kept nipping at me. I think it was a sign of affection or I might have been frightened. Then I came home and had some more turkey, so I should be crawling under the covers with my fuzzy love kitties right now, but I still have a cake in the oven. Mmmm. Yes, that's right, we're having cake at Family Home Evening tomorrow. Nothing else is up to me, so you'll just have to come and see what else unfolds. Anyway, to the cake, the clouds, and charisma. Have a great one.

So the evening is winding down and I find myself here at the computer again. A million thoughts whiz through my head yet I really have nothing to share. I have completed another quilt and must now find something else to obsess over on these cold nights. The day was full of excitement though. I got evaluated on my job performance, fed people cake, played with microfiche, read over a hundred e-mails, and snuggled with my cat. And that is what I feel like doing now.

Ah, the cool weather is quite refreshing. Sleep used to be like that. I can not seem to get the most from it these days. I woke up in a haze and got ready for another fun day. Digging through my closet yielded a men's dress shirt in a lovely shade of pale blue. I just have to say that I am quite feminine even in men's clothes. More proof that I was born to be a woman, so that is reassuring to me as well as my cat.

So I spent most of the day battling a tremendous headache. Something is definitely in the water, but I manage to smile through it all, so it can't be that bad. I did not complete all of my goals for the day. I find that trying to explain my goals to people who refuse to believe I am sincere and really know what I want to accomplish tends to take up enough time to keep me from getting them done. This is why sometimes it is best to work solo and sometimes good to listen to people when they assure you they know what is up.

I did sneak in a nap before the joy that is Council. Another place where I have to verify that I have put thought into things. Trust me. I am always thinking. I try not to question other people when it looks like they have put more thought into things than me. If we can't trust each other, who can we trust. Things went fairly smoothly after that. I even managed to stay off my soapbox despite constant returns to "as I have love you, love one another". Now I admit we should love everyone, but if our love is feigned, it actually hurts people. Eventually, the facade crumbles and people's feelings get hurt. It is a great challenge to care about everyone, but when you can't, please don't act like someone is your best friend.

I also spent some time pondering all of the projects I have left undone or half-finished in my wild attempts to keep all my friends happy. I have a lot of friends. I also spend so much time rushing around that I forget things. I have my excuses and other people have theirs. I don't get angry as long as you are being honest with me about it and I expect the same from the people in my life. The real point is that I need to find myself some time and play with my website again, If you flip through the pages, you will see how long it has been since I updated most of them. Then you will be appalled. Anyway, I'd crack a joke, but I think I better get to bed before my masters come and leap onto my keyboard. Sweet dreams.